Love and Logic

I bought Love and Logic after I observed my 16 year old son's high school counselor use it on my dear son! Wow was it effective! After reading through the book I realized my dear best friend uses the strategies on her own children, now age 6-7. She was an ED (emotional disabled) teacher so REALLY knows about follow through on consequences, but her children are absolutely the most well behaved children I've ever experienced.

I did plan to use the strategies last year, but my class was so easy I was never prompted to pull it in. From what I hear, I think I may be reading and working with Love and Logic THIS YEAR.

Your question about disruption from the quiet area - I don't know from personal experience with Love and Logic, but we do have students "refocus" in another classroom. Even students who knew me well from previous years were pretty quiet when they had to come to my room for that time.

Hope this year isn't quite so tough!

One quick and easy way to present L&L to teachers is to teach them how to go "brain dead" when faced with arguing students. Using enforceable statements is a quick and easy task they can learn in one session and begin using in their class the next day.

Also check out the L&L site. They have many articles you can print and distribute to the teachers, or maybe you might make a table with the info on it for those interested to grab. If you have any L&L materials (books or CDs), I might bring those for the table as well so they can look at them and get an idea what L&L is all about.

I would also make sure you mention what "Love" and "Logic" mean (Love means allowing your students to make mistakes when the cost is low, Logic means allowing them to suffer the natural consequences to learn from their mistakes.)

HTH
Jenny

If you go to the Love & Logic site, you can find a picture of the poster in their kit for teachers. I will try to remember what it says as closely as I can:

How I Run My Love & Logic Classroom

I will treat you with respect, so you know how to treat me.

Feel free to do anything that doesn't cause a problem for anyone else.

If you cause a problem, I will ask you to solve it.

If you can't solve the problem, or choose not to, I will do something.

What I will do will depend on the special person and the special situation.

I actually, have already been able to use L&L a couple of times this week (first week of school). Here are my descriptions of what I did:

1. First period, I had a student who was humming and making weird noises when I was talking. I had already moved this boy's seat from last class because he was talking with the boy next to him while I was talking. I walked over and stood next to him and talked. He still hummed. I walked away and continued talking, then looped back to him and gave a slight head shake. He STILL continued humming. I finally had the kids working on their own on something, so I walked over and said to him, "I just wanted you to know that when you make noise while I talk, it distracts me." He was really taken aback and apologized. I said, "Just wanted you to know." and walked away. :p

2. Lunch period--two boys messed up during lunch. One boy was goffing off in line. He was sent to eat at our punishment table by the AP. Another boy was talking when then AP asked for silence. Both were very remorseful, but I did not want them to leave without hitting the point home. The one goofing off in line, I told would be last in line out of our whole team during lunch today (that means 110 people eat before him). The boy who talked will spend the entire lunch today at the punishment table, not able to talk during lunch.

Jenny

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Also, for how I started the year, I go over my procedures with my 7th graders for the first week of school. I teach a few procedures a day, along with some opening activities (a tour of the school, multiple intelligence test, icebreakers, etc.). I go over the opening and closing procedures on the first day as well as our team rules and how I run my classroom. I go over those every day the first week as well. I ask them when I talk about how I run my classroom, "Who is an anyone else?" I get them to say students around them, in the class, me, and the teachers on either side of me. I then talk about the kinds of things that could cause problems (talking, touching, breaking a team rule, breaking a school rule, etc.)

and it works well for me. I do remove kids from the class, I let them know that to be a member of the room they must be contributing in a positive manner. I have an agreement with another teacher in the building and it is not fun to go there, they go into a corner and don't get to watch or interact with the room at all. I also will call home first, when I get the chance, and "prep" mom or dad with what happened, without letting the child know and then have the child call home and tell mom and dad about his/her day and why specifically they are calling home. This is usually a couple of hours after the incident, I have had time to cool down and the child has thought about the action for quite awhile. One liners, and you're out, but that is just my policy, they are very aware of it at the beginning of the year. I am very clear and concise about my expectations, L & L has a great "rules" poster for the classroom that you can order, you should check it out. I also have the CD's that I listen to occassionally. Good luck, I love it!! I have been using L & L for about 6 years.

I love to use this phrase when students want to aruge: "I argue with students after the buses leave." This usually stops them, if they continue I say shall I call your family to come get you? For sure this stops the arguing! :oI also like using the broken record strategy (keep repeating the question or direction you want the child to answer or complete).

What do you do when someone backtalks a 'one liner?' Keep giving them the one liner.

I love using Love and Logic with my classroom and my own children.

*one student was to "sick" to participate in our writing lesson. When the class lined up to go to pe I mustered all the sympathy I could and said "Oh x, I really dont think you should go to gym today. You are sick and you know how hot it gets in the gym. Coach x would be very upset if you got sick in his class. I think you should lay your head down while the class is at PE."
needless to say he felt much better the rest of the day. :s)

*my own daughter is a grouch when she wakes up. We always leave on vacation at 3:30 in the morning. Well we stopped for breakfast and she was complaining about waking up and combing her hair. I said in a sickly sweet voice "Dad is willing to buy breakfast for anyone in line with him, anyone else can take their time, but they will need to buy their own breakfast."

needless to say she was in line with the rest of us :)

I use it in my room, I find myself using it 90% of the day and then there are those times that the discussion and consequence method just isnt quick enough and I go back to being reactionary. I have a big difference in myself especially this year. It is hard work I have to admit and the kids dont really get it at first especially if they live in a reactionary household. I have a really challening class this year and for a week or so I lost my cool and completely lost the love and logic way of things and i was teary after school from being emotionally and physically drained, I reread parts of love and logic for teachers and got back in the swing of things and feel much better about my teaching and about me.
I suggest reading up as much as you can on it and if it seems like something you like go for it, knowing it takes a while and it is not someing that will jsut happen.

good luck, Amy P

Teaching with Love and Logic is a great book. There's also a forum for people using the principles. loveandlogicforum.com

It's big on using the right language with children to offer choices, stay out of power struggles, and let children experience natural consequences (and learn from their mistakes.)

This is what I love about it. Choices are so wonderful. We still have to use "pull a card" as a schoolwide discipline system, but I just incorporate it into the choices "You may sit quietly in your seat during SSR time, or you may lie on the floor quietly, or you may pull a card and read in the office."

I also love "Feel free to . . ." My favorite this year is "Feel free to be as chatty as you want until we cross the yellow line." The kids get as close to the yellow line as they can and then veer off a bit, looking at me to see if I really mean it. But as soon as they cross that line (there's a point in our walk to the room that it becomes necessary and not simply an option), they're silent, even if the students behind them who haven't yet crossed the line are still talking. They will even become silent mid-sentence if necessary. :D It works much better than "You have to stop talking when we get to the line."

It is hard work I have to admit and the kids dont really get it at first especially if they live in a reactionary household. I have a really challening class this year and for a week or so I lost my cool and completely lost the love and logic way of things and i was teary after school from being emotionally and physically drained

That sounds like me last year. :p It is much easier to practice L&L if you have a class that accepts it easily when you first try it out. It's also hard if they are used to being in reactionary classrooms where everything is on a punishment system (detention for everyone and everything!).

I don't know what i would do w/o love & logic....i feel that if you use it the way it is intended (no sarcasm, but empathy) it will make a HUGE difference in your life--You can remain calm, which enables you to keep the upperhand. My second graders respond positively in EVERY situation (though the difficult ones just require more time). You must be consistent!

* A student tied his shoelaces together during sharing time by my rocking chair. My response was, "I understand that you thought it was a funny thing to do. Let's keep them that way all day!" Later, when it was time to go to lunch/recess, he wanted to untie them, to which my reply was, "But won't it be funny all day?" and he said, "But I can't walk fast enough", and I said, "Wow...that's a bummer that we'll all get to the cafeteria faster. I hope that we see you soon." (Again, w/o sarcasm, but empathy!) The icing on the cake was when we went to recess directly after lunch--"Oh, _____, I can't let you play today b/c that wouldn't be safe, and your safety is my #1 priority." The look on his face was priceless! And luckily, this happened the first week of school, so did anyone else do this all year long? Absolutely not! Jim Faye is totally right when he says to pray for these learning opportunities! :o)

You have to say them with REAL empathy. If you don't mean it, yes, it would be sarcastic. The key to L&L is to build relationships with your students. Part of that is to use empathy when they have problems. "Boy, that sure is a bummer. I hate when that happens to me."

Jim Fay recommends that you whisper, or at least speak quietly when you use empathy because it is very hard to be sarcastic and whisper at the same time.

I love L&L and have been using it for four years now (at home and in school) with great success.

HTH
Jenny

I admit that was my first reaction until I actually was able to use it successfully. What helped was receiving the training via the video tapes. We went from Canter to L&L and the change in the overall attitude in our students has been amazing. Teaching children to take responsibility is very important. Helping them to learn how to take care of their problems is a life skill.

Yes, there are "pat phrases" in the book, but they are examples - not absolutes. For instance, "bummer" is not a part of my normal vocabulary, so I would never use it.

If you think of it as sarcasm, it is sarcasm and it really is not the program for you. I think it is important that all teachers use a plan they are comfortable with and works.

The phrases (which are only examples, feel free to use your own words!) sound sarcastic in my head, too, but that's 'cause sarcasm is my first defense and offense (trying to change that). I've had an opportunity to hear two different teachers use L&L and they are not sarcastic at all. They are speaking with real empathy the exact same phrases that might come out sarcastically from me.

It's the empathy that makes or breaks the system, imo, but that doesn't mean the empathy is what is making them responsible. Empathy lets them know you're on their side, you believe in them, you're genuinely sorry when they make mistakes. That encourages them to develop responsible behavior.

Repeating a one-liner is simply not being dragged into an argument with a student or child. If you can avoid being dragged into an argument without it, more power to you! I have a tendency to "go there" with kids who want to argue with me. I have to have a way to communicate to the child, "I'm not going to argue with you about this."

I do the same sort of thing, but I phrase it as a choice, "You may choose to do your homework at home and turn it in or time, or you may stay after school with me and complete it then. It's up to you!" I say this with a giddy smile on my face and I practice being really happy to give them the choice--not focusing on the negatives.

I also do this with videos. My classroom has to be pretty dark for the kids to see the videos and they tend to get sleepy. I do not show videos often and I make sure to limit them to 30 minutes max. With this in mind, I offer the following choice before each video, "You may pay attention and watch the video now or attend my afterschool showing of the video for folks who feel like sleeping or disturbing others." They always look at me with a little awe when I say this, like, "Wow. She found a way to get me to watch this video!"

There are a lot of things in the classroom that offer direct, logical consequences, but homework is one I struggle a bit with.

One more technique we've been taught to use, especially with those tough kids that you don't quite feel like you're getting through to is "noticing". Noticing is not using compliments, it is just as it says. Noticing something about said child. It's also not about noticing improvements on academics. For example, let's say that your tough one is a little girl. She enters the room, and you notice that her hair is done in pigtails today. You say, "_______, I see that you've done your hair in pigtails today." You don't say that they look nice, or that they make her look nice, just notice. Pick out one thing each day that you notice about the student. Remember, don't use something like, I notice you got 100% on your math test. Just stick to things about the person. I notice you are wearing a belt today, I notice you are smiling this morning, I notice that you have bears on your socks...Soon, you will start to build rapport with the child that is based on the child themself, not their performance in school, not their parents, not their siblings. After a couple of days, they may engage you in conversation about the things you have noticed. It makes the tough kids come around to be on your side. They may realize that you are taking the time to notice them, not their behavior or their struggles in school, so when you need to ask them to do something for you, they may be more apt to cooperate. This strategy has worked wonders for me in the past...and I've had my share of doozies!;)

Maybe you could try "noticing" with the child? I have a kid who is exactly the same way, and his parents won't even conference willingly with me/principal. She actually hung up on the principal!! He had to tell her that her son would not be allowed back in class until she met with us! :eek:

I'm trying noticing to get him on my side, but I just started it last week and I skipped several days because I was so overwhelmed with other students that it slipped my mind. You're supposed to notice something about the child every day for two weeks, no judgements just notice. "Hey, I notice you really like Captain Underpants books." "Hey, I notice that you always bring an apple for snack." etc.

I agree with the noticing. That has worked well for me to imrpove my relationship with a student. Once you have done this several times over several weeks, try asking him to do something, "just for me." If you are building a positive relationship with him, he will probably do it.

However, if he's having self-concept issues, you should try the attribution theory, which is where you point out something he did right and ask he how he did it. I made a poster that says "How did I do that? I tried hard. I studied. I am getting smarter." I ask them to pick one of the choices. When they vocalize one of those choices, it bypasses their "affective filter" of their subconscious which keeps out all information that contradicts what they already "know" because it is THEM that is saying it, not us. Over time, he will start to see himself in a positive light, but it can take up to a month for every year they have thought negatively about themselves.


Regarding the "draining my energy," if you plan to have them do something to pay back the energy after school, or during recess, you should "enlist" the parent to help you. A really excellent CD of Fay's is "Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions." He roleplays a call to a parent in this sort of situation that is really helpful.

With this mom, I would talk to her, and try to explain the L&L philosophy succicently. "I am trying to teach my students how to be responsible for their behaviors in my classroom. When they cause a problem, I ask them to solve it. When they are adults, they will know how to solve their own problems without depending on their parents or others. One technique I use for behaviors that are distracting is "energy drain." I have to use some of my energy thinking about, or redirecting their behavior. Since there is often not a logical consequence to these behaviors, I ask them to repay my energy. This helps them see a connection between their actions and how they affect others. I hope you will support me in helping train your son for independence and responsibility."

Hang in there. L&L does not come easy, because it is not always natural, but I truly believe we are helping create responsible, independent adults when we use L&L.

Feel free to pm me, if you'd like to talk more. I also want to recommend again the L&L forum website. We have several counselors and L&L practioners on there.

Jenny

I discovered love and logic when I student taught (it was used at the school as a school-wide plan) I did more reading and thought it was a great fit for me. I have just finished subbing 1.5 years (I will start as full time teacher this year!!!) and learned that the days that I gave choices and held the students responsible for their actions (according to their choices) were the best days. The days that I forgot ... or was having a bad day myself and didn't give the kids ownership were the days that were more difficult. Since I just subbed I could pretty much only give small choices (want the lights on or off? want to have your read aloud before or after recess...) so I am looking forward to creating a love and logic classroom this year.

The books I loved were "Teaching with Love and Logic" (Jim Faye) ... i think that is the basic one... and "Creating Classrooms where teachers love to teach and students love to learn" by Bob Sornson.

Also, when I used "enforceable statements" instead of commands I got a much better response.... example: instead of "You need to be quiet before I will let you go to recess" use "I will take the class to recess when it is quiet" (yeah they wanted to go to recess anyways… but this was just an example… there are MUCH better examples in the books)

Good Luck!

I tried it for the first time with a pretty rough group last year. The days that I used it went better than other days. The biggest thing to remember is that "creatures under stress revert to prior learning." Works for humans as well as any other thinking being. So if you're used to being a dictator, you're going to have a tendency to revert back to that when it's a really rough day, for example. Remembering that and being concious about using L&L will help you survive. Also remember that it takes time for the really rough ones to buy in completely, so don't expect it to work immediately. And "noticing" works!.

I didn't remember any of those things, and it would have been so much better for me if I had!

I work with 5th and 6th graders in Special Ed. My area is students with emotional and behavioral difficulties. I think that Love and Logic can be very useful for older students. Even using the "lingo" of love and logic: "what a bummer, how sad" etc. would be a great tool for teachers to have. The love and logic institute sells a CD specifically about Love and Logic in the classroom an it is an excellent resource. When I have particularly challenging students, I listen to it in my car on the way to work to help refresh how to deal with these kiddos. I would also recommend looking into a more global behavior approach for your school. Look into "Vision Management" by Diana Day. We are beginning to use this in our schools and are currently getting trained in this and I think it might be useful to you too. Some of it reminds me of Love and Logic but it also adds goal setting and many other positive things as well. HOpe that helps.

The first school that I worked at was a middle school (5-8) and the whole school used the Love and Logic approach, especially the principal. It was amazing to me how well it did work with these students. I was not teaching in the building when they first started using it and I heard from some of the other staff that it took a little while to get the students used to this approach, but while I was there it really cut down on discipline problems. It also made dealing with the problems that did occur much simpler. I actually like Love and Logic more at this level than I do at the elementary level.

When I started teaching at my current school 6 years ago, I was thrown into the whole love and logic system. I too, believed that I used many of their strategies under a different name. It was only when I went through the training that I truly understood and appreciated the techniques that go along with the program. Here are my favorites:
1. A child comes to you with a tattle about another student. You reply, "I'm sorry he/she made you feel this way. What are you going to do about it?" This throws the responsibility of dealing with tattletales to the students. Of course, if there is something major that happens, like hitting, etc...you might want to get more involved.

2. Homework, homework, homework...again, the student does not turn in the homework. When talking with the student, with empathy inquire about why said homework didn't get done. Student says, I had a baseball game/recital/forgot. You say, "Boy that sure sounds like you must have had a busy night. What do you think you are going to do tonight to get your homework done?" If student doesn't have a suggestion, say, "Would you like to know how other students have handled this problem?" Then if student says yes, you can offer suggestions to a strategy. I once had a student whose house was very noisy at night, extended family staying with them, so he suggested that he be allowed to do his homework when I opened the classroom door at 7:45 (school doesn't officially start until 8:25). I probably would have offered this option, but HE solved his problem instead of ME.

3. Broken record. I use this one a lot with my 4 year old. With him, my broken record is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." So, when I say time to take a bath, and he says, "OOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOO, mommy, not right now!", I reply with "I'm sorry you feel that way." Over, and over and over again. Any kind of statement of I don't want to do what you are asking me to do, I respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way." In the classroom, I usually use, "Oh dear..." So, a conversation might look this way:
Student: Mrs. ___, I forgot my pencil.
Me: Oh dear...
Student: I can't do my work without it.
Me: Oh dear...
Student: I think Susie took it.
Me: Oh dear
Conversation continues until student comes up with a solution to the problem.

Love and Logic has taken so much stress out of my life, and allowed my students to take a more active role in governing their behavior and making responsible choices. I went to the annual conference in Colorado Springs 3 summers ago, and can tell you if you ever get a chance to attend, it is WELL worth it. I also suggest reading any books by Betsy Geddes. Her behavior strategies tie in nicely with Jim and Charles Faye.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask or PM me!

P.S. I also use love and logic with my husband. "Would you rather load the dishwasher or help with son's bath?" He HATES it!LOL

I use the system in my classroom and am a staunch supporter.
If the child continues to disrupt when you put them in the quiet area you again give them choices...as an example...I'm really sorry you're having a difficult time working in the quiet area...you can quietly do your work in the quiet area or work in the hall? Which would you like to do? The key is to remain low key, don't change your body language or your voice inflection but show emphathy.

The same thing applies to the one liners...depending on the one liner. "Jim, I'm so sorry you felt that you had to be sarcastic towards me as it makes me feel bad...you have two choices...you can apologize or stay in for recess. Which would you like to do?" Again, everything is in the tone. The last thing you want to do is for the student to interpret your response as adversariel.

It's my experience it does work on the toughest of the tough...may take longer but it works. The process takes away the incentive for the student to challenge.

I don't know about in the kindergarten classroom either (I use it with 7th and 8th graders). However, it teaches them responsibility and who can say you're too young for that (OK, too young if you can't talk and communicate your feelings, but even babies can benefit from L&L).

I am a mom of a 7yo and 3yo. I started L&L when the 3yo was a baby and 7yo was 4. They responded well to it, and still do.

You would be amazed at how even young ones can come up with solutions to the problems. Just last night, my two sons were fighting and not going to sleep (we're in a temporary situation where they are sharing a room and it's not going that great). I took the older son out and problem solved with him (Looks like you've got a problem! What have you tried so far? How has that worked? Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?). Then I took the younger son out (who was really causing the problem--he does not fall asleep as easy as the older one and jabbers on keeping the older one awake). I told him his talking and getting up and playing was causing a problem for his brother and I. He hugged me and said sorry. I said, OK, but how can we solve this problem? I totally expected to provide all of the choices for him because I didn't think he could come up with any on his own. Boy, was I wrong! Here are the choices he offered with no prompting:

1. Sleep in another room
2. Sleep with Grammy (we're staying in my mom's house due to flooding)
3. Run away (I, of course, took that one off the table)

I thought that was pretty good for a 3yo!

For 5yos, I would probably use a lot of "Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?" I also LOVE the CD Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions from the L&L site. It has lots of elementary examples on it, including how to get kids to wear their coats during winter recess! :D Another good resource that has elementary stories is the book, Creating Classrooms Where Teachers Love to Teach and Students Love to Learn.

I hope you give L&L a try. I love it, not only because my classroom is peaceful and productive, but also because I feel I am teaching my students life lessons that will really help them to be successful in the future.

Jenny

I read some of the Love and Logic books and am trying many of the strategies like giving choices and allowing natural consequences in my classroom. Last year I had a class of 16 students and found L & L quite useful. This year I have 30 students and am finding it much more difficult. For example, in the past if someone needed space or quiet time, I would ask whether she wanted to work in our cool down area or at her own seat. There was plenty of room for everyone. Now I feel like space is limited and I really don't want more than one student asking to move. Another problem I am having is when more than one student is needing attention/a choice. I am trying my best to give them and myself think time and come back to them in a few minutes, but while teaching I sometimes forget to even come back at all. When more than one student is interrupting class or breaking a rule, I find it very difficult to implement L & L and resort back to punishments/rewards and my behavior chart (which is not really all that effective for repeat offenders). Does anyone else have any of these struggles or any suggestions?? Thank you!

First: There are lots of L&L resources for teachers. First, check out Teaching with Love & Logic by Jim Fay and David Funk. Then, go to the Love & Logic website. They have lots of books and audio tapes on a variety of topics related to L&L: http://www.loveandlogic.com

When the whole class is disrupting (or a large part of the class), I address the issue to the whole class. "Class, it looks like we have a problem. My job is to teach, your job is to learn. When people are out of their seats and talking, we can't do our jobs! How can we solve this problem?" I would guide them through the decision-making process to come up with a solution that works for all (or most) of us.

When two or three people are disrupting, I deal with them one-on-one with whispering. As I am teaching (or monitoring, whatever), I walk close to them and whisper, "Could you save that for Mrs. Smith's class?" or one of Jim's other one-liners. I continue to do whatever it is I am doing at the time. I may need to go back and say something else, "Did I ask you in a nice way?" (Yes.) "And you're STILL not going to listen? Wow!" etc.

A good CD to listen to for more of the above technique is "Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions." It is my favorite CD from L&L.

If you are not able to work in dealing with the problem during the lesson/monitoring/etc., perhaps you could say, "Uh oh! Johnny, that's causing a problem for me! You'll have to come up with a solution. Let me know when you're ready to talk about it." Then maybe you can make a quick note on a clipboard or something to remind yourself to talk to Johnny about X.

If you feel your room is too crowded for cool-down to work effectively, there are two things I can think of to do:

1. Get a screen (like one for home decor--I have one that is old shutters hinged together) and put it around the cool-down area to more effectively separate it from your classroom. (I do not have a large classroom, but I have about 4ft x 3ft that I devoted to this).

2. Make a deal with another teacher. There will always be an empty desk/seat in their classroom for one of your students and you will have one for her students.

Remember: when you send them to cool-down it should not be to do work. They should only take as much time as they need to get their emotions under control, and then rejoin the class. If you have a student that seems to be spending too much time in the cool-down area, you will find some good techniques for dealing with that on the "Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions" CD.

HTH
Jenny

I currently teach second but also have taught first. In my classroom I use a mixture of Love and Logic and Responsive Classroom techniques. I always try to keep things very positive and make the children aware of their actions and how it effects themselves and others.
I do use a conduct system similar to the standard "pull a card" because the younger ones just need a constant visual of how their behavior has been. I do start them on an A at the beginning of each day. Also I feel there needs to be a consistant discipline action for major offences such as hurting someone, being verbally ugly to each other or disrespectful to an adult. So for the younger ones I would not get rid of the color card system.
Even though they change a color we always discuss either individually or at circle get together what was not appropriate or hurtful and what could be done differently to improve ourselves.
Overall love and praise and letting them know you care about them as individuals (not just as part of the herd) makes such a difference in the atmosphere of the classroom.
One of the best parts of our day is when we pull a name stick from the cup and we each take a turn telling why we think that person is special. It only takes 3 minutes to do and gives everyone that warm fuzzy feeling!:)

If you call the L&L Institute phone number and ask for "Pam's List" they will email you a whole list of energy replacers.

I love L&L and have been using it for 3 years with my children, 1 year part-way in school, and this year all-out. It works great. I am less stressed, and the kids are more responsible.

I love to have students pick up around the classroom for little annoying things like talking. I also have them create my seating chart with all of my clauses (X can't sit here, Y MUST sit there, etc.) They really struggle and have a greater appreciation for how hard it can be. I also come up with punishment-fits-the-crime ones for those less-often, but more severe offenses.

mnolan: I find that happens to me sometimes too. I am a middle school teacher, so I see different kids all day. That helps some, but sometimes I still get stuck in drill sargeant mode. I do a couple of things to try to combat that. First, I drink lots of water and make sure I eat a filling meal for breakfast and lunch (hunger and thirst always make me cranky). Next, at the beginning of every class (maybe for elem, when you have a transition?), I take a moment to calm myself, pray for myself and my students, and think about what I want to accomplish that day. If I feel I am getting out of control during a class period, I try to take a step back and calm down before the drill sargeant jumps out. Sometimes I'm unsuccessful, and I am always quick to apologize to the students, "Boy, I messed up there. Didn't give you a choice did I? or I didn't let you solve your own problem did I? Sorry about that!"

I would also recommend you visit the Love & Logic unofficial forum (they don't have an official one). It doesn't get a WHOLE lot of traffic, but there are some great people on there who know their L&L stuff and can answer any questions you have.

http://www.loveandlogicforum.com

Jenny

The Love and Logic books are inspiring, aren't they. It's hard to do everything at school, but I use many of the strategies from the book:
1. I offer students choices-always 2 choices that I am comfortable with. "You may sit at the carpet with your hands in your lap or you may sit in the red square (a time out area in my classroom). "Would you like to clean up now or in 5 minutes?" "It's fun to see this work to your advantage!
2. I respond to misbehavior and difficult situations with a cool head and a calm voice. I try not to let emotions and frustration show when dealing with issues with students. (At least this is what I strive for.)
3. I try to not get into power struggles. When students try to "talk" their way through the situation, I repeat the directions or choices, get out of the back-and-forth cycle, and/or redirect.
4. I use natural consequences sometimes, other times I can't. The example from the book about staying after school to clean up is something I would not be able to do. I do have students clean up the mess they make. I also talk to them about how their behavior will effect their chances of doing an activity again. For example, "If you xyz, do you think I will want to do this ___ project with you again?" I use positive and negative examples.
5. When there is a problem to solve, I use that "Would you like to know what other students have done?" line a lot. They seem more open to this than me telling them exactly what to do. It seems like more of a decision they can make to do that action.

The Love and Logic website has some GREAT pages you can print out for parents (and teachers, too.) I have printed several pages and will be giving them to parents this year. I think parents need a lot of help with this, too. Here is the parent page:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/parents.html

Hope this helps! Have fun!