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“Proposing” to Bridesmaids


Senior Member
Apparently, proposing to bridesmaids is a thing right now. I’m seeing it on social media a lot. Gifts and everything. Has anyone experienced this?


Senior Member
I've never experienced it, but I know it's very popular now. While it's cute, I can't help but think about the huge amount of money that is spent on weddings, both by the bride/groom and the friends. Little things like this all add up.

(On a side note, a friend was recently sharing about her trip to Vegas for a bachelorette party. I know these out of town bach. parties are popular. Honestly I would be a bit peeved if I was expected to pay for an expensive out of town weekend, bridesmaid dress, shower gifts, wedding gift, etc. I can be very happy for a friend and can give a generous gift, but guests/friends shouldn't have to break the bank.) Rant over.;)


Senior Member
I've seen that before. I don't envision myself getting married anyway, but I could never bring myself to spend the tens of thousands of dollars on one day that some people do.

I think the whole thing is kind of crazy, for guests too! My last friend that got married had an engagement party and a bridal shower, with gifts expected at both events. Then there was a "lingerie shower" at the bachelorette party. I honestly didn't know what that meant and didn't bring anything, but apparently it meant I was supposed to buy her a lingerie set. The activities we did at the bachelorette party cost hundreds of dollars. Then you're supposed to buy a gift for the actual wedding as well? That's 4 gifts, just as a guest, not even part of the wedding party! The entire premise is insane to me, especially when 50% of these end up in divorce!


Senior Member
It is so insane. My dd has been a bridesmaid in many weddings. The costs are outrageous. She is at the point now that she gets all the info before saying yes. No more destination weddings. No out of town bachelorettes. No weddings that require her to pay for a hotel room or multiple dresses.


Senior Member
Don’t get me started on destination weddings! I’m not talking about going somewhere (in or out of the country) when either the bride or groom is from there. I’m talking about subsidizing the bride and grooms stay at a beach resort. Things were so much easier when I got married 26 years ago. My “bachelorette” was dinner out with my closest friends at a local restaurant.

Ima Teacher

Senior Member
DSS has been a bridesman in a couple of weddings, and they did the whole destination bachelorette party, gifts, etc. I see a lot of social media posts with those kinds of activities. Honestly, I think it’s an attention seeking kind of thing.

I’ve been married twice, and neither one was extravagant. The first was definitely traditional, but the second was way more fun. In both cases we paid for it all ourselves. I never felt like people should spend their money for my wedding. Instead of trips and gifts, we provided all items needed for the wedding and had a meal on rehearsal night.

I’m a practical person when it comes for most things. I was also 30 the first time and 45 the second time. Maybe age makes a difference. :confused:


Senior Member
I hadn't heard of it before my son's wedding, but he didn't do anything too over the top. It all seems a bit much to me, but I was used to it after all the "promposals" etc. over the last decade of my sons' lives.

He had gotten all his groomsman a specialty bottle of beer that he attached a note to. Since my other son was living with us (not local to groom) at the time, I helped him with his. We talked on the phone while I was at the beer store (I had no idea they had so many crazy beers!) and he settled on one and I bought it and attached the note he sent. (Yes, he even venmo'd me the money! I felt very hip.) Then the groom to be called his brother and told him he had something for him on the dining room table. I'm not a fan of a bunch of pomp and circumstance, but one bottle of beer didn't seem too obnoxious.
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Senior Member

I'm not surprised about the trend of proposing to bridesmaids. I have been to enough weddings to know how ridiculously complex and expensive they have become. I don't know who pays for these elaborate events nowadays (parents? the bride and groom?), but the wedding industry is very lucrative.

A few years ago we felt obligated to attend a destination wedding because it was DH's nephew, but while both bride and groom's parents are fairly wealthy, DH and I are not, and to require that we travel to the destination and then stay in the same luxury hotel as them was an expense that we could hardly afford despite the "generous discount" by the hotel.

DD#1 was maid of honor for one of her best friends. This was a while back when it hadn't yet become this huge social media phenomenon with everyone trying to outdo each other, but it was still expensive for DD, because the costs involved. One week after the wedding the bride ran away with her just-divorced boss. :rolleyes:


Senior Member
I hadn't heard of that, but it makes me even more glad that DD and her husband chose not to have a bridal party when they were married in April. Each of their siblings ( 4 total) simply walked down the aisle before them wearing whatever they wore to the wedding, plus a buttoniere or small bouquet .

Since he is from the UK and they moved there last fall, they already knew it would be costly for American guests to attend.

No showers of any sort, though a few of her grad school friends in London took her to Brighton Beach on the train for a girls weekend. I think they stayed with a friend or family member :)


Senior Member
I don't get the expense and "eventfulness" of it all. It makes me feel like you're working more on your wedding than your actual marriage. I know that's not the case for all couples, but that's how I feel.

I've been married twice. Both times, my fiancé and I both knew the people in the wedding party. We hosted an intimate cookout/casual dinner, and asked them all to join us at the altar as witnesses. No proposal BS, just a toast after they said yes. When we asked, we also said we'd pay for dress, shoes, suit rental, etc.

Both receptions were low key with deli trays, a cake made by a family friend, DIY floral/centerpieces, DJ music, and only beer, wine, soda. People still speak of how relaxed and fun both weddings/receptions were.


Senior Member
Weddings and the events leading up to it have gotten insane! You have to buy the wedding party gifts to invite (propose to) them and then also a gift to be presented at the rehearsal dinner. The bridesmaids are expected to plan and fund a lavish destination bachelorette outing somewhere complete with gifts, etc. (This doesn't even include the regular showers that many of the same people are expected to host and provide gifts for!) Most of them also have to pay for the dress they will wear in the actual wedding. Depending on the bride that can get pricey, too!

My poor niece has been in so many weddings, and I am just amazed at the amount of money that she has spent on airfare, hotel rooms/cruises, car rentals/uber, dinners, gifts, etc., just for the pre-wedding events. Her turn will be coming up soon, hopefully, and I just hope her friends remember all she has done for them!


Senior Member

What do you mean? Proposing to bridesmaids? You mean like the bride does a formal proposal to the women she wants in her wedding?


Senior Member
Yes, I've just heard of it from my DD. She was asked to be a bm with a cute small gift. She is going to ask her MOH (only 1 in the wedding) but it's a good friend-she just used her cricut to monogram a couple of small gifts to give her. I guess it is better than a text <!--giggle-->

My DD is going to be in a wedding and the expense is way more than she expected. I had warned her but it was her first time. She is not doing that to this one friend. No bachelorette party for my DD either-she already decided that so this girl and her will just do a little something together.
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Senior Member
I never heard of that. I think it’s ridiculous. Just ask your friends/family that you want to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. The bachelor/bachelorette weekends are the big thing where I live. I think that’s a lot to ask the bridal party to attend. It costs a lot to travel for a three or four day weekend. We need to get back to simple times.


Senior Member
LOLLOL:DLOL I’m with Sassy, I didn’t understand your post. I thought you meant boyfriends were proposing to bridesmaids at a wedding. LOLLOL

Song of Joy

Senior Member
I agree with:
I don't get the expense and "eventfulness" of it all. It makes me feel like you're working more on your wedding than your actual marriage. I know that's not the case for all couples, but that's how I feel.

I think people who can't afford to or don't wish to be part of the extravaganza should just start bowing out. Hopefully these outrageous expectations will be tempered and brides will consider the needs of other people. In my opinion, a gracious bride who thinks about others is the most beautiful kind.


Full Member
My daughter was just in a big expensive wedding. Here was her bridesmaid proposal. It included a bottle of wine and an insulated wine tumbler. They flew to San Diego for the bachelorette weekend. They are from the Cincinnati area. It was crazy. I will admit the wedding was a lot of fun and my daughter was glad she participated but thank goodness she wants none of that madness when she gets married.
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Senior Member
What are bridesmaid proposals? Is that where a bridesmaid is proposed to at the wedding she is standing up for? Or at one of their parties?

I would think that no bride would want the attention taken away from them on their big day for something like that. Especially those who are having the over the top weddings, showers, etc.

I got married when I was 38 and my husband was 50. It was my first and only marriage and his second.

We had our ceremony on one day and our reception on Labor Day weekend which was two weeks later.

Anyway, we had 6 people at the wedding and 48 at the reception. I had no showers, or bridesmaids, or rehearsal dinner or rehearsal. Also no bachelorette parties. The whole wedding cost $3,000 and we paid for all of it except for a few flowers that my mother wanted to buy for us. With monetary gifts that we were given but did not ask for, we basically broke even on it. We did not register or ask for gifts.

Today’s wedding craze is nuts.

Oh, I also thought that meant that the bridesmaid got proposed to by her fiancé. I didn’t realize that it meant that the bride to be proposed to her bridesmaid as a way to ask her to be a bridesmaid.


Senior Member
It’s a bit over the top in my opinion but I’m oldish<!--giggle--> It just seems to be for show ala Pinterest and TikTok—reminds me of gender reveals which were cute in the beginning but then seemed to become a competition in who can be the most creative! I miss simpler times……