3 grandmothers

[Faith]

My husband and I are expecting a baby in March. Our baby will have 3 grandmothers since I have a stepmother. She'll have three grandmothers- my mother, my MIL, and my stepmother. Even though I get along with my stepmother, I am concerned about my baby growing up with 3 grandmothers. I know having 3 grandmothers means she'll grow up with more people to love her, but still I'm a little concerned.
Since my stepmother is married to my dad I am concerned my baby will think that my stepmother is her real maternal grandmother instead of my mother since my baby will know that my stepmother is married to her grandfather. I'm concerned this will confuse my baby. How can I make sure my baby knows that my mother is her natural biological grandmother? I'm all for my stepmother having a loving relationship with my baby, but I don't want my baby growing up confused about who's who. I'm also fine with my stepmother taking on a grandmother name like Nana Sue or something like that, but I have concerns that because she'll be called "Nana" just like my mom and MIL that my baby will think she's her real grandmother. I know this may sound selfish, but I want to make sure my baby grows up to know that my mother is her biological grandmother.

 

[Tiffany]

Congratulations!

First of all congratulations!

I am not in the same situation as you but my girls do call their grandmas different names: my mom is grandma and my husband's mom is grammie. If I were you, I'd have each person have their own name: grandma, nana, grammie.

You probably don't know this because this is your first child but most kids are confused about who's who in the family. It takes a bit of time before she'll know who's your mom, who's your husband's mom, and who's the lady married to grandpa. My daughters only have 2 grandmas and asked me constantly trying to get it straight. It is really an abstract concept to little ones. In the meantime, relax and don't worry about it. Your little one is lucky she'll have so many people to spoil her rotten!

 

[speeder1]

I don't think your baby will be confused. Each person with have a special relationship with your baby and as the child gets older things can be explained. Right now I am a step-grandmother to 5 angels under the age of 4. Their maternal grandmother passed when their mother was 10 and her dad remarried. So their maternal grandmother is remembered, they have step-grandmother, my step-son mother, me, not to even mention the great-grandparents, there are several. Each one of us has a different name. My name started out as Nanna Mo and now has ended up as Mo Mo. I so am glad my step-sons did not have an issue with me or how their babies would relate to me.

Since I was unable to have children, my step-sons are great in letting me spend so much time their children. It has helped me as their dad and I have dealt with infertility and now adopting.

You did say one thing that I am glad you said.....she'll grow up with more people to love her. A child can not ever have to many people to love them.

Congratulations and don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[Faith]

relationships

I know I shouldn't be concerned and that all the grandmothers will love my baby, but still I worry about my child confusing who's who. Recently in my dad's family there was an incident of confusing who's who. My parents have been divorced for years since I was 8. My dad's nieces and nephews all remember my mom cause they are my age or older. My cousins have started having kids. One of my cousin's kids noticed that I call my stepmother by her first name. However my cousin's child didn't realize she was my stepmother and thought she was my mom cause my stepmom is married to their uncle. My cousin's child asked me "how come you call your mom by her first name?". I was so embarrassed and told the child that she was my stepmother and that my dad had been married before to my mother. I started worrying about what if the same thing happens with my child. But thats a different situation. My cousin's child has never even met my mother cause she was born long after the divorce. Whereas with my child my mom, stepmom, and MIL will all be very active in my child's life. However that little incident of my cousin's child mistaking my stepmom for my mom just got me all worried.

 

[Anon]

Don't worry..

Don't worry, it'll only make your pregnancy harder on you. You have YEARS before your child will actually understand the concept of who's who and who's married to who. Don't worry so much, be glad you have a family to love your child, and it'll be alright. Like the other posters said, your child will have to learn who's who and it's ok if they get it mixed up, he or she will be a kid, it happens. Good luck.

 

[istoleahalo]

4 grandparents

I grew up with 4 grandmothers and 4 grandfathers. My children will have 3 grandmothers, 3 grandfathers, and God willing, 5 great grandmothers, and 3 great grandpop's. (and more aunts, uncles and cousins than i care to count). In the begining, kids don't pick up (or care) how they got all these people who love them, once they get older you can start introducing family stories that tell them how and why they all came from. I was adopted but know my biological family, hince all the grandparents...I also have 2 mom's and 2 dads! Even though I confused other people with all my family, I myslef was never confused because thats what I grew up with. Good luck and congrats!!

 

[Toto]

The more, the merrier! I grew up with three grandmothers and so did my children, meaning they had three great-grandmothers. They've all passed away now, so please enjoy them.

 

[javamomma]

just be happy

Just be happy that your baby will have so much love around her/him.
After all, does it really really matter that your child know which grandmother is the "biological" grandmother? I think once children get older and start asking "who's mom /dad is who.." you know then things could be explained.
My children have 3 wonderful grandmothers due to my remarriage.
I inlaws would be crushed if they ever thought my children did not
conisder them "real" grandparents.

 

[Faith]

stepgrandmothers

I didn't mean to imply that my stepmother won't be my child's grandmother. I just believe that since my mother was the one who raised me it is very important that my child know that she is their biological grandmother. For some reason I just fear my child thinking my stepmother is my mother. Not that I don't want my stepmother to have a wonderful relationship with my child, but my mother deserves to be a grandmother just as much as my mother does and I don't want my child growing up to think she's not their grandmother cause she's not married to Grandpa.

 

[istoleahalo]

From what I remember...I was just told family stories such as "When I was young, Grandma A, always took me......." "I was x years old when Grandpa P married grandma T...." I just caught on to who was who. Believe me, children will catch on

 

[Donna]

3 Grandmothers

My girls are just starting school, and they have only known 2 grandmothers - my MIL and my stepmother. My own mother passed a few years before they were born. Each grandparent has their own name, including my mother. They were very curious about the whole thing, but they know that Grandma is Daddy's mother, Grammy is my stepmother, and that my mother is in heaven with God. (The hard explanations came when we went to the cemetary - "I thought you said she was in heaven!!") It has taken a number of discussions - which they initiated - but they know who they all are and how they all fit in. If they ever misidentified the grandmother, I gently corrected them, and the grandma of the moment followed suit. They also, at the same time, are figuring out who Mommy and Daddy's brothers and sisters are. It's all worked out pretty smoothly. By the way, my older nieces and nephews call my stepmother by her first name, as do I. My stepmother and father are good with that too.

 

[wig]

Goodness! There will be so many things to be concerned about, this will honestly be the least of them. My grandson has 4 grandmothers
and it doesn't confuse him in the least. I am Grandma and he also has a mimi, a grammy, and a mama-jo. He is close to all of us and it is no more confusing to him than having four aunts. Honestly, biology makes no difference where love is concerned. But, by the time he is old enough to question, you will be able to explain it to him. The worst thing you can do is to make it a competition between the grandmothers. Or to make him feel he has to love one more than another.

I grew up with only two grandmothers and both were called Grandma. Believe me I was not confused.