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Aside from building a relationship...

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WestCoastTch

Senior Member
This is my new sentence starter when I'm in a meeting to discuss maladaptive behavior solutions.

Yes to building a relationship, but in the meanwhile, my students and I need to feel safe. If I can also teach, that would be great.
 
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Summerwillcom

Senior Member
Love it!

LOL
That is why I retired early!
I know it is not funny though if you are living it now.
I am so sorry but can totally relate!
 

Youthcantknow

Senior Member
Sentence Starter

I'm going to have to borrow that sentence starter from you! It's a ridiculous assumption that's made by the special ed team in my school, too.
 

Tori58

Senior Member
You know, I believe in relationship building as a tool for good teaching and, to some extent, as a tool for managing behavior. But, when did it become okay to reinforce bad behavior?

I had a student last year who I absolutely KNOW engaged in bad behavior because it would result in a noon or afternoon detention with his teacher who would then give him all kinds of loving, personal attention and help him with his work. Now, don't get me wrong, this kid desperately needed loving one-on-one time with teachers but was it ever smart to only give it to him if he punched another kid or dropped an f-bomb? A noon detention might have been effective if there had ever been any attempt to put a stop to covert bullying on the playground and in the restroom.

The same kid would frequently try to engage me in friendly conversation at the beginning of class. I knew this was a ploy to delay starting class because he was not at all interested in friendly conversation at the end of class. However, I think many of his teachers allowed him to waste monumental amounts of class time in the name of "relationship building." In three years' time, I never saw any improvement in his behavior due to all these "relationship building" attempts.

And some of these teachers and administrators who allow themselves to be constantly manipulated by difficult students feel so darn superior and complacent about it. It really is just a losing battle.
 

WordFountain

Senior Member
Yes to building a relationship, but in the meanwhile, my students and I need to feel safe. If I can also teach, that would be great.

Yes! 100% agree. It was so frustrating that so many others suffered or just had to “deal” because they behaved appropriately. It wasn’t safe or fair to anyone involved.
 

anna

Senior Member
No support for troubled students beyond "build a relationship with your student" translates to "I don't want to spend more money on the problem and do not bother me anymore." Teacher,troubled student and the other 30 students need much much more.:(
I just about laughed out loud when an admin pulled that stunt on me.
 
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FLSun

Senior Member
Hate it!

This new go-to takes one small element from good practice for the sake of removing all the responsibility from the student and placing it on the teacher and it’s BS! Teachers have many practices under the guise of classroom management and this is just one of them. Another example would be modeling good behavior ourselves. Can you imagine an administrator saying, “Little Johnny smashed his chrome book over the desk? Well have you modeled the proper behavior of NOT smashing chrome books?” Just give the kids some freaking accountability already!
 

Renea

Senior Member
It was so frustrating that so many others suffered or just had to “deal” because they behaved appropriately. It wasn’t safe or fair to anyone involved.

I remember feeling this way so many times when dealing with a student's out of control behavior. My entire class had to live in fear of the student who threatened class safety with their disruptive behavior.


There is no other work place that has to conduct business in fear of other workers and yet we expect children to simply deal with the violent disruptions as they work (learn)! It's a crazy world in education.
 

Fenwick

Senior Member
is my new sentence starter when I'm in a meeting to discuss maladaptive behavior solutions.

Yes to building a relationship, but in the meanwhile, my students and I need to feel safe. If I can also teach, that would be great.
This points out the need for solutions generated from those that the solutions will impact the greatest. No one knows more about a classroom of students than their teacher. Yet rarely, if ever, are the experts in knowing their students included in the decision making process. So-called professional development planning is too often void of any teacher input whatsoever. What’s left are workshops and mandatory meetings where the agenda is decided by those having the least proximity to the target population. Then from vague understanding and lacking first-hand experience, blame and pseudo scholarship are ladled out which exacerbates the gap between teachers and administration. Irony should not escape anyone that the theme of the OP’s pd day centers around “building relationship”.
 

whatever

Senior Member
The toolbox

I teach SpED and have covered all ages, 5-19+. Many of them self contained due to behaviors.

Truthfully, to my visual brain, the relationship should be like a Tool Box. The student and teacher build it together BUT it is pretty ineffective without tools in it. It also can't have all soft brushes and string or all hammers.

It needs strategies for student, teacher and other classmates. It needs a pathway to success (which occasionally may lead to the office/ISS/OSS/// It needs options for both student AND teacher. It needs to have some type of finished project to be successful. That could include finished schoolwork or projects, better behavior, less distraction, whatever--something. The relationship is just the bonus.

It can't be an empty toolbox without tools and it can't be a FULL toolbox without a purpose--and the student doesn't get to pick what the project is...
 

WordFountain

Senior Member
I remember feeling this way so many times when dealing with a student's out of control behavior. My entire class had to live in fear of the student who threatened class safety with their disruptive behavior.

I had to deal with this several years. Due to my “strong classroom management” and good test scores my class began to get stacked. It was BS because the students who struggled really needed services and support that we just couldn’t provide as a small school. Yes, we were better (smaller & safer) than the local public school (we were in an inner city) however at what cost?

I finally went out on my maternity leave as soon (and early) as I could because I had a really volatile ED student in my GenEd classroom. He was the sweetest boy but he was a loose canon and I didn’t feel safe with my big belly. It drives me nuts that Admin use the “least restrictive environment” for money saving when it’s truly NOT what’s best for the student or other students in the class.
 

broomrider

Senior Member
Least restrictive environment

When I taught at a state hospital in California, the identified least restrictive environment was a locked unit and a classroom with 6-8 students with a teacher, 2 aides, and 1-2 psych techs depending on which students were in the classroom.
 

twinmom95

Senior Member
People conveniently forget that the term is the least restrictive environment WHERE THE STUDENT CAN BE SUCCESSFUL. And the definition of " successful" should be up to the teachers who work with the child, NOT the admin!
 

Tiamat

Senior Member
Twin mom, I was just going to say that. Admin so often “forget” the second part of that definition because it’s cheaper.
 

KBTeacher

Full Member
I love it!

I often feel like admin, counselors and other non classroom teachers feel the need to “remind” us that we need to build a relationship with students who exhibit certain behaviors. We know students need to feel accepted and comfortable enough to express their ideas, ask for help when they need it and know their teacher is there to help them. But it doesn’t mean we need to put up with their behavior when it is clearly within their control and it takes away from the rest of the class and/or puts them in danger. What about the needs of their classmates and teachers?! I’ve had students who clearly had emotional, academic and/or physical challenges that affected their behavior and I am willing to work with them as best I can. But I have also had a handful of behavior students who clearly manipulate everyone to give into them and it upsets me when those in charge or with special certifications refuse to acknowledge it! They just keep giving us ideas to try working with that particular student. Oh, but the rest of the class better be on grade level by the end of the year - all while I spend extra instructional time trying all those grand ideas on the one.
 
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