baby.. how long did you wait?

[LUV2BATCHR]

I was wondering how long you decided to wait after getting married to have a baby? I am 24, and my husband is 25 and we have been married for 3 months. I am in my 2nd year of teaching but I am not completely happy with it and wouldn't have a problem taking at least a year off to have a baby. I am not overly eager to start a family or anything, but I would be pleasently surprised if I were to become pregnant. I don't want to rush but since getting married EVERYONE has aked if we are pregnant yet. I feel kindof stuck in the middle like I should enjoy the alone time with my husband but I also feel the pressure from family and friends like we are behind the ball or something.

 

[Chicago Teacher]

Our timeline

I think that everyone's timeline has got to be different - different personalities, different marriages, different life stages, finances, job stability, etc.

I am 28 and my husband is 27. We were married a year and a half before we started trying. We're 4 months away from our beautiful baby's arrival!

We enjoyed having our 3 years of dating and year+ of marriage to experience life together. We did quite a bit of traveling, camping, bought a house together, etc. People were always asking us about getting pregnant too (the rest of our friends are couples with children), but that wasn't a reason we decided to actually start trying. We decided it was time because we both really wanted to start having children together and are looking forward to the changes that will come with it.

One thing we didn't discuss as fully as we probably should have before deciding to "go for it!" was finances/my working. We said I would stay home with the kids when we had them, but didn't really discuss HOW that was going to happen. Now, at almost 6 months pregnant, we are trying to figure it out - whether it's financially possible (my husband is also a teacher) and, if not, what the best option will be for our family.

Like I said at the beginning of my post, everyone is different so this may not apply to you, but for myself and my husband, I would not have wanted to trade the time getting to know each other as a married couple and being selfish about our time together to have started a family sooner than we did.

 

[Carolyn]

on having a baby

I think you should have a baby when the time seems to be perfect. It sounds, from your words above, that you want to have a baby to escape your job. I would also not have a baby to make everybody else feel happy. If you know in your heart that this is the right time, then go ahead and have one.

In answer to your question: My husband and I met when I was 20. We married when I was 26, and our first was born when I was 28. We were delighted and totally prepared for him when he arrived and were not bending at all to any pressures from others. I resigned from my job two months before my first was born.

 

[bamagirl]

Marriage and Babies

My husband and I got married in June 2002. He was 24, and I was 22. We dated for 5 years before we got married because we were waiting until I finished college. In the past 3 and a half years, we have built a house, both received our Master's Degrees in elementary education, done a LOT of traveling, and saved some money.

Currently, he is 27 and I am 25. We are both ready to start a family (especially me )! We are planning to begin trying in August. At that time, we will have been married for 4 years.

I cannot begin to tell you how many people have told us how smart they think we are for waiting a little while before having children. We have really enjoyed being a young married couple. We have been to Hawaii three times, Cancun, New York City, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and we have a big trip to Alaska planned for this summer. Everyone says we are so smart to do a lot of traveling because when we have kids this will all change! Also, we feel we are financially ready to have a baby.

Once you get married, it is natural for people to begin asking when you're going to have a baby. My husband and I teach in the same school (actually the same grade!), and I cannot begin to tell you how many times we have been asked about getting pregnant. Today, I even ran into a girl I knew in 7th grade and her mother...and they even asked if I had a baby yet!

Don't feel pressured into having a baby if you aren't ready. As the above posters have mentioned, everyone's timeline is different. My husband and I decided to wait a few years...and we have enjoyed every minute of it. We now feel we are ready to move on to the next step in life. I say if you and your husband have discussed it, and you're ready...then go for it! Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[Carolyn]

bamagirl's post

I think what you say makes a lot of sense. Your life DOES change drastically once you have children of your own to take care of. Your life revolves around your children, and you don't have as much money nor as much time for yourselves as a couple anymore. You have to give up a lot of freedom that you once enjoyed to come and go places. I am really glad I have my boys and would do it all over again if I had to.

 

[musicbug]

having a family

My hubby and I waited two years before we started a family, but we didn't marry until I was 29. I had a beautiful boy at 32. You have alot of time in front of you. It's really your choice. You may want to gain some more senority or get a second degree. This is an exciting time in your life. Do what's best for both of you.

 

[Trisha]

What is Right For You

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We just started trying for a new addition to the family a few months ago. We are very active in volleyball, soccer and working out. We really enjoyed having the last seven years to enjoy each other before we started a family. Now we are both 30 and definately ready. My sister however is 27 and already has three kids. That was just the right fit for her. I agree with the others you just need to do what is right for you as a couple. Good luck!

 

[Carrie in WV]

My story

was a little different. My husband and I were both 24 when we married and I thought we would wait about a year before we began trying to have a family. Unfortunately, not everyone is a "fertile Myrtle" and I had no idea it would actually take me so long to conceive. We were 28 before we were finally pregnant and it took 5 years before the next in between babies 2 and 3. I guess we automatically think pregnancy will come once "we" are ready, but that isn't always the case.

 

[Teach 5]

babies

It's so annoying that everyone asks that. But, it's always something. My oldest is 22 & everyone asks her if she has wedding plans. My youngest is 15 & everyone asks her if she has a boyfriend.

The best thing to say is that they will be the first to know when you get pregnant. (Even if they won't be! Ha-ha!)

You've only been married 3 months & you are both young, give yourself some time. We were married young, both 20. We finished college, started worked, traveled a little, etc. Started trying when we were 24. Nothing including IVF worked for us, we adopted our first child when we were 30.

Don't bow to the pressure, after all after you have the first one everyone will want to know when you're having the next one!

 

[fun_friend]

I think it varies with each couple. I think you should not hurry into motherhood if you are relatively newly married or really young. I didn't meet my husband until I was 35 and had my 1st child at almost 37. We didn't have a lot of time to waste and we're perfectly happy to be older parents--it keeps us young!

I'm not saying you should wait as long as I did especially since you have a husband and such already. I'm just saying you should enjoy your childless state. Once the babies come, you will always be a mother to the grave. Having babies really takes the focus off you as babies are really demanding morning noon and night of your time and money and YOU, as well as your house and everything you own.

I love my kids deeply and really appreciate them and enjoy spending time with them. I have relatives who are young mothers and they appear to take the kids for granted. I don't think they know what it is to yearn for a kid. They don't know what it's like not to have kids at all. I really do. I didn't get pregnant to escape a situation as I think my nieces did. Getting prenant wasn't a way to fix a dicey marriage or as a convenient way to get out of working. I got pregnant because my husband and I were ready to welcome a baby into our life.

People ask you about your family plans not because they really care about you or your parental status. They are probably just making conversation. They aren't being thoughtful--they are just asking cliched questions thoughtless people ask of childless couples. What if you and your husband were having trouble conceiving? Being constantly asked about your childless state could be a painful stab. My husband and his first wife couldn't conceive and he's shared with me how much it hurts to be asked these seemingly harmless questions that are no one's business anyway. Knowing this, I make a point to NEVER ask a childless couple when they plan to have kids.

 

[bamateach]

timeline

When it is right for you and your husband. As far as the question it will never change. Once you have one people will ask when do you plan on having another. Once you have 2 they will still ask. Just smile and say not sure or whatever you feel appropriate. My husband and I waited 5 years. I wanted them sooner he wanted them later. We decided to wait until after I finished college, got a job, etc... I am glad we waited. HOWEVER, if I had to do it again I would wish that I was making better money than I was (working my way through school) so that I could enjoy my husband more. Go to the places that you want to go to that you probably won't be able to go to until after the kids are off to college Like Hawaii, Bahamas, a cruise, etc..... Anyhow that's what I would do if I had it to do all over again. Sorry - didn't mean to live vicariously through you.