Childless Teachers

[signing out]

I am one of very few single childless teachers at my school, and I am the only one on my team that doesn't have a family. I am so tired of being taken advantage of cause I don't have a husband or kids. When we chose committees to be on the Team Leader said that those with kids should get to choose first cause they have more responsibilities. There was an uneven # of committees so of course I got the extra committee cause I am single and childless without any responsiblities. Team Leader gave me the extra committee and even said I got the extra committee cause I "don't have kids or responsibilities like the other teachers". When discussing our fall carnival and what shift each of us was going to work, again Team Leader said those with kids get the earlier shift, and of course I was given the latest shift. I am so tired of always having to be on more committees, getting the later shift at the carnival, and others not seeing my time as just as important.

I realize I don't have as many responsiblities as those with kids but my time is just as valuable. I do have a dog and cat at home that I need to make sure is fed. I do have a social life in the evenings that is important to me. And if I ever am going to get married and have a family then my social life is very important to me. I know some will say that when I am married with kids I will see things differently. Maybe. But I still don't think its fair to give one colleague more duties based on whether or not they have a family.

I also hate eating lunch with my team cause all they talk about is their weddings, husbands, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and kids. I try to join in on the conversation, but I am clearly the outsider. I am the same age as most of my teammates (30's) yet they act as if I'm not in their little "married mommy" club.

 

[eslsignedoff]

Not being allowed to sign in???....this is MissESL!!

I, too, am single -- well, I am not married and no children. I also get drafted or stuck with stuff just because of this. What these people do not know is that I have two jobs and a family business I work for when I'm not in school. I also have pets and my second job causes me to travel most weekends. I would like to devote more of myself to school, but I do not get paid enough to do so...
I just say no, because ____. The end.

 

[roo]

I would speak up loud and clear and make sure they know that you are happy to take an extra responsibility THIS TIME and that after that, the responsibility will have to be rotated. The idea that you deserve to have the extra school duties because you don't have a spouse/children is absolutely ridiculous. How convenient for them that they were able to decide this!?! Maybe you can say that, since they are parents, they will be more understanding with the really difficult students and parents so THEY will have to have those kids and parents in their classrooms. I doubt they'd go for that! What a bunch of hooey!

 

[apple annie]

I wonder who

will get stuck with the extras when you do get married and have kids? Learn to say, "No thanks, I'm not interested in that," or some other phrase that you can just keep repeating until they get it.

Just think what they are missing out on - they could be living vicariously through you and your love life instead of obsessing about homework, babysitters, and husbands!

 

[C Green]

That's silly

When you take a job, it's assumed you'll do a fair share. Some women don't work, or work part-time when they have children. Many/most can't afford that, but it's still not fair to say that the single person takes the extra. I bet they would NEVER say that to a single man.

You could have responsibilities to relatives or friends that they know nothing about. Even if you do not, you're not expected to donate extra free time on the grounds of living alone.

I think your point that you need time outside of work if you're going to find someone to marry is both true and funny. Try that the next time they try this nonsense, and if they don't take the hint, go to your union/principal/whoever, and make it clear that you can't be expected to take the short end of the stick repeatedly for the 'sin' of being unmarried.

 

[parker]

I agree with roo

tell them to rotate the extra duties. You are simply no longer available to constantly pick up the extra duties therefore it is time to rotate these professional duties/responsibilities/late shifts. Whatever you do, don't justify yourself, don't talk about your pets or your social life, don't make excuses, don't try to make them understand ...just inform them that you are no longer available. Be a broken record, you are no longer available to pull the extra duties and late shifts. In fact, you might want to inform your team leader now, that the extra committee you picked up this semester, will have to go to someone else next semester, because..."at that point I will no longer be available to do that." The schedule for things like the shifts at the carnival...all go in a hat and everybody draws. Those that want to switch out times can do so.
Stand up for yourself.

 

[SassyTeach]

I used to get that a lot

I HATED hearing that from people. Then I decided that I'd either have to keep sucking it up or grow a backbone. So, I grew a backbone, and now, whenever someone says something so freakin' asinine, I just look at them and say, "I may not have kids, but I do have a life, and I'm not going to be on the (fill in the blank) committee." Since I've started saying that, people have quite saying it to me.

Good luck!!

 

[Ima Teacher]

I frequently volunteer to do extra dutes because I do not have children and my DH is gone a lot.

I won't, however, allow other people to "volunteer" me for things because they think that I don't have other responsibilities.

Whether I have time to devote to an extra duty is MY decision, not someone else's.

And I'm old & cranky enough to tell people I won't do things.

 

[rdrtchr]

Same work, same pay

I'm assuming that you all have the same contract, same job requirements, and same pay. Therefore, you should all have the same responsibilities--regardless of outside committments. There are times when someone has extenuating circumstances that others pick up the slack (such as death of a parent), but to assume that one person should carry more of a load that others is completely unfair. Yes, being a parent does bring extra responsibilities. However, it is a choice to work and a choice to have children. (BTW, I have 3 kids myself, as well as teach a split class, mentor a new teacher, coordinate staff development for the building, work on the leadership team, and am finishing my specialist degree--so it can be done!).

 

[teenytiny]

I HAVE children and I disagree with how they are treating you. I don't think you should have extra work just because you don't have kids. This is unfair.

 

[ZipLine]

Wrong!

Sorry, but your teammates are taking advantage of you. They made the choice to get married, have children, and work. Not your responsibility to pick up the extra work because of their choices. They are justifying their lousy behavior- and it is lousy. Does your principal know this is going on and do other grade levels pull the same shenanigans? I was grade level chair for many, many years and we all shared the work load equally.

As a previous poster said, you need to decline their pushing extra work off on you without any explanation. I would just tell them, "No, I am sorry but I cannot do that." If they insist, I would tell them straight that you are not Cinderella and that you won't be taken advantage of. Obviously they have been and hope to continue. Please stand up for yourself.

When I resigned the position of grade level chair a few years ago, the new gal (a fairly new teacher) wanted to assign me HER homeroom responsibilities since she felt she had so much to do. I said, "No." I told her I had never heard of a teacher assigning another teacher the responsibility that every homeroom teacher had. She was not too happy but too bad. Funny thing is that I teach multiple subjects and she teaches one, and she has never offered to pick up any of my work load!

Be good to yourself!

 

[SportingKC]

Stand up for yourself!

Hearing how these teachers are taking advantage of you makes me angry! Clearly all these people can think about is themselves, and how the world revolves around them.

You have just as much right to have your evenings free as everyone else. I liked the suggestion of coming up with a phrase like Apple Annie suggested. Maybe, "well, I have plans this evening so I won't be able to attend/participate/etc."

 

[uoducks]

I echo

everyone's advice to speak up and not let yourself get pushed around.
I do have kids and a wife and a second job...but I'd never make the judgment that someone else should take on more responsibilities at school because they don't have the same level of perceived outside responsibilities. Your free time is your free time.

I agreed to be on a committee that meets 2x month. Then I was the next in line to be on our Leadership Team, a big time sucker. I approached my principal and asked him which one of the two he preferred I take on. I basically said," I'm on committee A, but looks like I'm the only one at my grade to do committee B. Should I switch to B or can we leave it unfilled?" He smiled and said, "Well committee B is important, so I guess that's the one."
"Great!"
Even Steven!
Good luck

 

[libertyjkh]

Ugg!!!

This happens all the time. It makes me so mad. I just finally started to say NO! My time is just as important. I may not have kids and a husband to feed or worry over.... but I have a life, too. Responsibilities should be spread out equally, they are not, but they should be equal. What gives people the right to decide that their time is more valuable?

 

[Katnmouse]

It used to happen to me all the time too because I didn't have kids of my own. You have to stand up for yourself and tell them that your after school time may be filled differently than those with children but it is filled just the same. You have a right to personal time just like every other teacher there. Let it be known that you won't accept more than your fair share anymore.

 

[teachnkids]

I would learn to say NO if I were you. They can only do this if you allow them too do it! Your time is just as valuable to you as theirs is to them. IMO this is discrimination! Does not matter that you are not married or have kids, you all need to share the work equally,. unless you want to VOLUNTEER to do mare!

 

[kahluablast]

teachnkids - that was my first thought too, that this is discrimination. I would report it as such and let them look at it. Plain and simple.

As a teaching mom, I don't think I could let comments like that go by if I heard them. It is one thing to tease people that way, and another thing to implement policy using it.

 

[amherstteach]

What idiots...stand up for yourself. People will take advantage of you if you keep allowing them to. I am in a serious relationship, but have no kids. I get so sick of the people who have kids who "can't be at 7:00 am department meetings" because "they have kids to get up, lunches to pack and daycare runs to make." You chose to have kids and live that life. I see plenty of other people with kids who can make 7am department meetings because they know how to manage their time and plan ahead. Why should the rest of the staff suffer (and have to have 3pm meetings) because a few people can't get their a$$e$ in gear in the morning???

I hate excuses...I understand that things come up...but in the end we all should help eachother out...

 

[leofenderfan]

Yep...stand up and tell them to get bent! Your time is no les valuable than those with families.

 

[crteacher]

this happens a lot!

I do have kids, but they're grown. People assume that I have more free time than they do, but I don't feel that I have any more free time now than when my kids were at home. I have my own health issues to content with, we have an aging parent DH and I help out with because we are the only family in town, and now our kids ask for help with the grandkids. I have just as many responsibilities now as when I had kids at home. It's taught me not to assume I know what others' personal lives are like and how much free time they have. I just wish people with kids at home wouldn't assume I have more time to take on extra responsibilities than they do.

 

[Dubbamom]

More to family than kids

This is terrible the way that you are treated! Also these people who have children do not have the corner of the market of busy!! There are some people who are also dealing with aging parents, which can be as busy as having children. There is so much in life that can make it "busy"!

As for lunch, maybe starting eating somewhere else or *try* (although it is hard!!) to turn the conversation towards more neutral topics like current events, if you can!

 

[subczy]

So sorry...

As for their lunchtime talk...not much you can do about that. I used to feel the same way before I had kids. I have also found that even once you have kids people will still try to make themselves feel more important b/c then they are comparing weddings, kids, etc to make themselves feel better.

As for the schedules - no one can take advantage of you unless you allow it. You are free to say NO. Sounds to me like you have done your part or paid your dues so to speak and so now you can tell them no next time. Feel free to say sorry *I* am going to need teh early schedule this time and b/c I have worked the late one so often for all of you I know you will understand. If they ask why let them know you have plans. do not feel you need to elaborate on that.

big hugs.

 

[ajhbanana2]

taken advantage of

You are being taken advantage of.

My team tried to do that to me this year and I just said ok, if I take that extra committee and that extra late shift which one of you are going to come over to my house and take care of my aging mother who has Parkinson's disease? She needs her medication at such and such time, she will probably need her diaper changed, and if she starts obsessing that it is not her real house just take her for a drive around the block twice. I am sure you can handle it since you have kids and are used to responsabilities, unlike myself. Suddenly those extra duties were evenly distributed and I had appologies for thinking my time was not just as valuable and full of responsabilities as their own.

Find a way to tell them no.

 

[superteacher0]

seeing the other side

I see where you are coming from, BUT.... keep in mind that in a school the number one thing should be CHILDREN. And when mothers and fathers spend all of their time at work, the children suffer. Our first concern should always be the welfare of children... our own children and students, or not.

Yes, it is a bummer you are doing more, but if you are truly only upset about it because of your pets and social life, these things are not nearly as important as the children in this world. And many women are trying to raise them mostly alone. You may see it as your co-workers skating out, but they are doing a very, very important job at home. As a teacher, I hope you can see that.

Sounds like the problem may be too many committees?? I agree you should back off a little, but also be willing to take late shifts, etc. when others need to take care of their children. They are still volunteering their time, as well. And, any man you date should understand now that a teacher's job never ends, (no surprises for him later when you do have kids and you have to work on committees instead of helping with homework, giving baths, etc.) and that your love for others is a beautiful part of who you are. :-)

 

[Carolyn]

Unlike the poster before me, I am going to stand up for YOU! You have a life outside of school, just like the others. Yes, a person's own children are important, but so is taking care of yourself. Why should you get home late just because the others have children and you don't? Don't they stop to consider that you might have a parent to take care of or some other pressing personal commitments that require your being at home or elsewhere and not in school?

It sounds to me as if the "married mommy" club is trying to take advantage of you because of your marital status. A person's personal life should have no direct bearing upon his/her professional life. They are dumping on you, and you need to speak up for yourself. Speak with your teachers and try to come up with a compromise. If they will not agree, then take it to the principal. I had to do this one year with one situation I was involved in with a team member. She thought, for some reason, that I should have a greater load of work. After talking with her about sharing the workload and her not seeming to agree, I took it to the principal for a resolution. I made sure that she and I were both in the principal's office to discuss the matter, and I patiently and professionally explained to the principal why we had to do the things I wanted to do. The principal resolved it to my satisfaction.