college-age kids

[mary ellen]

My daughter is a high school senior. She started kindergarten at age 6, so when she graduates this May she will be 19. My husband and I can not afford to send her away to college. Our daughter is upset about not being able to experience dorm life, but we just don't have the money. We always told our daughter that she was not allowed to have a job during high school. I always believed her grades would suffer if she had a job. The only jobs she's had have been baby-sitting. So she definitely does not have money to move out and get her own apartment. I would prefer our daughter live at home during college and not work. I want her to do well in college. Its her choice, but her dad and I will support her while she's in college. But I wonder if I'm somehow keeping her from becoming an adult if she lives at home during college. But then on the other hand if she were to get a part-time job and apartment where she had tons of bills to pay she might fall behind in college and drop out. Right now our daughter plans to live at home at least the first year of college, but after that she's not sure what she wants to do. I just don't want to keep her from becoming an adult, but I also want her to graduate college too. I wish my husband and I had enough money to send her away to college. But we don't. So our daughter will have to go to the local public university which costs a lot less.

 

[Vol]

School Loans

Have you gone through the FAFSA process. You might get more assistance than you think if you're incomes are really that low. Otherwise I recommend that you apply for some school loans. She should also be working. Many kids find work only enhances their ability to do great in school. She should work two jobs this summer. It's also good for her to finish school with some debt. It's a maturing process (no credit cards... yikes!). This is what my son is doing. It's worth the investment.. his enhanced education and maturity on living on his own will raise his ability to get employed and pay it off. I did this when I was in college and it paid off. I'm glad I moved away... I did it after going to the local community college fro two years (glad to hear she's agreed to do this for a year). Good luck.

 

[mary ellen]

my daughter

We have been through the FAFSA process and got denied. When our older son was going to go to college he applied for financial aid and didn't get any. We don't make a lot, but still make too much to qualify. I guess thats what happens to the middle class. You can't afford college, yet you don't make enough to pay for it in full.

My husband and I could afford to pay for her tuition(at least most of it), however I don't see how we could afford our daughter's living expenses. The local public university she's going to do have dorms, but to me they are unlivable. We looked at them, and I can't imagine my daughter living in them. They are like mouseholes, and just the ugliest and dirtiest dorms I've ever seen. I'd much rather my daughter live at home. If my daughter takes 4-5 years to graduate she'll be around 24 when she finishes. So if she ends up living at home all during that time, thats still early 20's. I really don't know what to do about her living arrangement except to live at home. I thought maybe she could find a garage apartment to rent. They are usually less expensive.

I think student loans are the best way to go. However, I don't want my daughter to have HUGE student loans where it'll take her 10+ years to pay them back. Some debt is okay, but not so much that you'll never get out of it.

In the summer our daughter will be working. But two jobs seem kind of much. How can you work 2 jobs during the summer if you work 8 hours a day? My daughter is going to work this summer at our church's summer camp, and she'll be working from 8am-6pm, which is more than the usual 8 hours a day. I don't see how she'd have time for a second job, unless she worked weekends as a waitress or some other weekend job. But she would literally be working non-stop with no time for rest. Now some may disagree with me, but I really do not believe in working during the school year. Some people may be able to do it, but not my daughter. In high school my daughter has made C's all the way through. If she were to work too, I know her grades would drop. But who knows maybe college will make her grow up, and maybe somehow she'll learn to better manage her time. But as of right now she waits to the night before a test to study. She just can't do that in college. And if she has a job too, I don't know how long she'll last in college.

 

[ejteacher]

Student loans

Student loans are an ok debt to have. My parents were not able to fund my entire tuition, so I had some undergrad. student loans. I helped with the expenses by being an RA in the dorms. I received free room and I was paid about $200 a month (10 years ago). It was a great job. You had to be in the dorms some of your evenings and weekends which allowed me to study even more! Dorms are not meant to be fancy. Off campus apartments are more often expensive and some are really disgusitng than dorms I think it is important to have an away from home experience.

I also decided to get my master's degree, so I have loans from that too. I had $5,000 forgiven because I work in an economically disadvantaged area, but I will still be paying for a while. The interest is tax deductible. The monthly payments aren't that bad. I also worked every summer.

Just my thoughts...

 

[kite flyer]

I like what the above poster said. I am still in college but have found that if you are ingenuitive enough you will be able to finance college, even if you go off to the dorms. There are often jobs in colleges that are open to students, will work with their schedule, and allow a small number of hrs (~10/wk). I have a friend who found that she could get more study time in by working at the tutoring center. When there were no students coming in she could hit the books herself while still being paid. So, you just have to look for opportunities.

Another possibility if finding less expensive off campus housing. At my school I am able to live more much cheaper in private housing rather than dorms. Plus I don't have to worry about sharing everything with 20 other girls. I have a very tight financial situation and have been able to get furnishings by asking around and looking for anything that people don't want. College students are generally pretty resourcful and I'm sure that your daughtor will be too if she moves out.

Depending on what major your daughter decides upon she will have more of less time for work. Having at least a part time job and learning to budget your time and money are a major part of what it means to be in college. I would definitely say that she should be allowed to have a job! If she gets too many hrs at her job I'm sure that she will be intelligent enough to try and work it out.

Also, I have gone to both community college while living at home and away to a university on my own. It's definitely better to go to a university in terms of the life experience! It's a lot easier way too learn about living on your own when you're surrounded by peers and people that want to help you succeed, than going straight from your parents house to the "real world".

 

[kite flyer]

It's common in the beginning of college to not do very well since you're not used to the higher standards. Students usually start forming study groups, especially in the dorms, and in classes at universities after the first test or so. There aren't as many study groups at community college, but if she looks hard or even tries to start her own it will help out a lot!

She may also improve her habits when she is in college because she will be deciding what her major is, and what she is taking, unlike in high school. Or at least that's what happened with me.

 

[Mrs. O]

If she is going to live with you the first year, maybe she should get a part time job and save her money. Then, if she does decide to get an apartment for the next year, she will have some money saved to help her get started. Maybe, she will see such a savings by staying with you she will decide to stay with you a little longer. Also, really check into finacial aid packages. Some of the work study programs are really good, but I really would try not to incur too much student loan debt if you can help it. Best wishes.

 

[mary ellen]

living at home

I'm okay with whatever my daughter decides. If she does get an apartment or live in a dorm and has to work, I just don't want her to get overwhelmed and fail out of college. I am glad that she'll at least be living at home her first year. It'll give her some growing up time, time to earn some money for if she wants to get an apartment, and more time to look into financial aid/loans/scholarships.

I myself lived at home until I was 25. I don't think it made me any less mature than those who went away to college. When I graduated college I got married shortly after. So I went from living with my parents to living with my husband. So I've never been on my own or independent. While I don't regret my decision, I want my daughter to have choices and know whatever she chooses will be okay. Every individial is different. I was never a very independent person and knew I wouldn't do well on my own. Maybe my daughter will be able to manage being on her own. But at least she has some time to decide which living arrangement she wants to have during college.

 

[MKat]

I think sharing a dorm room was one of the best experiences of my life. I also enjoyed sharing a little two bedroom duplex with 3 other girls the year I lived off campus - and it was cheap! We scrounged our furniture from places I don't even like to think about now. Honestly, it was a great time and we felt pride in our home.

If she agrees to live at home, that's great - but if you are worried about the less than desirable dorms, I want to encourage you to look at housing through different eyes. I think it's good for kids to have the experience of sharing bathrooms and living in less than luxury.

 

[kirsten]

Just put 2 through and third ready to go

They got almost nothing except student loans. Still, they managed to attend state universities and live in the dorms. We had to pay a little bit, but I paid it over time and made it. It was tight, don't get me wrong, but it was worth it for them to have the dorm/college experience. There they participated in all kinds of campus activities - intramural sports, drama, music that they wouldn't have been involved in otherwize. After the first couple of years, when the classes got tougher, they were ready to be off-campus and moved into apartments, which were cheaper. My oldest got a part-time job to help pay for the rent. The younger had roommates that made it cheaper. They both had excellent grades (and are only average students). They both told me they did better than most because they knew those loans are in their own names, NOT my name, so they are motivated to do it right the first time and get out and get a job so they can pay them off. Good luck!

 

[OCEANKA]

Money

I have never really understood when parents assume it is their duty to pay their child's way through college. Of course my parents helped when they could and they make decent money but could never afford to pay my tuition, books, living expenses, etc. I was 17 when I applied to college and for student loans. I paid for rent, books, and spending money with a job (20-30 hours weekly). I did have the advantage of working for a hotel that was very supportive and I set my hours around classes and studying. My best friend/roommate did the same, but our third roommate was the opposite. In fact we paid rent to live in the house her parents bought her. She never worked and did terrible in school. My friend and I both graduated with 3.7 and a 4.0. There were times when I missed out on expensive Spring Break trips ( I went to Florida instead of overseas). We also managed to have a lot of fun with extracurricular activities.

My point is having a job while going to school is not a reason for someone to do poorly, I had to have a schedule to follow and couldn't wait until the last minute. There were seven people in my wedding party that went to school without jobs and had their way paid and they all have academic issues -including my husband who lost a full scholarship because of grades-which had never been a problem in the past. Luckily his parents cut him off and he put himself through school and graduated with his degree in engineering. He did so much better because he was investing his own money and if he messed up, it was his $7,000. He has a much better sense of money and determination.

I felt I never had a right to complain about anything because I still had many more advantages over other people, mostly a family who loved adn supported me.

 

[cdg-1stgrade]

Community College!!!

I started college at the ripe old age of 35. I started at my local Community College with an Associates Degree, going part time. It took 4 years. I then went on to get my BA for free because I got a full scholarship from a private college. My son did like wise, starting at the community college for the Associates & transferred in at Junior level, with a partial scholarship for good grades. My daughter did the same & graduated from NIU with honors (& a partial scholarship). My high school senior son will follow suit.
Community Colleges are a great experience. They are are not just for students who "couldn't get into a regualr college" which was the opinion years ago. The education that we all got sure helped us at our 4 year schools (each of us went to a different one) and none of us regret it. We were able to take care of our general education classes at the community level and concentrate on our majors while in our Jr/Sr years.
If you have the local resources, use them. Community Colleges are a lot less expensive, your daughter can live at home & have support as she starts to take on college work loads which often are a shock for kids. They also have clubs, organizations and activities just like the 4 year schools. They also have tutors & other resources. Everything is just like a 4 year school, except you live at home & your class sizes aren't in the 100's like some at big university lecture classes can be. Community College was the best investment we ever made in our children's education.
Good Luck!

 

[mary ellen]

paying for college

I do think it is a parents responsibility to pay for their child's college education if they are in a financial position to do so. How else is a college freshman who has never had a full-time job going to pay for it. I have never allowed my kids to work during high school. Their grades would have suffered. And as far as college goes, a part-time job is okay as long as its not every day. College students need time to study. And if all they do is work and go to school, they won't have time for anything and will always be under an incredible amount of pressure. I do not believe in all this college students need to struggle idea. That makes life a lot harder for them. Now every situation is different. But when I was in college and the one semester I did work I got D's and failed a class cause I worked so much. From then on, my parents paid for college and I got A's and B's. My parents always told me that school was my job, and thats exactly what I tell my daughter. Her first priority should be college, not some minimum wage part-time job that has nothing to do with the career she wants to go into. Not everyone can work and go to school making good grades. Some people struggle academically. And if a family is in a position to pay for their child's college education and let them live at home during college, thats what I call a SUPPORTIVE FAMILY. I just don't believe that college students should be expected to become independent adults & financially on their own when they aren't out of school and working in professional jobs yet.

 

[cincy teacher]

one going to college in the fall too!

My daughter is going to a private out of state college in the fall. I am not in a position to pay for her schooling and I agree with the previous poster about college being the student's responsibility with some help from the parent. We applied for FAFSA and don't qualify for much but every little bit helps. We are hoping and praying for scholarships. My daughter and I had a talk about loans and she understands that she will have to borrow money for school (I'm a single mom).
I think that the dorm experiences are invaluable. They learn so much and experience so much. I lived at home and commuted to college. I really never felt connected and to this day don't keep in touch with anyone that I went to college with. I too, think that you should consider looking at the dorms a different way.
How does your daughter feel about living at home for the four years? Some kids would rather commute. I did tell my daughter if she chose to go to college in this city I wanted her to live on campus for at least 2 years.
I also agree that a part time job, an apartment and college is too much. Would a part time job even pay all of the bills?

 

[GB]

Working

It won't hurt her one bit to get a decent job and go to school. I always worked as a teenager and maintained academic honor roll. I worked throughout college and my Master's degree as well, and maintained my grades. I took out loans and had saved quite a bit to go to college.

My parents couldn't help me at the time, but they helped out paying back some of my loans later. She could go to community college or a 4-year school and stay at home the first year, work in the evenings, and save up. It's okay to have loans and defer them for a while-just so they get paid back. She needs to experience a job on her own by now, too.

 

[Kaitlyn]

dpends on the area

I think it depends on the area you live in if its financially possible to live on your own during college. I am 23 and in college and the university I go to doesn't have dorms cause its a commuter university so I'll never have a dorm experience. I can't help that the college I go to doesn't have them. The cheapest college I could find was this commuter university with no dorms. The other universities in my area with dorms were too expensive. Living in an apartment in my area would be financially impossible. Most apartments go for $600-$700 per month. There's even apartments in my area that are $1,000 per month. I have a part-time job, and I don't even make enough to cover rent, let alone bills. Studio apartments aren't much less, around $550. So my only option is to live at home. Its not what I planned on. But I'd rather live at home than be broke, and not able to afford college. Some areas housing is more expensive than others, so living in an apartment wouldn't be possible. Even when college students work part-time jobs, most don't make enough to afford the high housing costs.

 

[javamomma]

student loans

I went through school on student loans, that is how my parents sent me, they were able to provide extra spending money and gas money for me. I knew the loans would be my responsiblity when I graduated, which are now all paid off.
For my son the same thing will apply. I will be happy to do what I can to help him but I dont have the money to flat out pay for tuition, dorms, books etc.

 

[msuteach]

Don't fret!

I just graduated from Michigan State University with my teaching degree 2 years ago. My parents were unable to help with college costs, so I got by on scholarships, student loans, and working. I also was not able to have a regular job during high school, so I didn't have a lot of savings to fall back on. However, the previous posters that referred to FAFSA are right. Make sure that's filled out and sent in!!

I am now currently paying off student loans, and although I know that's not fun, I also know that during college I was MUCH more responsible, both with my classes and with my money because I had to be. Many friends, who had parents that were able to help out a LOT with finances, regularly skipped classes, didn't do homework (b/c they didn't really care how good their grades were), and partied instead of studying. I know that I had to work harder, but I still had a lot of fun.

Oh, and also, in the ultra-competitive teaching job market in Michigan, many of these friends who didn't work as hard are still subbing and looking for teaching jobs, 3 years after graduation. I was able to get a job in a public school right out of my internship...although it was inner-city and therefore a tougher job, I survived (due in part, I feel, to the work ethic developed during college) and now I have a job in a GREAT district and have purchased a home with my soon to be finace.

If your daughter wants to move out and go to school, she can do it, even if you can't foot the bill. In the end, she'll probably even be better off

 

[msuteach]

oops

...I meant "soon to be fiance"...my bad

 

[PEPteach]

dorm life

I am a recent grad, and cannot emphasize enough how important I think dorm life is. I did go to an expensive private college, only by taking out tons of loans, which I'll be paying off for awhile, but to me, it was worth it. I'd have to say living in the dorms was one of the most difficult experiences for me. Dealing with difficult roommates, people who had different lifestyles, and simply having to be so responsible with everything from getting enough sleep to eating healthy...all these situations really helped me grow up into an adult. Trust me, there were many phone calls home and many times when I wanted to come home, but I am so glad my parents made me live in a dorm. Now that I'm out, I look back on those years with many happy memories. The friendships that you form when you live with other students are incredible. I did have two friends in particular who seriously did not have the money to go to school and live in a dorm, but they worked through college, and just became very responsible with both their money and school work, and got through. Now I'm back living at home to save money, but I feel much more prepared to live on my own when I'm ready.

 

[bh]

parent

Its not the parents' responsibility to pay for college. My parents didn't and I didn't expect them to hand money over to me. I don't understand why she didn't start working when she turned 16. Having a job is very good experience for a young adult in order to learn skills to be a responsible adult. Your daughter is being over-protected by you probably because you weren't expected to be independent when you were growing up. I think you should let her make her own decisions. You are keeping her from becoming an adult. She should move out and be on her own after high school. You are not helping her by treating her as though she was still a little girl. I believe you are doing her a disservice by making her dependent on you. You need to let her go and grow up.

 

[mary ellen]

my daughter

Making a 16 year old work is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. 16 year olds are still in high school, and school is their job. They are barely old enough to drive!!! When my daughter was 16 she didn't even have a car yet. They are still minors and it is still their parents responsibility to take care of them. I really feel sorry for kids who have parents that just push them out of the house once they reach 18. Age does not make you an adult and kids should not be forced out of their home just cause they graduate high school. Some kids need a little extra time to grow up, and I see nothing wrong with college students living at home. I'm not saying that my daughter has to live at home all during college, but I don't think she's immature for wanting to stay at home for at least a year.

 

[AM]

moving out

I moved out during college and it was the worst decision I could have ever made. I wanted to be on my own, but I couldn't make enough to pay my rent. I was in tears practically every day, never had time for studying & was making terrible grades, and didn't even have money to pay for enough groceries so I could eat. I was definitely poor living on my own, and was miserable. I seriously thought about dropping out of college so I could live on my own. Luckily I had parents that let me live at home. I paid for tuition and books, but lived at home and didn't have to pay for rent. If I hadn't lived at home I doubt I would have finished college. I would still be working at a job I hated. So there's nothing wrong with living at home if you can't afford to live on your own. It doesn't make you dependent on your parents. You are doing what is right to get through college so you will have a better life in the future.

 

[bh]

car

She didn't have a car because YOU wouldn't let her have a job. I really feel sorry for her. It's kids like this that end up getting married right out of college (or high school) because they don't know how to take care of themselves. They never get a chance to be on their own. Kids can and do work and go to school. Too bad you don't have much confidence in your daughter. I think living at home when you're 25 is ridiculous. She probably will have bills because she hasn't been given a chance to develop a good work ethic. You're making her dependent on others instead. Just because you were treated like that doesn't mean she should have to go through this too. Working and being independent is good for women to experience. I think you should give your daughter some freedom finally. Let her experience life and quit trying to "protect" her. Life isn't always easy, but she will feel better about her accomplishments knowing they are hers and she worked hard for them.

 

[mary ellen]

rude

Its not just my daughter that didn't work during high school. Most of the high school kids that go to school with my daughter do not work. I know plenty of parents that will not let their high school kids work. There is nothing wrong with school being your job. I found your post extremely rude!!! And what is so wrong with getting married straight out of college. I did it, and I am still happily married!!! Just moving out of your parents house doesn't make you into a responsible adult. You can be a responsible adult living at home, and you can also be irresponsible living on your own.