disagreements about moving w/ DH: need advice

[kyteacher1]

Well, the whole "moving to a new house" discussion had been going pretty well with my DH until recently. We've been looking at houses on the internet and we've had some great talks about what we are looking for in our next home (we agree on pretty much everything).

Well, about a week ago I pulled up some properties in the next county over just to see what was available. It turns out that houses in that county are within our price range and are a lot larger but the area is very rural. I showed him some homes to get his opinions (big mistake ) and now that's all he's interested in -- rural properties w/ lots of land out in the middle of nowhere with a pond so he can fish. I realize now this was a mistake. I'm a city gal. I don't think I want to move somewhere rural. Tonight he got shi**y with me when I made the comment "what the he** are we going to do with 5 acres of land - we don't have cows, we don't "farm" and I only bet on horses -- I dont' ride them, we dont' have a tractor, and I don't do gardens)

Here's the real kicker: My DH leaves every 3 weeks to go to his job then he's home for 3 weeks. I don't want to be stuck in a big house on acres of property in the middle of nowhere all alone everytime he goes out of town for his job. I think it will probably scare me to death. The first noise I hear I'll be a basket case begging my mom to come stay with me. But he's not really listening to my thoughts about it all -- he's completely disinterested in any houses now that doesn't have acreage, a fishing pond, or a barn. (we can't afford a big lot of property in this county -- way too expensive).

What did I get myself into? How do I go back to the way things were when a simple 2 car garage and enough room for a pool made him happy.
I royally screwed up. Any advice?

 

[ecteach85]

I feel for you. Talk to him when he's in a more reasonable mood and willing to discuss more options, maybe. Can't help you though because I live on a 20+ acre tract in the boonies. I can't see any neighbors' homes from my house. We moved here from a tourist area where neighbors could just about reach out their kitchen window to shake hands if I was on my back porch!

I love it here though. I feel safe here, but I also have a huge German Shepherd and 2 Rottweilers! If hubby and kids are gone at night, at least one of them is in the house with me and lays on a doggie bed in the hallway while the others guard outside.

When we first moved though, I was sitting out on the patio one night talking to a friend on the phone. We have one of the big outdoor lights from the power company out back between the pool deck and the woodline. I heard a noise and was about to panic. I told my friend to hold on while I went inside. Now, our house had no blinds or curtains and windows beside most of the exit doors that were floor to ceiling glass. I was home alone with 2 babies while hubby was out of town. I went in to get my 357 out of the lock box in case someone was out there.

The noise was coming an area of the woods that I couldn't see into and it was already dark. I felt foolish later though because while I was peeking out of a window watching, I saw the most beautiful family of deer come out of the woods and cross through my backyard. What a sight! Even after 10 years, if I'm coming home by myself late at night and no one is home, it can get a little unnerving until I'm in the house. No way could I go back to city living with neighbors who can hear me sneezing from being so close on top of my house.

 

[Hifiman]

Let him cool on the idea

Don't panic yet. Let him think about it for a while and chances are he'll probably cool off on the concept. I'm that way all the time, but I purposely make myself wait a bit to be sure. More often than not I talk myself out of things because I realize later on a million reasons why whatever it was wouldn't work out for the best. My suggestion is that you cool it too for a while. You don't need both of you digging in and not bending. I might also look for some properties in the area you want to be in and see if you can get him to come look. Chances are he'll find something that will divert his attention.

And if all else fails you could always withhold the one thing guys can't do without - the tv remote.

 

[PoohBear]

acreage

Sorry, but I had to laugh because I just went through the same thing with my husband....must be a guy thing You may be relieved to know that I am writing this from my new house in a regular neighborhood with neighbors and a normal sized backyard.

You have completely reasonable concerns and he should be willing to listen to them. If you are not getting ready to move really soon I would just back off a little and give him time to think it over without pressure from you. It's exciting to think you can own a big house on a lot of land and he needs to let that excitement calm down before he can look objectively at the pros and cons.

 

[Rubyslippers]

We lived in the country for the first 14 years of our marriage and i loved it! It was quiet and no one botheres you. I felt safer out there than I did when I grew up in town, because thieves and rapist etc. aren't gonna bother driving all the way out into the country to do their dirty work. (at least I felt that way). We moved to town about 4 1/2 years ago, lost our house to a fire, then moved into the edge of town where we live now. We are two miles from town, have close by neighbors, but still live out away from the noise. I like it, but not as much as I liked the country.

 

[teachnkids]

Play your cards right

I would focus on the afraid part and safety of being out there alone 3 weeks at a time. I would also ask him if he has the money to hire someone to do the outdoors upkeep while he is away for 3 weeks at a time. Hopefully one or both of these will rattle his cage and he'll get some sense in his head. Don't you just hate when you open your mouth and then regret it. Don't stress too much---it will work out!

 

[snapshot]

Been there...

I grew up a city girl. My husband grew up in a rural community where they do things that I still can't even understand (after 20 years of marriage).

We had the same argument but had to move due to my job. I was soooo uncertain about living in a rural area...for all of the same reasons you are (except the 3 weeks without him at a time thing)

Well, 15 years later, we have a home on 23 acres of land WITH a one acre pond. I love it and would never want to move.

Don't get me wrong, there are + and -, but the pond is the best thing for the kids, we planted a fruit orchard that they help take care of and from time to time we try our hand at a veggie garden that's pretty darn big!

We do have an alarm system, not because we have any material things of value (other than our laptop and new TV), but for security...since sometimes my husband travels.

The view is beautiful, (we live in the hills) and you would not believe how the moon lights up the sky when it's full. We also see the Milky Way on a regular basis and have campfires in our own yard.

They lawn mowing does suck, and we have to take the kids to their friends' homes (wish more kids lived close by)...but people have to deal with that in neighborhoods too sometimes.

Oh, and you'll probably have to think about well water vs. public sewer/septic...and propane vs. natural gas.

Take some time to breathe...and maybe take a ride out to those communities and see it first hand rather than just looking on the web.

Good luck and best wishes!

 

[ecteach85]

snapshot, we have fires too. We have a large cleared area across from the pasture and love to sit up there watching the horses. We call it our campground. We put hammocks, a stone fire ring, table, chairs etc. It's so relaxing. Now hubby has moved a gas grill up there in addition to the one on the back patio too. Only thing missing is a pond, but that's coming next summer. There were tons of blackberry and grape vines here and now we have fruit trees (apple, pear, fig) and a greenhouse for my herbs and a huge veggie garden too. I don't step foot in most of the wooded areas in summer (SNAKES!!..fear!) but in the winter, the kids and I hike every inch of them on weekends. They've cleared trails through there now. Best part is, I can take my chubby self out by the pool and not worry about neighbors .

As for mowing, get a few goats . You won't ever need to mow again!

 

[snapshot]

ecteach85

Wow, sounds so nice. We don't have any horses but talked about it and actually went to peak at a pony once. We have deer around too and once watched an entire family of turkey with little hatchlings walking across the corn field next door...they were soooo cute! (But we also have lots of fox and coyote ) The sunsets and rises are sooo beautiful.

You will love the pond. PM me if want some thoughts on what think about as well as fish to stock, etc. We've had our pond for about 5 years now and put it in.

We don't worry about snakes too much since mostly we see Gardner (sp?) Snakes but there are rattlers in a state park not far from us...and we actually saw them 2x

For us, right now, "Green Acres is the Place to Be..."

 

[mgndvd]

as a kid I lived way out in the countryside and hated it...no friends, no neighbors and not a great family. with our own kids, we lived out of a big city, on a mountain top and it was so nice. Lots of space, lots of outside adventures, lots of parties on the week-end... But we decided we'd move back in town when our kids were around 11 so they could see their friends more and do all the teenage socializing. Now, a few years later, both our kids think it was the best childhood they could have had. As for me, I enjoyed being able to run and ski so much but I sure don't miss the power shortages or the water frozen in the pipes for days at a time...Nor the cooking on an alcohol stove when nothing else worked!!!