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Do you ever feel broken?

Katluv

Senior Member
I should probably not be having a pity party but at 52, I am indeed feeling broken. I am in a loveless marriage, sick of politics in the district I’ve taught in for 30 years and just feel lost.

I’m healthy and I think most people would say I’m attractive. I’m the “funny” one according to others but lots of times I feel like I’m dying inside.

Right now I like my son and his girlfriend, my parents, a few friends at work and my cat. Other than that, I’m sick and tired of everyone and everything.

Sometimes I wish I could just run far away and start a new life. Maybe someday.

I’m not asking for pity. If people who knew me knew I was writing this they would laugh and tell me I’m ridiculous. After all, on the outside it looks like I have a great life. On the inside, it’s just the opposite. I just needed to tell someone how I’m feeling because I certainly can’t tell anyone here.

Thanks for reading, PT friends!
 
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suzyteach

Senior Member
Katluv, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am glad you can come here and say what you don't feel you can say irl. It might help to find a counselor you can talk with, someone to get things out to, and someone who could support you if you decide you want to make some changes.
Thinking of you. We care!
 

1956BD

Senior Member
Feeling Broken

I can understand how a loveless marriage could make you feel broken. I am sorry you feel that way.

Yes, sometimes I feel broken. That is mostly due to losing my husband in January of this year. He was part of me and I no longer feel whole.

I have noticed over my 65 years of life that often (not always) people who are the funny one in a crowd have some deep sadness inside that they are trying to cover up. Or maybe they joke to lift their own spirits. Perhaps this applies to you. Perhaps not.

Ultimately we are all responsible for our own happiness. I hope you will plan to spend more time with the people who bring you joy and seek pastimes that that are joyful as well.

If you feel like you are dying inside I would not ignore that feeling. I would explore it and try to discover the cause. Then you can determine how to deal with it best and make the needed changes to be happy.

Your thread does not feel like a pity party to me. You identified problems in your life but also many blessings. There is nothing wrong with that. We all deal with the "good" and the "bad" or maybe just "not so good" in our lives.

Good luck to you. I hope you have a happier future.
 

amiga13

Senior Member
(((Katluv)))) You don’t sound one bit pitiful to me. But you do sound like some expert advice might help you. I admire your ability to analyze your feelings.

At my darkest hour, when DH died, what helped me most was making big changes in my life. I know that won’t work for everyone, but moving and starting over in a new location helped me enormously.

With 30 years, are you close to retirement? I retired at 30 years and feel like I have a whole new life. A very very happy one. I miss DH every day, but I know he’d appreciate my decisions.
 

MathWA

Senior Member
First I want you to know that Im sending many ((hugs)) your way.

I agree with others that seeing a counselor will help you during this dark period and to help you to emerge from it much happier. I went through a very difficult time many years ago and counseling definitely helped. Just take that first step towards healing.

Im glad you have this board where you can express your feelings. We are here for you.
 
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Ruby tunes

Senior Member
Katluv

I would like to second what 1956BD wrote. It’s excellent advice. I hope you are able to take any necessary steps to find more happiness. You deserve it! (((Katluv)))
 

GraceKrispy

Senior Member
(((katluv))) I have felt broken for a few days/weeks at a time, but not for extended times. It's tough to feel this way and not have support for it. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I think it's worth seeing someone (professional) and talking through some of what you are feeling. Life is too short to suffer if you can make changes or do things that help.
 

Munchkins

Senior Member
(((Katluv)))

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Thank you for trusting us with your deepest feelings. I hope you are able to find a professional irl to help you move forward. You are stronger than you think. We are here for you. <!--sunflower-->
 

Sam5

Senior Member
I have definitely had lots of moments in my life when I had what I call runawayitis. As I would drive to work in the morning it would take everything I had to stay on the route to school and not take off and just run away and disappear.

I too always seemed to have it together- 2 great kids, good husband, decent job ( though the drama would get to me)nice house. I think I felt responsible for everything going on in the world and was just tired of it all.

Know you are not alone. Give yourself a break. If possible, try to have a change of scenery even if for a little while.

Remember we all care and are always willing to listen.
 

anna

Senior Member
I have felt this way and I remember reading about how sometimes glass breaks and a light,however small,shines through. My hope is that this eventually happens for you.
((Katluv))
 

Keltikmom

Senior Member
Katluv

I have been there. Recommend therapy and finding something that deeply interests/intrigues you. A craft, a Great Courses course, walking, a new job, something. Anything to break out of the doldrums and sustain your inner soul.
 

CatLove

Senior Member
I have times where I feel sorry for myself. It usually happens after something shakes my foundations little. I always know that I’ll wake up in the morning and feel better.

I’m sorry you feel this way. I’ve never felt broken but I do worry that one day I’m going to snap out of nowhere.

I’m financially stable and that’s always a huge comfort to me.

The above posters, as always, have great comments.
 

TeaPro

Senior Member
You have already gotten excellent ideas and advice. I'll just add that I'm thinking about you (I've had low times in my life, too) and hope you can find some peace. Take care.
 

PinkSparkle9

Senior Member
Hi Katluv! Sorry you’re feeling broken. I felt lost at one point in my life and ended up working with a life coach. It literally changed my life. I then became one.

I’d be happy to chat with you if you’re interested.
 

happygal

Senior Member
Yes

When I was married I felt broken. I made drastic changes. I tried to improve my marriage, but failed at that. 14 years post divorce and while a bit lonely i have crafted my own life. You must save yourself. You can make any change you want. I suggest a separation. Wish i had just done that. On the job. I got out of contacted teaching. You will figure out what is going to work for you <!--sunflower--><!--watermelon-->

You aren't alone and we care about you
 

md2dkh3

Senior Member
Such great, thoughtful advice has been given. Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts. Please know that it is possible to create a life that brings you joy. Go for it!
 

BioAdoptMom3

Senior Member
We are always here for you and my heart goes out to you. Sometimes getting it out there is all you can really do and it does feel good. Are you close enough to any of your friends you mentioned to feel comfortable sharing? Maybe a therapist? A clergy person if you have one?

My prayers support you.
Nancy
 
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