drinking & driving

[sharyl]

My ex husband and I have a 15 year old daughter. My ex is remarried and his wife has a 19 year old daughter that lives at home with my ex and her mom. My daughter lives with me but visits her dad every other weekend.

My ex is a good dad, and my daughter's stepmom seems nice. I don't know her too well, but she seems like a nice person to me. But I am very concerned about my daughter's stepsister's influence on my daughter. My daughter's stepsister from what my daughter tells me is into a lot of bad stuff and I am afraid that it will rub off on my daughter. For instance my daughter told me she found condoms in the bathroom that her stepsister and her share through their adjoining bathrooms. My daughter really likes her stepsister and my ex allows the girls to go out together, which I have concerns about. My daughter tells me that the stepsister smokes and has offered my daughter cigarettes. Luckily my daughter told her stepsister she doesn't want to try them. But what really concerns me is my daughter told me that the other weekend she went out with her stepsister and her stepsister's friend and both her stepsister(who was driving) and stepsister's friend were drinking alcohol. Now I don't want to start trouble with my ex and his wife, but I am furious at my daughter's stepsister for putting my daughter in a postion that is dangerous and that could get everyone in the car killed. I do not want my daughter's stepsister to ever drive my daughter anywhere again, but I don't know what control I have over that since its not my household, but my ex's. What should I do? Also, my daughter told me that her stepsister told her not to tell Dad & Stepmom that she was smoking and drinking, and my daughter is keeping that secret from her dad. I guess she doesn't want to betray her stepsister's trust or get her in trouble. But these are serious matters and my ex and his wife should know what dangerous behavior my daughter's stepsister is up to. I really don't know how to approach the situation without causing trouble.

 

[bamateach]

tough

My first concern would be for my own daughter's safety. Luckily she sounds like she can come to you and talk. I would take these opportunities to be very blunt with her about how stupid her stepsister's behavior is and the effects of it. I don't know if you live within close proximity, but I would make sure that my daughter knew that no matter what if anything like that ever happened again she should call you to come get her and you will without question or fail. God bless you. I have 2 daughters and they are still young so I really don't know what to say about the other. I will be interested to learn from the others that will post. My question for you is this - Can you pinpoint EXACTLY what helped your relationship with your daughter be so open. I really want my girls to feel like they can come to me. I worry about the things they will face. I am very open with my girls and we talk a lot I just don't want that to change. What was the key with your daughter?

 

[anon]

stepsister

This girl is 19. Honestly, most 19 year olds are sexually active. At least she has condoms.Be glad they allow her to have them in the home...otherwise they would be in denial.

On the otherhand, perhaps they are in denial about her drinking.

 

[GB]

My kids aren't that old,

but I'd say that this is pretty serious on the whole. I wouldn't smooth everything over to save face. Stay specific about the actual issues, and don't budge. You don't have to rock the boat too much to get your point across. The exposure to drinking and sex stops. It's too much of an influence on your 15 year old, and the more she is exposed to it, the more she'll be tolerant of it. They can deny all they want, but they probably know what's going on in reality. I know that I would draw the line somewhere before a more serious issue surfaces as a direct result of this exposure/involvement. I mean, you have to protect your daughter!