extended family at Christmas

[Rachel L]

My parents are divorced and I have split holidays for as long as I can remember. I still spend X-Mas Eve with Mom and her family and X-Mas afternoon and evening with Dad and Stepmom and Dad's family. It works out really great. Splitting the holidays isn't what I'm upset about. Its my dad's extended family. It just seems like my extended family is all going their own way and that we aren't a family anymore.

My dad's family has always spent Christmas together. We have my grandmother, my dad, stepmom, stepsister, my aunt, and all of my aunt's kids. However my cousins are a little bit older than I am. My aunt has 3 kids- two from her first marriage that are now 34 and 35. And one from her second marriage who is 19. The cousins in their 30's are both married and have kids. My aunt has four grandchildren. Usually we will all get together for Christmas at my aunt's house. But not this year. My cousin who's 34 will be going to her in-laws house. My aunt can't bare to not be with her grandchildren at Christmas. So she is going to her daughter's in-laws house, plus my two other cousin's who aren't any way related to my cousin's in-laws are going. They are combining families for Christmas. I do understand my aunt wanting to be with her grandchildren for Christmas. However when adult kids get married its very common to alternate years of celebrating holidays. Plus, I'm a little irritated at her for all of a sudden after years of spending holidays with my dad and our family to just cancel on us. Plus my aunt sees her kids and grandkids all the time. Its been months since my aunt has seen my dad or me. My aunt seems too focused on her family to even call my dad. He's always the one to call his sister, and it irritates him that she never reciprocates. My dad and my aunt used to get together all the time, until my cousin's started having kids. Then my aunt's grandchildren became her total focus, and my aunt started not calling my dad as much anymore because she was so busy with her grandchildren.

So I'll be having a small Christmas this year, which is kind of nice. My aunt and her grown kids can be very judgemental of my stepsister and say inappropriate things to her. So my stepsister rarely spends Christmas with us cause she doesn't feel comfortable around my aunt and her kids. And I can say I don't blame her. Since most of our relatives aren't coming my stepsister is comfortable spending Christmas with us cause she won't feel like she's being judged by my aunt and her kids. So its a good thing that by my aunt and her family backing out of Christmas it has gotten my stepsis to spend Christmas with us. So Christmas will just be with my immediate family.

So Christmas will be at my dad and stepmom's house. It will be just Dad, Stepmom, stepsis, and my grandmother. I guess its normal now that my cousins all have families of their own to not spend Christmas together anymore. I guess its hard cause my stepsister and I both are still single and don't have families of our own. I always liked spending Christmas with my extended family. I guess I'll just have to get used to having a smaller Christmas until I'm married and have kids of my own.

 

[MKat]

Natural Progression

I think that's a pretty natural progression. I grew up far from family, but had a group of families we always spent holidays with. As each family started having inlaws and grandchildren, they split off from the group to have their own celebration. In our case, I haven't heard of any hard feelings due to this, it just sort of happened naturally.

 

[istoleahalo]

I am soon going to have to exit myself from some family hollidays too. I have a large family, my adoptive parents, bio mom and family, and bio dad and family. Then my husband also has his mom's family and his dad's family. It is too much for us so we are going to have to start making decisions soon on how to divide our time without going mentally insain! We don't have kids yet but are going to begin trying soon and there is no way we can to to this many Thanksgivings/Christmas's with children in tow. I always spend Christmas eve with one grandmother, Christmas morning with my parents (adoptive), then Christmas afternoon with another grandmother. My bio parents were usually a few days before or after as they realized that my priority was my adoptive family since they raised me. However my husband has similar family traditions and unless we want to be apart for Christmas (NO WAY!), we have to compromise somewhere. Hopefully family will understand!

 

[Rachel L]

extended family

I'll probably be more understanding once my stepsister and I are both married and have children. Then just spending christmas with my dad and stepmom will make more sense. I also have another aunt in another state with grown kids(31, 32, & 33) and she and her family haven't spent christmas with us in years cause all of her kids are also married and have children. Now my 19 year old cousin hasn't started having kids yet but her brother and sister have. Besides my 19 year old cousin, my stepsister and I are the only grandchildren who aren't married and have kids. Of the grandchildren I'm the second youngest(24). I guess its normal that we don't spend christmas together anymore. My cousins are just so much older than I am, and its normal that they've started having families and my stepsister and I haven't. But still its hard to get used to not having the big extended family at christmas that I have been used to.

 

[AD]

I think it's natural that once people get married and start to have children the holidays change. This started to happen in my family last year. We always get together on my mom's side for Christmas day. It was Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. Last year my oldest cousin wasn't there, because she is married now and has a baby. Her husband's family also celebrates on Christmas day. They now do every other holiday on both sides. Last year with his family, and this year with my family.

Now I'm the one who won't be there for Christmas this year. My fiance's family is from out of town (and out of the country~England!), so I'm going over there for the holidays. It will be different to not be with my family this year, but I'm very much looking forward to being with my future in-laws

I think that's what starts to happen as each generation gets older, marries, and has children. My one cousin and I are the oldest, so we are the first to "break away" and go to the in-laws. I think eventually we may all stop getting together, and it will be my parents, my siblings, their significant others (someday), and all of our children.

Despite the fact that your Christmas will be different, I hope you have a nice time!

 

[Newbie]

Normal

I haven't been to my dad's family's Christmas in a while, and I'm forever hearing about it from his sister (my aunt). It seems like every year in like June she starts getting on my nerves because she's constantly reminding me of the Christmas plans. She just doesn't understand that I am married and have twice the family I had before. I can't be everywhere at once, and it seems like it always hurts someone's feelings!

My point is, it's normal for this to happen to families as people get older. Enjoy the time you have with your small group of family members, and don't worry about not seeing the others.