"Family" VENT!

[AD]

I just need to vent a little about families before I explode and say something I shouldn't say! Tonight my parents (meaning mom and stepdad) had some of his relatives over. My stepdad's uncle, his wife, their two children (one has a baby), and my stepdad's mom came over. She is the sister of the uncle.

Anyway, my stepdad has been my stepdad since I was 7 (I'm 28). I have known his mother forever too! Well, his uncle and aunt were very nice to me tonight (haven't seen them in years), and they were asking what I've been up to, my job, my fiance, etc. Well, step-grandmother comes in after everyone is there, and says "hi" and hugs everyone. She completely ignored me! After saying hello to everyone, she picked up the baby, so at first I thought maybe she just didn't notice me because of the baby. Fine I can deal with that. BUT she said hello to everyone else. I was even standing by the aunt who was holding the baby. Step-grandmother turned her back towards me! I CANNOT STAND HER ANYMORE!

Ever since I was a small child, I was made to feel like I didn't fit in. At Christmas she always wanted her picture taken with all of HER grandchildren. She never asked me to be in the picture. I remember being like 7 years old and sitting off by myself while all the grandchildren got together for a picture. Also, she always got me the cheapest, crappiest gift while getting nice gifts for all the other kids. I know, money isn't everything, it's the thought that counts, but when you are 10 years old, and you open some obviously VERY cheap gift that's about ready to fall apart and everyone else gets $25 in cash, it makes a kid feel terrible!

Anyway, if you are a step-grandmother or grandfather or some kind of step, please remember that a stepchild is a HUMAN. It's not their fault.
-include them in photos
-give them a Christmas gift
-send them a birthday card
-greet them
-make them feel welcomed
-ask them how they are doing
-DON'T TREAT THEM LIKE SOME STUPID NOBODY

I was in a bad accident this summer, and step-grandmother has never asked how I'm doing. I'm getting married this spring, and step-grandmother has never congratulated me or said ANYTHING about it. I don't even want to invite her to my wedding!

I REALLY CAN'T STAND HER!
Ok, I'm feeling a little bit better. Thank you for listening.

 

[javamomma]

hugs

That is wrong, plain and simple.

My inlaws got 2 wonderful grandchildren when their son married me. They do not treat my children any different that "their" grandchildren. You would not be able to tell that mine are not "blood".

 

[speeder1]

You have every right to feel upset and left out. Family get-togethers can be stressful. My husband has an aunt that treats him differently than his sister. She will spend her last dime on my sis-in-law but would not pay 60 cents for postage on a package (money was left on the TV)and instead she had them to send it back. I could go on and on, but you are going through the same stuff.

You must be a lot nicer than I am, because I would had said something like...After 21 years you would think you would finally remember that I am a part of this family.....or acknowledge her and hold open my arms to make her have to give me a hug. That is just the way that I am.

Best wishes and remember you will out-live her.

 

[MaryMac]

Shame on that woman!

I will never understand why some people purposely turn their backs on what could be an additional loving family relationship. It is her loss but I am sorry that she has hurt you.

 

[Tiffany]

Hugs!

I'm so sorry she is so insensitive and uncaring. My sister is getting married to a man who has 2 boys and I can't imagine them not being treated like everyone else. I haven't even met them yet (they live halfway across the country) but I was out yesterday looking for Christmas presents for them. I can't wait to be an aunt when they get married!

 

[Patches]

Don't Invite Her!

Please don't invite her to your wedding! She is evil and a bully- do not let an evil presence near you on your holy day!

If you "hurt her feelings"- good for you! She has been hurting your feelings with great pleasure for the past 10+ years! And- if the step parent doesn't like it - ask him why he continued to let his evil mother treat you like she has in HIS home? He must be "afraid" of her also- so YOU have to be the one with the backbone to cut her out of your life. Do it girl!

No caring, loving person would to those things to a 7 year old, or a ten year old. Make her GO AWAY!

Patches

 

[Patches]

One More Thought-

One more thing I just thought of- you can't change all those hateful things that happened in your past. But-- you can control your present and future by making certain she doesn't come near you again!

 

[AD]

Thanks for your kind words

Hi everyone,
Thank you for your kind words. I was fuming all night last night, and left the party early. Today I'm a little calmer and thought I was being too harsh in my post. Then I reread it this morning, and my blood is starting to boil again!

I'm going Christmas shopping with my mom today, and I'm going to talk to her about it. She feels bad (I know that), and she feels even worse that she never stuck up for me years ago. I don't think she realized how much it really did affect me. We've talked about it over the years but not recently.

My stepdad is a great guy who would do anything for me. Thank goodness he doesn't take after her. Actually I'm moving out of my apartment today, and he was over bright and early this morning moving everything

I'm going to tell my mom that step-grandmother is not welcome to my wedding and will not be getting an invitation UNLESS my mom or my stepdad will finally talk to her about her behavior towards me. If they talk to her, I'm willing to reconsider, but at this point my mind is firmly made up. I don't need to invite someone who will probably ignore me that day too. I think about the children that I will have in the future too, and I will do everything I can to protect them from someone who thinks they're half a person because they aren't biological grandchildren. My children will not be treated as I was/am.

I just don't understand why someone who's in their 60's can't just grow-up and start acting like an adult.

I'll let you know how the "talk" with my mom goes today.

 

[Mom4a_and_c]

Good Luck with your talk

I hope all goes well when you speak to your parents. It is not fair to you or your fiance that you are treated that way.

It is important that you do think about your future children. As soon as you find out your are expecting, you will find thatyou are so overprotective of your child. I agree that you need to keep an eye on how they would be treated also.

Marie from PA

 

[Rachel L]

stepfamilies

I know a lot of other people have already posted, but I wanted to respond to your message because I am a stepchild(24) and I know exactly how you feel.

My dad and stepmom have been married since I was 12, but I never lived with them. Because of not living with them and stepmom showing a lot of favortism to her daughter(my stepsis) I always felt like I didn't belong. SM and I are so much closer now, and I really love her but we really had to work through a lot of issues. This past weekend I spent Thanksgiving with her family, and SM and I talked about a lot of issues that had bothered us for years. It really helped to talk to her and get all those feelings out that both of us had buried for years. I think we really bonded a lot this past weekend.

Anyway, like I mentioned I spent Thanksgiving with SM's family this past weekend. Her family are so welcoming of me. Now I do always feel awkward around them cause of not growing up in that family and not being a "real" member of the family. At my stepgrandparents 50th wedding anniversary I was the one that thought I shouldn't be in the grandchildren picture because I wasn't a "real" grandchild. My dad had to come get me to come be in the picture.

But my stepgrandparents have been really good about never showing favortism, even though my SM showed favoritism. My stepgrandparents always gave me the same amount of money at Christmas as the other grandkids got, they had more pictures of me in their home than Dad and SM have, and they always ask me about what is going on in my life. I really like my stepmom's family. A lot of why I feel uncomfortable is my own doing. I'm the one thats uncomfortable calling them Nana and PaPa, but when thinking about it its really great that they want me call them that. That means they think of me as their grandchild. This weekend was the first time I've ever called them Nana and PaPa. I've just been so uncomfortable by that, cause I already have biological grandparents. Its hard having 3 families and having time to visit them all the time, so I don't get to see SM's family that often. However, I have no doubt that when the time comes for me to get married that they would come to my wedding and I would definitely want them there. They've been so welcoming of me. I was nervous about spending Thanksgiving with them, but after awhile I started getting comfortable around them.

My own grandmother is also very fair when it comes to my stepsister. She's always given my stepsis the same amount at Christmas and has included her in family pictures. There are 7 grandchildren on my dad's side. When my grandfather passed away in the death notice in the newspaper we listed ALL 8 grandchildren by name, the 8th being my stepsister. So I thought that was very nice of my grandmother.

I am so sorry about what your stepgrandmother has done to you. Obviously she's showing favortism and thats not right. I would not invite her to your wedding. Just know though that not all stepgrandparents are like that. I think my grandparents and stepgrandparents have done a good job in including their stepgrandkids into the family.

 

[AD]

Update

Hi Everyone,

Well, I went shopping with my mom today, and we talked about what happened last night. Boy, was my mom fuming! She did notice that step-grandmother barely talked to me all night (actually she didn't at all), but my mom didn't see that she ignored me and turned her back to me when she came in and greeted everyone.

I told my mom as we were driving to the mall, and she said she was going to call step-grandmother right then and there. I told her to at least wait until we arrived at the mall. So, we got to the mall and my mom called her right away. She told her that she (my mom) noticed that step-grandmother didn't say hello to me and turned her back at me. My mom really didn't see it but said she did. Anyways, she told step-grandmother, "When you are in my house, you greet Alicia and treat her with respect." Step-grandmother tried to say that she said hello but that I ignored her! My mom told her that no she didn't say anything but ignored me instead. My mom told her that I've been uncomfortable around her for years because she always treats me differently than everyone else. My mom said this because step-grandmother told her that I never talk to her either. Well, when you're 8 years old, are you going to talk to someone who treats you like crap? No way!

Anyway, I felt much better after my mom said something. I'm glad she stuck up for me. She felt bad that she never stuck up for me before, but said that she'd older now and not afraid of her!

I've told my mom that (out of obligation) I will invite her to my wedding, but we agreed she may not come. Especially after what happened last night. I'm hoping she doesn't come. She may come though so she doesn't "look bad" in front of everyone else.

Thanks again for your support. This is a great place to vent

 

[Steps]

And if she does come..

I think I would be tempted to give her a little dose of her own medicine. When everyone is getting pictures with the bride, I'd leave her out - or at least wait until very late in the day (depending on her behavior that day) to have her in any pictures. Not to be immature and do payback, but as you said, you will have kids in your life some day and it would be nice if she would change her ways before then. Perhaps being on the receiving end of that kind of treatment would open her eyes. Unless she is horrid that day, though, at some point later in the reception, I would make it a point to pull the photographer over and give her a big hug and have him snap a pic. Some people feel love, but are so afraid of rejection, they hold it in. Maybe if she sees and feels it, she will open up too. My kids have a step mom and they have been treated like this a lot. In fact, their step mom convinced their dad to "redo" their bedrooms the day they graduated from highschool. Their beds and belongings were moved out to the garage so they could "work" on the rooms, and guess what - they're still there and both have now graduated from college. She recently told my son they are waiting to move into their new house after he graduates so they don't have to do a bedroom for him. He blew up at his dad the other night and flat out told him, you let her push my sisters out of this house and now she's doing it to me so she can have her perfect little family with you two and her daughter!! I'm curious to see what dad will do now