favortism

[lm]

I know I am grown up and I shouldn't let favortism bother me as much as it does, but it still gets to me. My dad treats my sister and I the same and loves us both equally, however my mom has always openly favored my sister. She has done so much for my sister, things she would never do for me. I am 36 and my sister is 33, and my mom is still giving my sister money. Mom always was telling my sister how beautiful and smart she was. I can't remember Mom ever complimenting me that way.

My mom has favored my sister since we were kids. My sister has always been financially dependent on my mom, whereas my mom has told me that I don't need her assistance like my sister does. If I do something well, my mom will say "thats nice" but if my sister does something well the whole world needs to stop and pay attention to her. My sister is a divorced mom of 2 kids and my mom pays for so much for my sister and her girls. Mom even pays for her granddaughters to go to private school cause they have a "hard life" since my sister is divorced. I would love to be able to afford private school for my kids, but nobody is just handing me the $$ for them to go like my mom is doing for my sister's kids. Mom goes to her granddaughter's school events, but rarely will come to my kids school events.

This past Christmas Mom gave some extra money to my nieces and of course my nieces told my kids about it. Now my son and daughter want to know what they did to make Grandma not like them. Now my dad is pretty fair and he doesn't like what Mom does, but he won't tell her to stop either. Mom's excuse for the favortism is that my sister and her kids need more attention and affection since they have a hard life cause of the divorce. Mom says I will always be fine so she doesn't need to do for me.

Mom says she doesn't need to do for me, but whenever Mom needs something she never calls her favorite daughter. She calls me and expects me to drop everything to help her after the way she treats me and my children, and then she gets mad when I don't help her. I tell her to call my sister since she's obviously so much closer to her and prefers her.

Mom says she pays more attention to my sister and her kids cause of the divorce. But I know thats not true cause this started when I was growing up. When I tell Mom that she says that is just my imagination. I know my mom favored my sister when we were growing up, and I hate it that she excuses the favortism on the divorce, which isn't when it started.

Because of the way my mom favors my sister over me, I have been so careful to not favor either of my children. I try my very best to treat them the same and to show them both that I love them so much. I don't want my children to ever grow up resenting me like I resent my mom. And I resent my dad too for not doing anything about the situation years ago. Whats sad is that I have come to really dislike my sister and my nieces because of this situation. I know its not their fault, but still I do resent them for being the favorites.

 

[Rubyslippers]

Well, I had a post typed out..

and it disappeared!

I know how you feel . It is very frustrating! I grew up with a very similar situation. What's divorce got to do with anything nowdays anyway? Millions of people are divorced and do just fine.

What it boils down to is: you will never convince your mother she is doing anything wrong. If you confront her about giving the other grandchildren more $ than yours, etc. she will simply teach them to lie and hide such things from you and your family.Your mother will not change.

I know that is not much comfort, but I am one of the unfavored children and spent years fighting it. I finally just gave up and decided it was just my lot in life.

 

[C.]

I feel for you

I, too, am in a similar situation. I'm the younger and have a "golden" older sister. My mom spoils me still however, she still thinks my sister can do no wrong. My dad definitely favors my sister and always will. I have learned to look at it as they would never see that I might actually be stronger, smarter, more capable, and more successful in many ways than my sister so the pressure is off. I can be me and be happy with me and so be it. They can like my sister better, hang out with her more, and put up with her abuse. More power to them.

 

[DLD2006]

Even after DEATH --- Favortism does not stop!

Same story..just a little different. Now that I am 68 years old and my sister died a few months ago, it was only 5 days after her death that my neices (sister's children) went to my Dad's home, cleaned, found bank accounts, and the next day...he wrote a new "Last Will and Testament" giving the neices $100,000 and what was left I could have (just like the hand me down clothes) and any amount below $100,000 it would be divided between the two. Then he gave me "life estate" in his home, and said that I would HAVE to come live with him, and after I die, the home would go to neices.

I have two boys, they were not mentioned in his WILL. My neices live in $800,000 homes and both have 2nd homes, have husbands, nice cars, compared to me, I drive a 15 year old car, live in an apartment, work 2 jobs, and without that 2nd income of a husband. My DAD owes me NOTHING, but it would be nice for his heart to speak and want a better live for me NOW or in the future! He is 96 years old! I had rather for him to give his money to a charity than to those two!

And, no matter how much I tell my Dad how much it hurts to be "disinherited"...he asks for me to forgive him, but does nothing about his actions. Favortism just eats into you, and it is so common for parents that it NEVER stops even when they have a chance to make the disfavored FAVORED...even after DEATH!!

The best for me and you is to think of the positive of being the better person, but it is so difficult that our own parents give a life to us of rejection...then lay the guilt trip on you in the end that any gifts given are always conditional.