Half-Siblings

[noname4this]

I guess this has to do with half-siblings and large age gaps between siblings. I'm a mom and a stepmom. My DH and I have a 4 year old son and he has a 18 year old daughter with his exwife. I really do like my stepdaughter, but it kind of makes me sad that she's not closer with her brother. Under the circumstances I do understand. She's a teenager, lives with her mom, and there's a really big age gap between my stepdaughter and son. I just wish they had more of a sibling relationship. SD does adore her brother when she's here, but since she doesn't live with us full-time(she's just here on weekends) they just aren't close. I look at the close relationships I've had with my brother and sister, and it makes me very sad that SD and my son won't have that.

DH and I have been thinking about having a second child. Our son is technically an "only child" just like SD is an only child in her mother's home. I would like our son to grow up living with a sibling, and I do desperately want a second child.

Maybe its normal for half-siblings not to as close. I don't blame SD, as she's very good to my son when she's around him. And SD does refer to him as her brother, not half-brother. But still I wish they could be closer. And its going to get worse next year when she goes away to college. SD is wanting to going out of state for college, so she'll have even less time for family.

 

[SunnyGals]

Be happy NOW

Okay- just be happy for what you already have. There are so many blended families that can't even be in the same room together. You have a TEENAGE step-daughter who accepts you and her brother! They may not be close but they love each other and will have positive memories to look back on. I think many blended families would love to have what you already have!!!

 

[CLHS]

I am technically an only child...my parents were both previously married . My dad had two sons, my mom 2 daughters and 1 son. My half-siblings are between 6-10 years older than I am and I am only close to one of them. I grew up with my mom's daughters, who I consider my sisters, but we are absolutely nothing alike and have nothing in common (and thus, no relationship). The 2 sons from my dad's first marriage are basically strangers to me (they only came around once in awhile throughout my life). The one son my mom has grew up with his father and I didn't get to really know him until I was in college. I have TONS in common with him, and you would think we have been best friends since the beginning of time (he is 6 years older than I am).

I think it's normal for any siblings (half or "whole") to be distant depending on the situation (especially if they aren't around each other much) - my husband and his sister are two years apart, have the same mom and dad, and despise one another! There isn't much you can do about it. I have very close relationships with my friends and always have. Sometimes when I see siblings who are extremely close I wonder what it would have been like, but then I think back to the wonderful childhood my parents provided me with! I wouldn't be sad for the relationships your son won't have, but be happy for everything that he does and will have!

 

[myhobby]

half-siblings

I think it just depends on the family and the dynamics within the family. My DD and SS are 9 years apart. He has 2 half-siblings with his mother's new husband. They are 10 and 11 years younger than him. SS is very close to my DD - not as close with his other half-siblings. I could guess and say maybe it's because DD and SS are kind of "only children" and the other two are full siblings?

18 and 4 is quite a spread. She may feel more like an "aunt." I'm sure the relationship will grow.

 

[lilybeth]

I am biologically an only child as well, and there have been times I've really hated it. I always did wish my mom and dad had had another child. I have a stepsister, but she grew up with my dad and stepmom. My mom has no other children. However even if my stepsister and I had grown up together I don't think we would have bonded. She's 2 years older than I am, but our personalities are just very different. I like her and she can be nice at times, but we're just so different. She doesn't socialize or attend family gatherings, even on my stepmom's side. She finds children annoying, so we don't have much in common. Its always been hard to get to know her since she hates being around family so much. I view my stepsister as more of like a cousin, than a sibling. She's not interested in a relationship with me, and I can't force it. But at least we don't hate each other. I think we're pretty neutral about the other.

Your stepdaughter and son do have a large age gap. They get along, and thats great. My stepmom is one of 5 kids, her being the oldest. Her baby brother who she loves is 15 years younger than she is. Stepmom moved out when her brother was 3. Anyway, Stepmom always refers to her "baby brother"(who's now 40) as her "first child". She has more of a maternal feeling towards her brother, than a sister feeling. But they seem to have a wonderful relationship despite the difference in age and not growing up together.

Siblings not getting along happens even in nuclear families. My mom and aunt are 3 years apart, had the same mother and father and never got along with each other. They get along now, but it wasn't til after my grandparents died did Mom and my aunt start to like one another.

 

[alsoanon]

I have a sister who's 5 years older than I am. We get along pretty well. I do think age gaps have a lot to do with things. My aunt has been married twice. She had 2 kids with her first exhusband, and one child with her 2nd exhusband. I also think since the older 2 are full siblings and closer in age, they are closer. My younger cousin is 19 and her older brother and sister are 37 and 40. So she doesn't have a whole lot in common with her older siblings. Both her older siblings are married with kids of their own, while my little cousin just started college. I remember my older cousins talking about sibling relationships and saying how my little cousin is like an only child.