Hate being single

[single]

I know this has been posted about many times. However, I'm about to turn 27(in January) and still single. I haven't dated in 7 years. Not for lack of trying, but I just can't find a guy that I'm attracted to or have much in common with. I've tried church groups with no luck. I find it depressing that I haven't dated in so long. I also don't have any close friends to go out with, and feel very alone. Holidays really start making me think about that. I do have family(parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins) but am an only child. I hate feeling so alone.
All I've ever wanted to do is get married and have children. I would give up my teaching career in a second to be a wife and mother. I'm afraid that I'll never be a wife and mother, which is what I want to be more than anything. I'm scared that since I haven't dated in 7 years, it could be another 7 years or so before I ever meet a guy I'm attracted to.
Like I've said I've tried church groups with no luck. Some nice people in them. But usually what I've found is that I don't have much in common with they young adult groups in my area. I live near a very wealthy area(which is where I grew up) and many young adults at the area churches are doctors, lawyers, engineers, and I just don't find much in common with them.

 

[tammynj]

As a fellow single, I'm sorry to hear you are unhappy. My circumstance is a little different, in that I am a single mom, so I do have my son (most important person in the world to me) and my dog, of course! I am generally okay with being single; I don't see how I would fit a man into my life at this point. (Maybe in a few years, when my son is in college?!?)

I know the holidays can be rough for someone one their own. I think you should spend most of that time w/ your family, if you can, so you don't get depressed. I would also suggest trying to find a few women to become better friends with; friends are very important.

As far as meeting guys, I know it can be hard. If you live near an urban center, you'd probably meet a broader range of men there. When you say there are no guys you are attracted to, do you mean that you wouldn't go out with a guy you didn't feel an initial attraction to? I just think that sometimes "like" grows, and maybe you should give a guy a chance, even if you don't feel a *spark* right from the beginning. There is also online dating, which is something I would probably never be brave enough to try, but have actually heard some good things about. (My SIL met her husband, a great guy, online; she's very pretty, successfull, smart, lives in NYC. She might never have met her husband if she hadn't found him online!)

Good luck w/ everything. Stay in touch w/ your PT friends over the holidays, esp. if you feel down.

 

[CatBells]

Being Single

Your message really touched my heart. I don't know what to tell you... I married at 26 and had two kids while putting hubby through college. Once he got his education, he left. I've been single again for 17 years.

I understand your pain at feeling alone during the holidays. I would say that these days are the most painful for me as well, and I'm pretty much adjusted to being single. It's just that I build a pretty good support network of work, church activities, and clubs that sustain me through the rest of the year. However, during the holidays that network dries up - school's out and the groups don't meet at the time when I most need them!

I have a couple of suggestions for you to get through the holidays. First, volunteer at a hospital or homeless shelter. Giving something of yourself helps you focus less on "poor me." You won't have to look far to find someone who is worse off than you are. Spend extra time with your parents and grandparents. Perhaps you could volunteer to do some household tasks that have become difficult for them. At any rate, you won't have them forever and by spending time with them, you will focus less on yourself.

Second, treat yourself to a nice gift. I used to hate having to hear my girlfriends exclaim over the gifts their husbands and in-laws had given them. I was getting almost no gifts as my mother really doesn't remember the holidays much anymore. My kids would always give me something, but they couldn't do all that much. (My DD has gotten much better lately!) So I learned to get something for me. Last year I really wanted to learn to knit socks, so I ordered all the yarn, needles, and books that I needed as a gift to me. I spent a lot of my time over the holidays working on those socks.

Third, just take a deep breath and learn to love yourself. Why do you think you don't have much in common with other young people who are well-educated? You are well-educated, too. You have simply chosen to spend you life in service to others. That doesn't mean you can't associate with doctors, lawyers, and engineers. Don't focus so much on your occupation or theirs. Read the current best sellers and be ready to talk about them. Stay up with current events. Go to museums, plays, and other events in your area. That way you'll have plenty to discuss when you are with other people. Hang in there with the groups. You never know when someone new may join, and he might be just who you are looking for.

You don't have to give up your dreams. My sister didn't get married until she was 38. She wasn't able to conceive and ended up adopting two adorable children from the Ukraine. She has always been a happy person and is very blessed now.

I taught with a woman who didn't get married until she was 50. That wedding was one of the happiest I ever attended. She gained two step children in the process.

I guess I connected to that desperation in your message. I too only ever wanted to be a wife and mother. I married as much because I felt like it might be my last chance. I ended up with two great kids, but also have had to deal with a lot of heartache. I love the fact that I have taught for 31 years. I still love my job and now that my kids are grown, I have lots of time to dedicate to it.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and can enjoy all the blessings you do have in your life.

 

[linny22]

single

I am single as well. I don't know about you, but I know why I am probably single. I think my biggest problem is that I have really high standards when it comes to men. I'm not saying this is your problem too, but there are ways to overcome whatever your problem is with finding a boyfriend. Good luck!

 

[read2learn]

single,
i'm single also, i've gotten down about it as well because I would love to get married. I think one reason i haven't found anyone is #1 I work too much, #2 I'm not that confident in myself and #3 I have really high standards I feel for you..keep your head up!!!

 

[single]

I think I do have pretty high standards when it comes to a boyfriend/husband. I've met a lot of guys(at church) who when I tell them I'm a teacher their response is that they could never do that because they don't like kids much. When I taught Vacation Bible School one year I remember one guy asking me why I would do that(as if there was something wrong with it). So I'm immediately turned off as I view them as someone who could never be a really involved dad. I don't if I should give those guys a chance or not, but when I hear people say that they don't like kids and some people have said that they HATE children, I know we're not going to have a whole lot in common.

I think a lot of the problem is that I don't have time for much of a life. I work full-time as a teachers aide while going to college full-time(4 classes) to finally get my Bachelors degree. I will be starting my methods classes next fall and will be even more busy then. I feel all I do is study, go to college, and work. By the time I finish college and have time to devote more to dating, I will be close to 29.

 

[tcheer]

a few ideas..

Get a dog.. sometimes you can run into people at dog parks, walks, etc.. AND they are a LOT of company

try something new.. sounds like you are a creature of habit... visit museums, bowling, plays, etc

FIND a group of singles and couples to hang with.. when I was single we had a group of 5 that went out every weekend.. 3 singles and a couple.. its FUN and safe..to have men in the group..

JUST try something NEW!!

 

[chteacher]

if it isn't working...

only you can change it...

1.. do that volunteer stuff, especially over the holiday break.

2. maybe you already have a dog, but take it new places.

3. don't be ashamed that you are lonely, tell people, network

4. do stuff that is hard to do, like go to a restaurant alone, to a bar for one drink, etc. you never know what may happen when you are alone. My present love only asked me to dance because my friends had all moved off and I was sitting alone. Think of that.

5. Take chances, put out a personals ad, etc. just meet at public places.

6. Don't expect to hear bells or fireworks upon meeting, like does grow into love and if you don't bother to take time to get to know someone how do you really know that they aren't good enough for you?

7. choose your life. realize you are young, you are.

8. take action.

 

[bonnybelle]

Keep an open heart and mind

I'd like you to know that you can be married and still feel lonely. Being married is not the answer to all questions. I wonder if you ever have considered that you may have met the person you will fall in love with and just don't know that they are the one for you.

Be open to the possibilty that someone from your past is a potential mate. Be brave to take chances with people. You can enjoy your freedom as you live your days as a independent woman and put yourself first. I like the idea of treating yourself to a nice gift on occasion.

Why all this chatter, well my sister was recently engaged to someone she dated when she was in her twenties. That was 30 yeras ago.
Life is full of suprises.
Keep your tennis shoes on and your dancing shoes near by!

 

[newbieteach]

I know how you feel. I am 26 and I was single from around 20-25. I was busy with school, work, and my sorority and really didn't have time for guys. I also had a hard time finding anyone worth trying to be in a relationship with. All the guys I met didn't want any kind of relationship and all they wanted was to have fun. I was so scared to graduate college without meeting someone because everyone told me that your chances of meeting someone out of college were so slim. Well I moved away and got a job teaching in a new town. I met a guy at work (technology guy for the county) and started dating him. Figured we would go out on a couple of dates and be done. Well a year later we are planning our wedding for June. It really is true that you will meet someone when you are not looking. I wasn't looking and he just was there. The funny thing was that he was from Ohio and went to school in Kentucky, where I went to college. We both ended up in Virginia. Crazy things happen! Good luck!