Have never gotten over jealousy...long

[SueAnn]

Ok.I have been married for 14 years. My Dh and I met in college. We are very happy and have 2 wonderful children. We rarely argue. When we met, he had just broken up with a girlfriend of 6 months, I realize not long. We dated for the next 6 months. The next year, she followed him to college. When she discovered that she wasn't getting him back, she transfered to another school. That was the last I heard from her. Yesterday, on my husbands b-day, I opened a email to him. It was from her, sending her "annual b-day" greeting. It was an update letter, signed Love, It freaked me out. I have no idea why I am so jealous, but just knowing they have corresponded and I didn't know bothers me. Am I wrong. I know our marriage is strong and that it means nothing to him...but why do I hold on to this insecurity.

 

[AD]

I'm wondering...

Do they correspond every year? Just once a year? I think you have a right to be upset about that. If my husband/boyfriend/fiance were keeping in touch (even if it's not very often) with an ex and not telling me, I would be upset too. He probably thinks it's not a big deal to get the odd e-mail from her once in awhile, and maybe he didn't want you to read into it and be upset. Well, I don't care! He should've told you anyway.

My fiance was married before...they had a child together. I've accepted the child, but I have a really difficult time with the mother. I also feel insecure and jealous at times. I know I shouldn't because he's with me, and he has no desire to have any contact with her aside from discussing the child, but it still gets to me sometimes. I think it bothers me more when she goes on and on about how she loved him and they could've worked things out and been happy together. I'm just hoping she finds someone else and stops pestering him (besides any contact regarding the child). It's not easy to deal with exes...

Anyway, your husband needs to know that it bothers you. It doesn't matter if it means nothing to him. The point is it means something to you. He loves you and is married to you, so he needs to understand your point.

 

[Giggles]

I was going to say

It may even be that he is not corresponding with her, but she's in touch with him. Maybe she just can't get over it......I'm guilty in my past, not now, of course, but been there and done that. Never was ablet o move on until I stopped doing that, though. And boy, it felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders when I finally got over my ex.

 

[teacher35]

ohh I would be mad!

Not so mad that they are corresponding, but angry that he did not tell you about the annual birthday greeting. Makes me wonder why he did not tell you.

 

[SueAnn]

Thanks for your support.

Thanks for you supportive words. I talked to him about it. He said he hadn't told me because he never responded to the emails and knew it would upset me if I knew she had contacted him. He said he would contact her and tell her to stop correspondance. I told him I would rather he continue not responding at all??? I guess even though it is not a major betrayal by any stretch of the imagination, it does make you wonder, what else do i not know. I trust him completely and don't really believe there is anything else, but I have always been an insecure person. How do I get over this and believe in my heart that I am worthy of him? I think the fact that she is 36 and never married and still remembering his b-day and corresponding is strange. I don't remember the b-days of any of my high school or early college dates. They only dated for 6 months. See, I just can't let it go. ugh..........

 

[Newbie]

exes

I agree that he should have told you about the correspondence. However, I can see his side. I have an old guy friend from high school (I'm 25 now), and he emailed me once. I never told my husband because my husband knows him and doesn't like him, and I knew it would irritate him (this guy used to have a crush on me, so my husband thinks). Nothing else ever happened, and I don't have anything else to hide; I just thought it would be pointless to bring it up.

 

[Tuffypaint]

E-mail her

Just an idea: e-mail her and tell her you appreciate the birthday message for your husband. I'll bet she doesn't send him anymore, unless she's really dumb, desparate, or both!

 

[crazywife]

loco

I hadn't been married to my hubby too long, when I started hearing about an old girlfriend from his friends. Susie asked about you today. Susie is working at so and so now. One day, he ran into her and she invited him to a Halloween party. He came home and told me and I said yep, we're going. I went and put on a show. I was sweet as sugah to that girl. We stayed late and had a blast, but she and I were hardly ever in the same room. I chatted with some of her girlfriends, so I knew she still had a thing for my hubby. I told them I was surprised that she invited us and they told me that she just wanted to see him again. She was the one who had broken up with him, and we met not too long after that. I told them I just felt terribly for her.

My hubby's friend stayed after we left because he liked her, but he said all she did was cry about my husband. I think she must have been on the rebound. You ever call up ex boyfriends when you have broken up with the latest? My hubby decided after that he should probably not have contact with her because he thought it was cruel. (We did run into her many years later and she had married and had a kid by then.)