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I feel beaten


please help

Please help me.... I am signing out due to the fact that this is so hard on me... and I think that people from my district come on....

I am a parapro at a new school.

I feel that nobody likes me - the staff actually avoids me - no eye contact and only speaks to me when I directly ask a question. This actually just started. I have tried to "reach out" to others.

I had a meeting with my teacher and principal: The things they said were:

* If I cannot be a team player then I should find a new school.
* They know that I had problems before....
* I need to use the bathroom in the room that has been desinated as a boys bathroom - yes, I am a female. The teacher uses it in the morning before kiddos come in.
* It was mentioned that they (teacher and principal) have talked about me... but this is the first time I was included.
* After being in classroom all day - almost 7 hours - I was given one thing that I do well and that is to put a behavior plan in a folder.
* That since I asked for an earlier evaluation (it's done in May) then I need to use this feedback as my evaluation and fix things immediately.
* When talking to them: I need to get right to the point they do not have time for me to give information. Should I mention, that during the day I hardly talk to them.... and yet, I see them talk to other people and it appears they are having nice conversations.
* The teacher said that I act like the teacher.

This is how I see myself during the day:
* I greet a friendly hi, good morning with a smile.
* I am NOT allowed to put anything in the room but my drink (AND I think that is only because I put it way out of the way) My coat needs to go in the tiny resource room with 10 other people's belongings.
* I do the things they ask me to do. I ask questions for example when I was switched responsibilities I asked what it looked like to the teacher. (She wanted me to circulate the classroom while she was teaching to help students who needed help as well as classroom management) I was told I make excuses for not knowing....
* I was told to let the teacher know where I go in case something happens to "my student".... when I go to the bathroom I tell her, when I needed to email my son's teacher I told her that I would be right back (student was engaged - at snack/dear time) I get a 15 min. break that I do not take (I go to bathroom and come right back maybe 5 minutes)
* I do things as needed for my student....

I Do not: stand up in front of the class and teach. I walk the room....
I do not grade papers..... unless if its the spelling test and that is seldom.

Do these people not want me there? I do not understand what I did.

I do not understand why she feels that I act like the teacher...
or how I am not being a team player. I do have a teaching creditional.

I feel emotionally drained. I feel beaten and uneasy. I came home feeling worthless, ashamed, and like a failure. These are teachers for gosh sakes - I think they enjoyed making me feel this way. They smirked while they said these things.

What would you do?

Para who needs help.


Senior Member
I can't even imagine ever treating my assistant in the way you are being treated!! Sure, we don't always agree on everything but we are friendly and professional and I consider her an asset to our classroom. If I were in your situation I think I would sit down with those 2 and voice your concerns. Be calm and professional about it, but assertive. There is no reason to treat someone this way.
If that doesn't work, I would suggest finding another school if you can!!


sorry for you!

i signed out too, but not because i care what people think of me...if you're a regular user, you know who i am...

but i signed out because i have a frequent visitor to me room that *might* come here and wouldn't want to hurt feelings.

WTH???? i don't get what is wrong with your peformance?! either they are total a-holes or you aren't seeing what you're doing and aren't sharing the whole story with us.

i'm guessing you don't belong to a union, so that's out (unless you do, in which case--talk to a rep, sistah!)

these are my questions/comments/ideas for you:
*why would they say that you aren't a team player? what have you done or not done to make them say/think this?
*WHAT problems have you had in the past?
*i don't get the bathroom thing--are you bothered because you have to use that bathroom or are they annoyed that you need to use it? no one can tell you where you must use the bathroom! (but if the other teacher you work with also uses it, what's the deal?) explain that more.
*honestly, LOADS of people have discussed issues they have with peers lots of times! (consider yourself lucky that you're actually being talked TO rather than just about!) i THINK you're lucky.....some of the story seems to be missing....
*so, you're saying that they only gave you one job to do--file one paper? (but it sounds like you are also responsible for one child--obviously one with some issues!) you've gotta be God to get a one-on-one aide for a kid in my district (or the kid needs to be Satan, i guess...) if you have time and wnat to, mention to them that you would like more responsibilities. but do be honest about your abilities--if you need to be trained in Excel, say so.
*i think it's great that you asked for an early evaluation--it shows that you DO want to learn and improve.
*okay....now we're to the reason i signed out....they said you need to get to the point. are you one of those people who need to give unending background information before telling the important thing or asking the main question? (like--this morning, as the buses were pulling out, i heard this noise that sounded like a bird, when i turned around i saw a girl in a red coat running for the door, i saw fred with his fists clenched, but he wasn't looking at the girl and then i....etc. instead of just saying--susie hit fred this morning.) i have a frequent visitor to my room that goes ON and ON and ON about things--AND gets right in my face (personal space!) while talking--other people have mentioned how weird this is, including the principal! this visitor also is quite childish and shares information that i really don't care to hear/need to know, and she doesn't take social cues--like if i'm typing an email, or very obviously rushing around to get ready for a lesson. i know this is personality here, but it's annoying! what traits do you have in regards to socializing? (maybe you could ask some close friends for suggestions, ask them to be specific and truthful. mine would say that i don't listen well, curse too much, and am too critical of others--i think)
*(besides possibly being annoying--see above), the only real issue that could possiby be the problem with you is that you think you are the teacher--do you boss the teacher around; do you give consequences to the kids? do you try to run and help students before the teacher can get to them? (i'm guessing that your answer is no--you would probably know if you did this and it sounds like you're pretty meek, actually.) oh, my friends might say i'm bossy too. perhaps the teacher is just a little insecure and is intimidated by you....but that can't be all it because they've said a lot of "incriminating" things here....
*what grade do you teach?
*what kind of things do you "not know"? i mean, if you are in charge of helping a kid do his math and he's working on adding fractions, hey, you would need to be taught how to do that. but if it's stuff like complete sentences or skip-counting....yeah, you should be able to do that.
*if i were you, i WOULD take that 15 minute break! and i would document every time exactly when i left and when i returned.
*i would DOCUMENT everything i did, just to cover my butt! because it sounds like someone's out to get you! (or they have reason to not be satisfied with your performance--sorry to sound skeptical, but there is just so much weird about all the things they said and the way you are treated!) anyway, maybe you DO want out of that school, for heaven's sake! (although, you DO want a good evaluation or you won't get hired by another school!)
*did they give you a specific list of things that you should and shouldn't do? what you are in "trouble" for? if not, ask for one (dear god, hope it's not a long list!) sit down with ONE OR THE OTHER--do not let them gang up on you again--smirking fools! be honest, say: "I'm really confused. I try hard to do my job, but you seem to not be satisfied. In what areas do I need improvement? What should my daily responsibilities look like? I want to be a positive influence at this school. The students and staff here are important to me. I am dedicated to personal growth." make sure to get specifics.

*i'm so sorry you are being treated this way (even if they have some reasons to be dissatisfied with your performance); it is juvenile and unprofessional. be the bigger boy and conduct yourself with honor. (don't let them see that they've broken you.)

*weird, too, that the staff avoids you---are you sure you're not just "projecting" this and imagining it?

i really don't know what to say (she said after writing about 3 pages!) it's just all very odd. what have you not shared?

please get back with us about what happens--i hope it turns out positive for you--you will be in my thoughts! good luck!

(i wanted to say PM me if you want to talk, but that's pretty much out of the question since i signed out--duh.) well, know that we care about you and hope it all works out, whatever that might entail.

please help

thanks for the responses....

Let's see I will try and go over some of the questions:

Para's = no union

Bathroom - I use the walk down to the staff bathroom and back as a break - it takes me maybe 5 minutes total to do this and use it...
I have seen a boy's bathroom and it isn't actually pretty.... and the classroom one is a boy's.
I usually need to use the bathroom in morning and maybe one in afternoon - I am drinking more water for health reasons.

Whole story: you are hearing my side - I don't think that I am leaving anything out....

Getting to the point: No, I don't have to give irrevelant info to get to the point... but I may explain ... I will see if I can come up with an example. This comment came as a shock since I hardly talk to them...

Team player/ acting like teacher:
I do not boss the teacher around. I don't offer advice on how to run her show.

I have told her intern (when teacher is not there) that she misspelled a word on the bb - - conferences are this week and I said it last week.
* And that she turned the greater than and less than sign around
(12> 4 + __) She said that an answer could be: 15....

I do not give consquences to the kids.... I help monitor more.... I was "switched to help a different ASD child - the first changed schools
So when going to the 2nd person, he is in the room more, so I was told to monitor and help as needed. I remind kids to listen to the speaker, to get to work, and help with understanding. If I see a group of people not understanding a particular problem I let the intern teacher know... ALthough I do help the students find the answer (math)

I do not think any of these things equate to me acting like the teacher.

I also do not know how I am not a team player. I don't understand why they said this.... It is hard for me to be a team player though when they do not give me time to talk with them.... I always wait to get the attention of the teacher before barging in to discuss something. For example, when she is emailing or on computer, I wait till she looks up and acknowledges me before talking. I do not sigh, make a noise I politely stand there.

My job has shifted from the beginning of the year. Currently, I am to help an ASD(Autistim) student in the regular ed class. I need to give him prompts when needed, help him with understanding concepts he doesn't get, etc.

The "do not know" - was when I was switched from one student to the other - I didn't know that she wanted me to walk the room while she was teaching. .... she didn't say that initially - I sat down at the table while she was teaching and then got up and walked the room.

I don't know, Today, they seemed nice to me..... I admit I was on edge and was waiting for the shoe to drop. They like to twist things on me...

I know that when I spoke to the RR teacher a couple of weeks into the school year I mentioned that para'ing isn't teaching and that is what I would like to do - so now, it needs to come back and "bite me".

I don't know what to do. I never had these kind of problems before. I have subbed for years and had many requests.

I feel that I get along with people for the most part- I help where and when I can.

I told a teacher friend everything that happened at the meeting - and she said that she thinks they want me out. (they had written things down that I described)

Thanks again for your responses.
I am thinking of going back to subbing. I was busy everyday - I just had more driving to do as I was all over.


Senior Member

this is happening to you. From what you are describing it sounds like what you are doing is fine. Regarding your evaluation, unless they gave you specifics to work on you'll have to speak with the individual who is your boss and ask for details. I wouldn't worry about the team player and other comments. You are there to service that student who needs you. Go in, do your job and that's it. This sounds like a small staff or else I can't see the team player comment coming being relevant. If you want to volunteer for after school activities/committees fine but you are not required to like teachers are. I like the comments from the previous poster about how to discuss this with them. Ask for specifics and if they can't really give you any then just keep servicing that student and transfer if need be at the end of the year. Perhaps they wanted someone else as a para and are trying to have you leave. In that case, it wouldn't be anything against you personally it could be they wanted their "friend" or whomever.

Good luck, and remember if you are truly helping that ASD student then focus on him daily and make his days the best they can be. His life is hard enough.

Paul S.

Full Member

That's it. There is nothing to do. If you feel the way you do, you probably have good reason. Tell them that you want to be a team player but that you don't feel included. Tell them that this just might not be the team for you and that you want to be traded to get a fresh start. Say that you want to serve and make a difference and that you would like a clean start to do so.

It is not worth trying to change someone else's opinion.