I need sympathy

[Newbie]

I think I'm just kind of down in the dumps today. Maybe it's the cold, gloomy weather, but I need to get it out.

This summer I moved to a new city where I don't know a soul. I have met people at work, but all of them, except one, are about twice my age (I'm in my 20's). There's nothing wrong with that, but they aren't people I would consider "friends." I work a lot, so I spend most of my day with these people, but I have yet to make friends here. At first it didn't bother me because I was busy with our new house, but now I'm realizing that I spend my days alone, if I'm not at work or with my husband.

I know what everyone's going to say...Go to church, volunteer, take a class. I've looked into all of that, but I'm very shy. I went to church, but nothing came of that; the people weren't friendly at all. I'm too shy to go volunteer or take a class on my own. I've met my new neighbors, but they are weird (that's a whole different post), and we just didn't click.

There's one teacher at work who is the same age I am, and we get along well. We talk a lot, but it's always about work. Would it be weird if I asked her to do something fun?

Anyway, I guess I'm just feeling lonely because I've been by myself all day. I feel like my circle of friends is becoming smaller and smaller, since we've all moved away from home. Is that normal? I always met friends at school, but now that I don't have that, I don't know how to meet people.

 

[Mrs. G]

Go ahead....

and ask the teacher who is your age if she wants to go to the movies or shopping. She might be looking for someone to do things with as well. It takes a while to build friendships especially in a new city. I am sure with time everything is going to work out well for you. Keep your spirits up and do something nice for your self this week.

 

[Phyllis]

Keeping in Touch

Would it help any to keep in contact with previous friends by e-mail? Of course, it's not as satisfactory as having someone to do things with but it might help a little. Also, I would follow the previous advice and suggest an activity with the other young teacher. Be friendly with your other co-workers too: one of them might have kids just the age you would like to meet. Are they aware that you are lonely?
Good luck!

 

[Newbie]

Thanks for listening

Thanks to those who replied so far. I don't want to tell any of my long distance friends, my family, or coworkers about this because I don't want them to think I'm pathetic. I do keep in touch with my long distance friends, but you're right...That's just not the same. Although my coworkers are older than I am, their kids are almost all younger than I am, or they're guys.

 

[calumetteach]

Hey Newbie,

Don't count us older(?) folks off. I've had some really wonderful friends when I was 20 something, I'm in my 40s now and wish that some of the newbies would include me in some things. We live in a very rural area, and it's not my home state so I still struggle with being lonely. At any rate, older people take you under their wing, and they have contacts - could be their own kids who might click with you.

There's something comforting about having a friend who's been there, done that and can support you. I too have been very shy and have learned to ask about other people and their lives and then you sometimes have something in common!

 

[JTeacher]

Once you ask that teacher your whole expericne their may turn around for you as she should introduce you to her friends in the area whom might be around your age. Last year was my first year teaching hear and to be honest it was so hard beocouse i live in what we consider the boonies and i did not have a car at the time. This year i have a car but i still spend most days by myself. I manage by talking to close friends online. At first i would travel to my home state which is 5 hours away but i stoped doing that. But man i cant wait to thanksgiving break, just two more days.

 

[NightOwl]

Make new friends...

You made me think back to when I was right out of college, got a job teaching, and I knew nobody. I thought I would be an old maid. Well, I made friends with everybody, went out with the young and older, and then I met my husband,....through a friend of a friend. So you just never know. I'm in my 50's now. I still feel young, I like to laugh and have fun. My new old friends are still here after 30 years. It will get better, but you have to work at it. Be brave girl, and think of something fun to do with somebody new. How about breakfast and hit the early bird specials the Friday after Thanksgiving????

 

[Keeli0307]

I've been there...

I moved to a whole new city (a whole new state for that matter) when I graduated from college a few years ago. I was in your shoes. A few years ago I could have written your post. I know that it's hard to meet people. I'm also extremely shy. I did have a few younger teachers at my school. The problem was that one was married and another one didn't drive at night (I lived over an hour from the school I was teaching at). We still became friends and then another teacher that was our age came to our school. We became really good friends. I've also become friends with my teaching partners (they were all in their 40's). I went to church and that was kind of a bust in terms of meeting people. I also attended the alumni meetings for my sorority. Maybe that's an idea. If not a sorority maybe the college you went to. I know that it's hard, but you just have to put yourself out there. It was actually one of the best things that I did. It helped me to overcome some of my shyness and make some wonderful friends.
I recommend asking the younger teacher to go out. If she's from your area she may have some friends that she can introduce you to, or is she's not, she may be feeling the same way you are. Good luck!

 

[ogteacher]

new friends

Hi,

This is normal to moving, changing jobs, and changing life situations. So don't be afraid of seeming pathetic to family and old friends. Keep in contact, talk to them and share your feelings. Invite your new teacher friend to coffe and dessert, or a movie, or shopping. Get out and do something fun. Maybe this will develop into a good friendship - but even if it doesn't, it will get something started for you.

I agree with some of the other posters here; don't discount the older teachers for friendships. I'm in my 50's, love to have fun, and have good friends of all ages. You may find some great friendships with some of the older teachers.

Chris

 

[Alicia]

Newbie,
I don't have a lot of advice, but I'm worried about this too. I'm moving at the end of the school year to a different state (not sure which one yet) after I get married. I am SSOOO scared about leaving all my family and friends. I'm worried about meeting new people too. I can't wait to be married and spend everyday with my future husband (we are currently living far away from each other), but I also worry that after the newness of it wears off I'm going to be lonely for my girlfriends and family.

He says it'll work out fine and I will meet new people, but I've never lived away from home like he has/is. I'm not used to it. I enjoy the comforts of home, friends, family, and the places I go to and things I do without thinking twice about it. I don't know how to meet people either. Everyone I'm friends with is through high school or college, and we've been friends forever.

Anyway, I'm sure it's normal to feel that way. Although I currently live in the area I grew up in and around friends, everyone is so busy getting married, working, and having babies. The dynamics of friendships start to change when all of this is happening. There seems to be less time with friends.

Good luck. Sorry I couldn't offer much advice.

 

[abcdefg]

Making friends

Hi! I do understand where you are coming from. I am a quiet person but I do need friends and family around or I start to feel sad and isolated. Yes, it is easy to get stuck in the daily routine of work and home and then realize that friendships are never established due to being busy. I have found that it takes work to establish and maintain friendships and that at times I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of highs and lows in this area. Some things to keep in mind are: Do not let age determine whether you can be friends with someone. Some of my best friends are 10-15 years older and we have tons of fun together. Do not be scared to ask others to go see the latest movie or go on a shopping trip. The worst they can say is no and they will probably be flattered that you asked. Write a letter or call an old friend when you feel down, this will give you the confidence you need and old friends are always an important support system. I have a couple of friends I have not seen in years but a short phone call or letter keeps the relationship going. Keep your chin up and realize that many working people (especially teachers) do feel like you.

 

[Vol]

Serve others to serve yourself

I know that your shy but you've got to be brave and wade deep into humanity by voluteering, or taking classes, or going to the gym, or getting a part time job doing retail or something - anything to be surrounded by others. All the great teachers - Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Lau Tze - pick your favorite all taught that it is in the service of others we find true happiness. Start giving to others and you'll be rewarded with friends and good times. Good luck!