Katrina survivor dad

[Mindy]

My dad is a Katrina survivor. He lived in a small town near New Orleans and his home was completely destroyed. My dad came to Houston to stay with my husband and I and our 3 children until he could find a place to live. My dad does not want to go back to Louisiana, so he's decided to stay in Houston. Thats great cause Dad will be living in the same city as us. When he lived in Louisiana it was such a long car trip to go see him. However, he does not seem to want to move out of our house. My dad is in his 60's and is perfectly able to live on his own. He is not poor by any means and has the money to buy a condo or something. I'll ask him about moving out, and he just puts me off every time and says he'll start looking next week. But the weeks keep on going by and he hasn't even made a phone call about finding a condo to live in. I love my dad and I want my children to continue to love their grandfather. I grew up living with my grandparents and that caused a lot of tension. I did not have a good relationship with the grandparents I lived with but had an excellent one with the grandparents I didn't live with. I no longer speak to the grandparents I lived with. Of course the grandparents I lived with were not nice people at all. I want my kids to love their grandfather and I don't think that is possible if he continues to live us. My 15 year old son and my dad have started having arguments, and my son has been a lot more moody since my dad came to live with us. My dad will tell my son that he can't do something when my husband and I have no problem with it. We are the parents, not him. When my dad came to stay with us I told him it was temporary. He just won't leave. I don't want to be rude, but when I told him he could come stay it was not an invitation to come live with me and my family. I want to be able to raise my children without the interference of my dad. How can I politely get my dad to move out?

 

[SC]

I feel for you

My in-laws had to live with us right after Katrina because their home was destroyed. When we told them they should evacuate to our house, we had no idea how crazy things were going to get and that they would need a place to live for such a long period of time. They stayed with us for almost 2 weeks, which was WAY more than I could handle. I had always liked them until then...

Luckily they left, but I know it stinks to have your dad in your house for so long, especially if he's overstepping his bounds with your son. I think you need to be honest with your dad and explain that it's difficult for your family to have him stay for so long. Remind him that you love being with him and are glad he's moving to Houston, but encourage him to find his own place. Make it sound like you want it for him - he'll have more space, can come/go/do whatever he wants, etc.

 

[REB]

Katrina...ugh....

Girl, I feel your pain. I live in what we now call "katrina town". We have so many newcomers it's ridiculous.(I live between New Orleans and gulfport...50 miles each way. We had a brand new Home Depot that was scheduled to open in Sept, well, let me tell ya, Katrina has brought them very high sales, the parking lot is NEVER empty. We went from a town of 10,000, to a town of 30, 000 pretty much instantly after katrina, and still have a lot of those people living here. I guess my situation is slightly different, but nonetheless, it caused me to have a migraine pretty much all day long today, and it just went away about an hour and a half. (I had had it since 5:30 this morning, did I mention that?)

anyway...my husband lost his job, due to Katrina. He worked for a produce distributor, which although they were moving operations to our town, (since July), they still had 85% of their business that they were doing out of a warehouse out of East New Orleans, when Katrina hit. (my husband had been working there only 3 weeks, and was due to start salary pay the next week.) He decided about 4 weeks ago, that it wasn't "happening" for him here, so he decided to move 3 hrs away, and stay with his parents, while he looked for a job in Jackson,MS, and my daughter would go there as well, and stay with his mom, who graciously offered to keep her, since we could no longer afford to keep her in preschool. Well, the weekend before Thanksgiving, he found a job, that Friday, and it was a job that may turn into a permanent job, in Public relations, and it's intended for Katrina victims, who had lost their employment, due to the hurricane (very fitting for him). Well, his mom and him are starting to have arguments, and I told him while he was here for Thanksgiving that perhaps he has more-than-worn-out his welcome, and he should move into an apartment. Of course, he's using me as his excuse for why he can't do that, because I haven't located a job there yet, (I explained to him my job is still here...he knew this before he ever thought about moving.)

So, it all comes down to this, I have already warned him that it's pretty apparent that his parents feel as though he's no longer displaced, now they feel as though he's freeloading, and rightfully so, I mean, if I were their age, I wouldn't want my kids coming back to live with me full-time, and their kid. So, seeing what is happening, I decided to take action, and re-enroll my little girl in preschool...she starts Monday, and she'll be living with me again full-time, until I can locate a job in that area, and make the move. Was he happy about this? Nope. I think it is definitely going to take his parents actually telling him to get out, before he does so. If he couldn't afford to live there, he shouldn't have moved. (That's the point I tried to tell him before he ever went up there, but he refused to listen to me...but of course, hey...what do I know...I'm the reason he hasn't been able to get an apartment up there..lol.)

Although your dad CAN afford his own place, maybe he feels unsure about the area, or starting over again. Maybe he doesn't want a big commitment of a house, because he has already seen what happened with Katrina, so maybe an apartment would be better for him. I wonder if leaving the classified ads out in the mornings would help him see that you're trying to help him re-adjust to a new life there, and I would be pretty gentle in explaining it to him, so he doesn't get his feelings hurt.

I'm not sure exactly what I, myself, would have done, if I had lost my apartment, but I'll bet I wouldn't still be here. I probably won't be living here this time next year anyway, all because of stinking Katrina. My husband didn't want to live here anymore after Katrina, because he's tired of jumping in the car, and evacuating everytime a hurricane comes up in the Gulf, and I can't say I blame him about that, but in the same token, I guess it's all about, you gotta do, what you gotta do.

Good luck to you. I teach in Louisiana, by the way, and I'm actually from there, although I live in MS right now.

 

[hescollin]

go with dad

Look in the ads find some apartments and tell dad you thought you'd go with him to look at apartments in the morning or this afternoon.