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I can't please everyone all of the time, right? I am 24, and feel as though I have sacrificed many things for others. Part of me doesn't know how to feel about that, part of me ignores it, and the last part of me feels resentful. I have no one to blame but myself though, right? I've made lots of mistakes, only mistakes someone my age is niave (spelling???) enough to make, and I am sure I will make lots more, but I am learning from them.

I am so excited to get back in the classroom, although I've been doing nothing this summer and that has felt great! I've really been taking time to plan and organize too, so I am hoping this year goes well. I wish I had teacher-friends who lived near-by or whom I am close to...cause I feel that my family and friends do not understand my career at all...I think it's hard for anyone who's not in the profession to understand what we go through, and that makes it harder for me because then it's like I have no support system, but I know my friends and family try really hard to help.

I don't have many friends...I've lost touch with most of them after I went away to college and many of them became moms...either moms or hard-core party girls...I talk to some of them every so often, but I feel a disconnect. I had mostly guy friends, but after I met my fiance, I turned them loose b/c most of them were guys I had dated at some time in my teenage life.

I am an only child and grew up pretty lonely, but my mom became my best friend. She still is...I absolutly love her and feel very fortunate that we have an awesome relationship.

My father... that's a different story...he wasn't around, and he made alot of false promises to me when I was growing up...Now that I am successful and on my own, he tries harder and calls me now more than ever...I'm not disconnecting myself from him, but I don't make the effort because I feel like I don't care either way. I remember when I was 4 and he took me ant my neice to church, and told everyone that I was his granddaughter. And for the longest time, he was always trying to preach to me...blah blah blah, whatever.

I did have a father figure, however. For some reason though, as I got older, he went astray...I think it has alot to do with his own issues.

I am in a six-year relationship and am engaged...it's been a long engagement, and though he's ready to get married (we've been living together for a year), I am holding back...I don't want to get into that, because I've already been over it in my mind...I just want to make sure it's right...I know, I know, six years is a long time, but I don't like the idea of getting married just because we've been together so long...If it ain't broke, don't fix it...right??? We've been through alot...we were long distance for 4 years because I was away at college and he was in the marines(he even went to Iraq when the war first began)...I care for and love him deeply...He supported me financially when we were away, and I am supporting him now, while he's getting back on his feet. My family had a problem with this (still do, I guess), but he does his part too. I don't cook, he does, I work outside the home, he cleans and does laundry, so it balances itself out.

So, that's me. I love writing, though I don't do it as much. Highschool was when I was at my peak. I've written short stories, lots of poetry, and was even published in a youth newspaper. Teaching has my heart now. My first year was the worst, as it usually is for most. I had the kids and the supervisor from hell (sorry, but that's what it felt like)...no support, and bad management on my part (yes, I blame myself too...I can take responsibility for my actions also), but now I am going into year three, and I am prepared and ready. Regardless of how negative that first year experience was, I guess in some ways I needed it to help me grow and learn from it.

Consistency, model model model, follow through, organize, engage...this is what I am aiming for so hard this year. Be prepared for anything. I plan to make the most out of this year.

So, as I prepare during these last few weeks, I am reading trashy literature, watching trashy television, listening to trashy music (I always do these things when I am not working, but I like educational things too) and just lounging, doing nothing, because as I prepare to be teaching again, I am also preparing myself for my final courses at City College...I finished my Master's Thesis :) in May, so I have 2 semesters left, but they should be easy...this fall I will begin a practicum, and I will finish next May!!!

Anyway, let me get ready for another day of nothing...lol...my fiance says that I've been on the computer way too much this summer, and he's right, I have...That's because I found this forum...it's SOOOOO addictive...I keep checking for new posts every 30 minutes or so...but mostly everyone has started back by now, so there are not as many posts to read. I guess he's jealous that my computer is taking all his time, lol. I love my life, no matter how crazy it seems, and I'm just thankful to be alive and well.