mean posters on a different site

[anonymous]

I really like this site, and the posters here seem to be very respectful of others. I really like that. I posted on another site where people attacked my character and were just vicious. I know I shouldn't of let it bothered me, but I just ended up in tears. I know I'm supersensitive(i'm also pregnant so my emotions are going wild).

I posted on a stepfamily site. I am not a stepparent, but am a grown stepdaughter. Obviously I was not welcome on there by stepparents. I guess they thought the stepFAMILY site was only for stepPARENTS. Anyway I have been going through some difficulty with my stepmom. She favors my stepsister's children over mine, and there's a lot of favortism issues like my stepmom gave tons of Xmas presents to her biograndkids, and gave just little token presents to my kids. I really thought that stepmoms would be understanding and offer some good advice. I was told by them that I was a "spoiled brat" and that I "sound like a child" and that I "need to grow up", that I am "immature" that I "need to get over it" and other hurtful things.

I just wish people realized when posting that they do not know the person that they are responding to. They do not personally know this person and it is very hurtful when you attack someone's character. People do not really know anything about another poster. Posting boards are great for advice, but it is not the place to attack someone personally. I guess I'll know better than to post on that website again.

 

[Ms. K]

Oh, I am so sorry that this happened to you. The present thing happened to my children several years ago and I had to make the agonizing decision to never have my children around their step-cousins at gift giving times if the grandparents were going to be there.

I remember what it was like during my own childhood when my step-sisters would get so much and I only received a few things. It made me feel sick. I wasn't about to let my own children feel that way and that is exactly how I expressed it to my Dad and his wife.

People that have never been step-children have no idea how it feels. Unfortunately, parents didn't think about the children when they were getting divorced in the 70's. Now there are classes and support groups for blended familes but older step-parents usually just don't get it.

 

[anonymous]

steps

There always seems to be tons of sites for stepparents, but none for adult stepkids, or just anyone in a stepfamily. Lots of people in a family are affected when a stepfamily forms, not just stepparents. I wish people realized that stepparents are not the only ones that feel hurt or not accepted in a family. I know there can be awful stepkids who hate their stepparents, but there are also stepparents out there that never accept their stepkids. I looked around at different websites and there's not much out there besides sites for stepparents, which I'm not. I have a nuclear family(my husband and I and our kids), but since my dad is remarried I still have stepfamily problems especially around the holidays.

On that site I was just venting my frustrations about favortism. I guess those stepmoms saw that as a "child" issue and thought I was being "childish" cause my step nieces and nephews got more presents than my kids. Even when you are grown there can still be tons of issues in a stepfamily. I don't think venting my frustrations or being upset at my stepmom for giving more presents to her biograndkids than my kids makes me an immature person.

 

[anonymous]

websites

Actually there is one posting board I thought of that is helpful. motherinlawstories.com. People post there about their mother in law, stepmother, aunt, grandmother, or just any relative that gets on their nerves and I've never read people attacking eachother's character on there. I guess when you are a stepdaughter and go onto a stepfamily site where mostly stepparents post, they might see it as getting into "their" territory.

 

[Ms. K]

I absolutely hate it when they say "get over it" and "you're acting childish". Aren't we as teachers told all the time that the way we treat our students will affect them throughout their academic careers. Wouldn't it be equally, if not more so, true that the way our parents and parental figures treated us would affect us through out life?

I don't know about any other step-children out there, but my relationship with my SM didn't become bad when I became an adult. When I was a child she was completly disrespectful to me and was blatently rude and unfair. As I became older I stood up for myself and dished it out the way I was taught. And who taught me to act that way? SHE DID! But of course, it was always my "problem" and I was being "childish". Who was the adult that was supposed to be role modeling?

Well, in my adult life I do not associate with people that continuely treat me badly, and I will not take it from her even one more day. I especially won't subject my children to it.

 

[anonymous]

steps

What you said about standing up for yourself is exactly my situation. When I was growing up I took my SM's insults over and over, her badmouthing of my mother and tons of emotional abuse. I NEVER stood up for myself. I would just go back to my mom after my visits from my dad and tell her what happened. My mom really wasn't in a position to fight back cause my dad could be really vicious towards her. My mom hated to see me in so much pain because of my SM. My mom always taught me to be respectful of adults so I never talked back to my SM even when she would say things like "your stepsister is so much prettier than you" and tons of favortism comments. Its not something you can just "get over".

So when I became an adult boy did I start standing up to my SM. She would badmouth my mom, I'd fight back and tell her things my dad did to my mom, that probally my SM was unaware of. I'd bring up all the horrible things that SM said about my mom, and tell her how my mom does not do badmouthing like she does. SM would talk about how wonderful my stepsister is, I'd bring up all her flaws and why she was not this "saint" that my SM thought she was. SM sends me a mean e-mail I forward it to my aunt who hates my SM. As a child I was a complete doormat and wasn't in a position to stand up for myself. But as an adult I am able to stand up for myself. I know its caused tension in my family but I am proud of the fact that I was finally able to stand up for myself. I never thought I had it in me to speak up for myself and to not let my SM treat me like complete dirt.

 

[dramacentral]

Unfortunately, people often feel liberated by the anonymous nature of the Internet to say things to others that they would never dare say in person! I encountered it on an email list that was supposed to be a supportive space for people doing the Artists Way - which emphasizes supporting other artists in their creativity and forming a community of fellow creative people.

Well, this one lady took it upon herself to give some very unsolicited advice. She told me that the problems I was having must be bad karma that I brought down upon myself. When I told her I didn't believe in that but thanked her kindly for her interest, she didn't take the hint and continued to criticize me to the entire group. Then, when I emailed her privately and asked her to stop, she blasted me, saying that I had too much anger in me, and that she was leaving the group because she didn't like being around "immature" people like me. She didn't apologize for embarrassing me in front of the rest of the group or for hurting me in the first place. Did you ever notice how, when people realize they've hurt someone, they often act defensive and criticize the other person for daring to feel hurt and offended?

It was really a shock. I ended up leaving that group, not in the least because no one else spoke up to defend me, and several people thought that she should have the right to publicly criticize if she felt like it. For me, that was not the point of the group - opening yourself up to criticism from strangers - so I left! Pity, too, as I thought of some of those people as my friends and had been with the group for almost a year.

The whole point of groups like these are to allow people to express their feelings. I cringe when someone tells another person that they "shouldn't" feel something. In my opinion, we do not have mistaken feelings -- at times perhaps mistaken beliefs or beliefs based on incomplete evidence, yes, but not mistaken feelings. I hate that people in general feel so free to judge each other. Even if they know and understand all the circumstances, it's STILL not their right.

Pffft. My sympathies.