mother's day and no mother

[Tounces]

I have a second grader who gets very upset about his deceased mom. He was told by his father that his mom died in a car crash when he was 2 years old. He can't handle any talk of moms. He is extremely upset when anyone brings it up. The dad is having a hard time with this and keeps reminding his son that he needs a mom. (Dad remarried and divorced since then too)
Side note: The other day the boy announced that he has a new mom. I was surprised so I said really? who is your new mom? He said somebody from church. He told me his dad told him to pick between a few women and tell him who he wanted. Now he believes it will be true.
Dad is not helpful and makes up excuses for his son's behavior. He has terrible emotional outbursts. Crying loudly and screaming-then yells at everyone not to look at him. I know he needs help, but dad is "too busy" and expects the school to do everything.

My question is, how can I have the class make a Mother's Day card without him becoming upset or telling the class how he picked out a new mom? A couple of kids overheard when he told me and thought he was nuts. I'm afraid this will cause another big scene from him. Normally I would ask the dad how he would want it handled, but this dad won't be any help. His closest female relative lives in Michigan. His grandma visited from there earlier. Should I just tell him to make a card for her instead? Thanks for any ideas.

 

[Jenny]

cards

I would not limit the making of cards for other people to just this one child. I would suggest to the class that mothers day is meant to be a chance to thank the people in our lives who have contributed to our growing up, and even though it is called mothers day it is ok to make mothers day cards for grandmas, older sisters etc who have provided that care. If you are not sure about that, then why not make it a 'card making' time. The children could brainstorm a list of reasons that they might need to make a card (or two), include mothers day on the list, and point out how close it is, but let them make birthday cards, thank you cards, get well cards etc and make the choice themselves.

 

[teacher2]

No mom

A few years ago I had a child who was in a similar situation. I had her make the card for her dad since he was doing the job of both parents.
Sometimes I just have them make a card and choose someone else they would like to give it to. Maybe one of the women at church, a teacher, etc.
Best wishes.

 

[fun_friend]

Maybe he could give a card to a grandmother?

 

[BookMuncher]

i don't know...

I'm probably the only one who feels this way, but I just wouldn't even do the activity. I have a kiddo this year who has some issues this way too (although he doesn't have nearly the emotional tramau). We will be in school during father's day too, and I have 2 with no dad at all in the picture. I can't imagine being that child-- it would be really really hard to take- no matter what other females he could write to in his life.

I just personally feel that Mother's and Father's Day are not majoy holidays that we have an obligation to celebrate in school. I've had a "Special Person's" Day where guests can come into the classroom for activities, and that is my way of hitting mother's day and father's day at once.

If none of that works, could he be the guidance counselor or some other teacher's "helper" for the block of time that you are making the cards? The other kids getting to make a card (for me) doesn't equal the importance of his emotional stability.

I'd be interested in hearing how he does... good luck!!

 

[Lea]

No mother

I know how the child felt I lost 2 moms and I dont really like mothers day and I did not like to make cards... If a child does not want to make a mothers day card then he or she should not have to at any age. Ask if he wants to draw a picture or you can ask him to do something a little bit more special then the other students but not to make it feel like hes that diff. Have him\ her play on a computer or something with maybe the teacher like a card game.. so that hes getting that one on one atations while the others are doing cards.. or he can make one for his father saying "I love you".

 

[Tounces]

update

He ended up making a card too. He decided right away to make one for his "new mom". We made pop-up cards with cut out flowers inside. They also put coupons inside to owe mom a special chore. I don't know if the "new Mom" knows what is going on yet or not. Maybe this will be their way of telling her. I usually do more but this year the families don't do hardly anything for me so I decided to focus my time with my family instead.

 

[Asheley]

No Mom

As a Girl who grew up without a mom my dad took my place. I feel for this child because in grade school not having a mom tore me apart. My teachers had let me go to "the nurse" while the others students drew there cards. I also choice some of my friends moms to write too. But one thing that always made me feel good was making a card for my dad saying how gratefull I was that he was my mom and my dad. It made me feel so good to give it too him and the only day of the year we would talk about my mom together was mothers day. We talked about it together so I always felt better as he explained it better too me.