my children's stepmom

[Amanda K]

I had posted awhile back about how my children's stepmom was overstepping her boundaries by trying to be one of my kid's room mother. Luckily she wasn't able to do that. But this woman has no limits. She completely wants to take over my children's lives and I am thinking of taking legal action against her in order for me to maintain be mother to my children.

I was on the internet the other day looking at some stepfamily websites to get ideas in how to deal with her. And what I found was so disturbing. I found this website where people in stepfamilies(usually stepmoms) post about their stepfamily problems. My children's stepmother has posted tons of pictures of MY children on this website without my permission. I wouldn't have guessed that this poster was her except that she has my children's pictures up right next to her user name.

If having my children's picture up on a website isn't bad enough what she says about me is just awful. She says that now she is married to my ex that there is no need for me to be a mother anymore, and she doesn't understand why I just don't give up custody of my children to her so that they can be a "normal" family and so that she can be "mom". My ex and his wife have the kids every other weekend. My children are loved and well taken care of by me. The stepmother goes on to say how she resents my presence and influence in the kids lives and that I should just "butt out" of her life and allow her to be Mom. She then says that when the kids grow up they will know that she is the better mom than me. When she posts about my kids she talks about them as if they are her children. She says "my children" and "my children's birth mother" as if I gave up my kids for adoption, which is what she wants. I am just livid and don't know what to do. I wonder if I can take any legal action against this witch who obviously does want to take my place. My ex is no help at all and thinks its wonderful that his wife wants to be "mom" to our children. He does not realize how disrespectful she is being to me as our children's mother.

 

[C.]

Yikes

I'm sorry you're going through this. That woman sounds awful! Seems to me you should have some legal recourse, especially if she is posting pictures without your consent. I'd call a lawyer. Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[MKat]

Wow. For now, I'd be making hard copies of everything and keeping them somewhere safe where the kids won't find them - and then keep watching her very carefully. Maybe find out from a lawyer how to document everything.

She is digging her own grave and will not be getting more custody of your children. While I'm sure you are just seething, I'd keep quiet and let her keep digging.

Just keep enjoying your kids and being a good mom - the kids know who their mom is!

 

[Amanda K]

custody

From the website my kids stepmother wants me to give up my parental rights to her so that she and my ex can raise them, which will not happen. I have custody, not my ex. When my ex and I divorced he had no stability in his life, moving job from job so a judge granted me full custody. Just cause he gets remarried and can keep a job now for more than 3 months doesn't mean he's fit to be their full-time parent. I am printing all of her posts so I can document how she is trying to take my place.

I know I am a good mother, but I still have this fear that somehow this witch will take them away from them or convince them that I am not as good as a mother as she. The kids stepmother by the way is no mother. She has no kids of her own so she wants to take my children and "play house" and "play mommy". She's in her mid twenties while I'm in my thirties. She has no clue what being a responsible mother is all about.

 

[Tounces]

mom

I can understand why you are upset about the pictures on the Internet. That isn't a good idea for anyone to do that. I'm sure you're a good mom. From what I read on your post though, it sounds like jealousy is eating away at you. I hope this doesn't upset you more. It's not meant to at all. This woman is now a part of your children's lives and yours. The best thing to do for their sake would be to try to get along. Have you considered family counseling? Too many times the mom's jealousy and the arguing over the kids makes the situation even worse. Whether you like it or not, this other woman is your kids other mom. I think it's nice that she wants to be involved and is treating them as her own. You then don't have to worry about them while they are visiting. Stepmom's have things rough enough as it is. When she married your ex she also took into consideration having two children she barely knows to welcome into her relationship with her new husband. If you were to remarry wouldn't you want your new husband to accept your children this way too? You know she can't get custody so she'll accept that someday. Meanwhile enjoy your kids and don't put them in the middle. They don't need to see you angry and upset and I wouldn't let the new stepmom know she got to you at all. I might just encourage her more. I think I'd just talk to your ex about your children's pictures on the Internet. He might not know about it.

 

[Amanda K]

stepmom

Just because my ex got divorced and got remarried to some twenty something who knows nothing about parenting doesn't make her a mother. Calling her my children's "other mother" is extremely offensive and like a slap in a face to me. She will never be their mother. She is trying too hard and has no respect for me as their mother. She wants to do everything for my kids before I even get a chance. I am their mother. It is my right to parent my children, not her. Besides she only sees them every other weekend. Weekend parenting is a lot less responsibility than full time parenting. Doing things for them on the weekend and trying to intrude on my time with my kids does not make her a mother. She did not give birth to them, breast feed them, watch them grow, and care for them like I have. I plan to take legal action against her. What she is doing might even be classified as Parental Alienation Syndrome. I looked that up. Its where a parent or stepparent tries to alienate the kids from their other parent. With her trying to take over my role and her trying to get them to call her Mommy is definitely her way of trying to get me out of my children's lives.

 

[kirsten]

I would be worried

Just from the wording you quoted from what she has been putting on that website, she sounds pretty twisted to me. For a woman who only has these kids every other weekend, she sounds like she's not quite in touch with reality. I would definitely print out everything and then sit down with my ex in a totally non-confrontational situation and calmly tell him that not only did this hurt you very deeply, but also concerns you - safety for your children, that her attitudes about you will eventually hurt the kids because they will sense this, and then she is way out of line in suggesting that you would ever leave your kids to her to raise. My ex and I don't get along well at all, but I know he would not stand for that stuff because he would not want it done to him if the situation were reversed. I think I would also check with a lawyer or maybe social services to see if it is legal for her to be posting pictures of the kids on the internet without your consent, since you are the custodial parent. A social worker may look at what you have and key in on the language and recognize it as "not quite right." Best of luck. I'd probably be plotting murder by now