My daughter hates schoool

[Naomi]

My daughter is in the 4th grade and hates school. My daughter has been struggling with reading since towards the end of 3rd grade. Since I'm a teacher and her mom I've tried my best to help her. I think she does a lot better at home in the evenings with reading when I help her than she does at school. At school she gets scared because of her teacher. Since I am a teacher I try not to tell my kids teachers what I think they are doing wrong, but my daughter's 4th grade teacher is a person that I just can not stand. She is so uncaring about kids and probably has just taught so long that she's now burned out, and my daughter is paying the price.
This teacher has kept my daughter in from recess several times to help her with reading. That could be done at another time, but children need time to play. My daughter comes home crying and tells me that she misses playing with her friends and did nothing wrong to loose recess. I can not believe this teacher would take away my daughter's recess just because she's not on reading level. Then when the class has quizzes the teacher has the other kids grade each other's papers. I find that a violation of privacy. But what really has ticked me off is how impatient this teacher is. When my daughter is reading in class and I know my daughter reads slowly cause she has to sound out the words this teacher will tell her that she is not trying hard enough and is reading too slow. My daughter is trying her very best. I've seen her at home reading and she's a lot more comfortable because she's not being humiliated like she is at school. My daughter tells me daily that she hates school. I've met with this teacher and she defends everything that she has done even the ridiculous taking recess away. I even met with the principal and she backed up the teacher. I don't know what else to do. This is a private school and there's only one 4th grade class so she can't be moved to another class. Only thing I can think of is to take my daughter out of private school and have her come to school where I teach. It might be better for her. This private school doesn't have many resources. The public school I teach at has a reading specialist that could truly help my daughter with her reading skills. It just kills me to hear my daughter tell me how much she hates school.

 

[mellen]

Take her with you!

Humiliation as a source of motivation?! What a shame! By all means, take your daughter to school with you. It may be just the thing she needs as she finishes up her elementary school years. She may regain confidence in her abilities and remember how much fun school can be. Naturally, I'm assuming you have a supportive and strong fourth grade team that would provide your daughter with many opportunities for growth and success. Is there a reason you're hesitating to make the move?

 

[Naomi]

my daughter

There's a few reasons I'm hesitating, but I think moving my daughter to my school would be best for her. Also my school is a public K-8th school so my daughter could be with me through middle school and I really like that.
My daughter has been at this school since she was in Kindergarten and has a lot of friends there, and I hate taking her from all her friends. But I guess she can make friends at my school just as easily. My husband and I have always wanted to give our children a private school education. My husband went to private school from K-12th and always insisted on private school. He said it was worth the money. But with this teacher, its definitely not.
The 4th grade teachers at my school are great. There's one in particular that I would love for my daughter to have. She is just so caring and patient, which is exactly what my daughter needs. I'm just wondering if it would be hard on her to move her mid-year.

 

[Penny]

move her

You're daughter's already going through a rough time. And she doesn't seem to be gaining any ground in her reading skills. As she gets older, it'll be harder and harder to catch up. If your school has the resources to help her, why not move her now? Besides, having you on campus might help with the transition. You know everyone and her new teacher would be a lot more nurturing than the one she has now. What's to be gained by keeping her in her current school?

 

[Kate26]

Penny is right

I agree with Penny, move her. I have always felt that "most" private schools deal beautifully with children performing at grade level and do not know what to do with children who are performing below grade level. Last year, we had a boy transfer to our school who was having similar problems as your daughter. His mom told me that was best thing she ever did.

 

[jvn]

Move Her

I was in this situation when my 11 year old was in 2nd grade. Since I was a teacher at the school, I didn't ask to change classes when my son was so unhappy. BIG MISTAKE. He developed stomach problems and lost weight. The guilt I still feel...Please consider changing schools.

 

[SC]

Move her

I teach in a private school, and while I think private school education can be great, it can also be horrible. I, too, am the only 4th grade teacher at my school, and I know that I don't have the resources to deal with students who are below level. The school just doesn't provide things that could help me, and I would feel horrible if a student didn't get what he/she needs. I would think that she could get more of what she needs from where you work - and it would save you money

 

[Alicia]

remove her

Your daughter is being treated unfairly and sounds absolutely miserable at this school. I agree that keeping your daughter in for recess to practice reading is unacceptable. Also, kids correcting each other's quizzes is a violation of privacy. Growing up I always felt uncomfortable in school when my teachers would have us correct each other's papers.

If your daughter is so uncomfortable at school, is being treated unfairly, and hates school, I would take her out and put her in your school. There is no reason for her to stay at the private school and suffer like that. Private schools can be great (I went to one), but they aren't the right place for every student. I also find that the private school I went to has very limited resources for students who struggle or may have a special need.

 

[hescollin]

Petunia

I vote move her immediately. She'll make new friends. And think of the opportunities riding to and from school together. She can join you in your room and help decorate the room, listen to books on tape while going to and from school. (if you don't have any---- buy some, borrow some free at the public library, use your scholastic points and get books on tape. Please don't make her stay. Ask ahead of time if your daughter could be in your favorite teachers class. Most public schools want more students, so they can get more money. They don't need to know the details of why you are changing schools.

I moved four times and each time was a great experience.

 

[brigita]

My advice is to trust your intuition. No one knows your child like you know her. Talk to her about it--see if she is agreeable to the idea. The first quarter is most likely nearly over, so that would be a good time to make the transition.

 

[Naomi]

I'm moving her

I talked with my daughter about it, and she wants to move to my school. She jumped at the chance. Yeah, my daughter has friends at her school now but she's so miserable there because of that teacher. I just can not make her stay one more day at that school. It just kills me how that teacher treats her. I called the principal today and told the principal to have all forms for a transfer ready by tomorrow because I would be withdrawing her from school tomorrow. The principal gave me such an attitude about withdrawing my daughter and told me that I should trust my daughter's teacher and not tell the teacher how to do her job. I told her this is my daughter and I will not allow her to come home one more day from school crying because of this teacher. My daughter has literally been shaking before going to school because she is so scared of this teacher. So tomorrow I am taking the day off, and withdrawing my daughter from that horrible private school. I already talked to my principal at my school, and my principal is fine with my daughter being in the teacher's class that I want her to be in. This is so wonderful because this teacher is so patient and caring, that I think my daughter will do a lot better. So tomorrow after I withdraw my daughter from her private school I'm going to take her up to my school and show her around. I thought I'd show her where her classroom is, and have her meet her new teacher and just get aqainted with the school. My principal said that my daughter can start school on Monday in the teacher's class that I requested her to be in.

 

[ORteacher]

right idea

It looks like you did the right thing. I bet your daughter will have a better 4th grade year. It can be hard having children at the school you teach. Remember what you said in your first posting, "Since I am a teacher I try not to tell my kids teachers what I think they are doing wrong" and you should be fine. Hope the rest of the year goes better!

 

[Naomi]

teachers

I usually will trust a teacher's judgement since I am a teacher myself. However when a teacher makes my daughter so miserable its a different story. But I don't see that happening with the teachers I work with.

 

[Penny]

child on campus

My son is on my campus and absolutely loves being there. We're both new to the school, so he doesn't have the "teacher's kid" label that he would have had at my former school. But he gets to keep things in my room, hang out after school, and help me before school when I need it.

It's also nice when the staff knows your kids and watches them grow up. In my last school, my kids would get dropped off after school every day and the staff knew and joked with them. They always had another teacher's kid to hang out with, too.

She's going to like being at school with you. I'm really glad you made the decision. I can identify with her fear of going to school--I was terrified of my 6th grade teacher. It's great that she can now be in a much better environment and get the help and nurturing she needs.

 

[Miller]

learning centers

What about Sylvan Learning Center? They seem to be successful. I'm not justifying why she's taking your daughter's recesses, but sometimes I keep kids in from P.E. (we don't have recess) to help with skills. It sounds like this teacher is using it as her amusement though. She really may be trying to help your daughter but her way may seem to harsh.

Ask your daughter what she wants to do. She'll let you know if she wants to switch schools or not. Kids these age will resent you if you make that kind of decision with asking them. Maybe your district has outside reading specialists that can tutor her. I'd check into that and Sylvan before talking about moving her.

 

[Teach 5]

schools

This is really not a private school vs. public school issue. It is a teacher issue. You can have good and bad teachers at either a public or a private school. It sounds like your daughter has a "bad" one. She should not be kept in at recess, kids need that time. She should also not be told that she is reading too slowly. There are always two sides to every story & the teacher may have something else to say but it just doesn't seem like she is willing to work with your daughter to meet her needs.
You are doing the right thing by removing her from the school, especially since she wants to leave. Hopefully, she will be more successful at your school or at least happier. It is very hard to teach kids that have come from that kind of environment, they shut down & lose their confidence. I know because I used to have to teach the kids that came from a teacher like that. Even if your daughter still struggles, her confidence level and how she feels about school will make a difference in her rate of success. She may also feel more secure with you in the building. Both of my children went to the schools where I taught & it was fine.
Good luck to you both!

 

[hescollin]

petunia

Do post back and let us know how every is going. Another thing you can do is record her reading and play in back as you are traveling. She follows along in the book while listening to her recording.

 

[sandilion]

I would move her

if you are worried about the friends she has. She can still be friends with these children by having them over and spending time together on the weekends. I would actually like to move my son from his current class but is not an option at this time because of only one school in town and only one 3rd grade class at our school Good luck and let us know what you do.