My new best friend

[No name]

I am having trouble with a new teacher who wants to be my best friend. I made the mistake of listening to her when she had a problem . Since then she has called me at home, sits next to me in the faculty room, constantly tries to start conversation with me about all her problems, etc. She tries to tell me the intimate details of her personal life. I want to know how do you get rid of someone who has latched on to you? I still have work in the same school with her.

 

[connieg]

poor soul...poor you

Hi,

As the year is starting to wind down, become VERY busy everytime you see her. I hope you have a room key. I sometimes work with no lights and the door closed. If she came in, I would say "Wow, I can't believe all we have to do." and then keep doing busy work that shows her you aren't really listening. Give her some suggestions like "My aunt (make up an aunt) had problems like that and a therapist/counselor really helped her sort it out." Think of some exit strategies at lunch time, like glancing at your watch and saying "Whoa! I promised Jimmy's mom I'd give her a call right about now."

We have an older teacher who totally monopolizes the conversations at school with all of her adult children's adventures. I find this boring and it is okay if it is like a one minute story, but it tends to go on and on and cuts out anybody else's opportunity to talk or vent. These people are real bores. No wonder they are saddled with relationship problems.

Connie

 

[ME2]

Here's how I handled it

I had a similar situation happen with me, although in my case, we were both practicum teachers, student teaching at the same school. It seemed that my "colleague" wanted to mooch off all my hard work, while she sailed through. Also, she shared details about her sex life that I didn't care to hear, and overall, I felt that she wasn't a very effective teacher, or a person of high integrity.

Although you didn't share your reasons for not wanting this person around, my assumption is that she's a "taker" who's draining your energy. (Am I right?) What worked in my situation is, I began telling her ahead of time that I planned to, for example, eat lunch alone on a particular day, because the students had given me a headache (which was true). Another thing that worked is, I began asking for her help. If your person is lazy, she'll start to back away.

Now that I've offered my 2 cents...why exactly don't you want this person around you?

 

[hescollin]

Petunia

If you have caller ID, don't answer the phone if it is your new best friend. If you answer go to the door and ring the door bell. "Oh, excuse me someone is at the door" and hang up. Try not to sit down until after she does and try to sit where someone else is on both sides of you. If she sits by you after a bit get up and go to the restroom and come back and sit some place else. Start a conversation with the person on the other side of you.

 

[No name]

energy drainer, needy, critical

I don't want to be around this woman because she sucks the energy out of me. The kids in our school are in the middle of a really terrific project that has gotten lots of praise and attention and is supervised by another teacher who is in this woman's academic area. She started telling me that she thought the whole thing was overrated, that everyone in the school was paying too much attention to the project, that the kids didn't do anything so terrific, etc. I cut her off by telling her I was too busy. She wants to confide the details of her sex life with an alcoholic ex boyfriend who gave her an std. She is terrified of being alone and thinks there is something wrong with not being married and talks about how much she wants to be married CONSTANTLY. I am single and I am okay with it. I told her that I would rather be single and happy that married just for the sake of being married. I made the mistake of telling her that I am applying for a grant and I gave her a copy of the paper work so that she could also apply for a grant (which is kind of where this whole thing started). Now she constantly wants to talk to me about why the money is available for the grants, wants me to help her fill out the paperwork, wants to discuss it constantly, etc. I have already gone to several meetings to learn about the grant process, how to complete the paperwork, etc. .She wants me to do all the work for her. She is in her 30s and can't deal with life and wants to cling to me. I found out yesterday from another teacher that she is doing the same thing to her. She is just SO needy and the truth is I don't really like her.

 

[Newbie]

What I did

I had this problem last year when a long-term sub down the hall from me realized that we had been in some college classes together and had the same CT during student teaching (not at the same time; a semester apart). She latched onto me because I helped her a little bit as she got settled in. Everyone thought she was annoying, so I know it wasn't just my being rude.

This girl had a habit of coming into my room right after school and chatting for more than an hour! At first I chatted too because I didn't want to be rude, but finally I started shutting my door right after school. If she came in anyway, I continued to work without saying much. She didn't stay nearly as long then.

Don't answer the phone if you know it's her, and if she sits down next to you, try to come up with an excuse to move. When my "friend" followed me around, I found a reason to leave.

 

[Rubyslippers]

I guess I am really rude...

because I would just make up a few white lies. Like, I would hint that the principal, or vice-principal (whoever) had noticed that she spent quiet a bit of time not in her own "space" and was concerned that it was affecting her performance. Or i would just have to go to the bathroom or a parent meeting or ANYWHERE to get away from her and hide there for quiet some time. And finally, if she came in my room when the door was shut and the lights off, I would just have to say "I really need some time alone right now." or "It is difficult for me to concentrate when someone is around. You'll have to go visit someone else today."
As far as talking about her personal life, just very matter-of-factly say. "I had rather you not tell me these things. They are personal and I really have no interest in them. Is is considered poor manners to discuss just topics w/ a coworker.'

Ask a couple of teachers to help my monopolizing the space around you at lunch. Or have one come in while the leech is around and say that someone was looking for her and she needed to go see them.After a few runarounds she should get the hint.

If all else fails, seek the help of one of her supervisors. Explain it in terms of YOU are not able to work to the best of your abilty because she monopolizes your planning time and ignores her own planning time,etc.

 

[tia]

ruby slippers...

i like your style! those are some good ideas!

 

[Rubyslippers]

Thanks tia!

I've just never been one to sugar coat things. My principal says I'm too blunt w/parents and I talk over their heads (?), but they can never say "She didn't tell me." ! or "I didn't understand."

 

[teach]

I think it's pretty rude of you..

to want to "get rid" of her. Maybe she needs someone to talk to, someone to mentor her. If you are older and mature, seems like you'd want to invest in the lives of others around you. You could still set up healthy boundaries, like making sure she didn't call you at late hours and things like that.

 

[NO Name]

No interest

Teach - I have no interest in "mentoring" a woman in her thirties who has no understanding of what is and is not appropriate to share with a coworker . A friend is someone you choose to associate with. A coworker is someone who shares the same work environment with you. I choose not to be this woman's friend. Do you like to hear the intimate details of the lives of strangers? Do your coworkers attempt to share the intimate details of their gynocological history over chicken nuggets?

 

[teach]

well..

even if someone did that, I'd assume they didn't have anyone to talk to. I'd set up boundaries w/ them, but I'd also extend grace to them.

 

[5th teach]

I am with you no name

I have had the clingy experience too and it is no fun. You can only be so kind. This teacher will find someone else to cling onto soon, so try to grin and bear it, and I agree with other posters, hang out with others as much as possible. If she can't get the hint, there's always next year, and a few beers
And teach, stop being so antagonistic, what is it with these boards, someone always has to rile things up! Maybe you are the annoying one no name is talking about!!!!