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Not sure what to do

Teddi9192

Teddi9192

Senior Member
My MIL has always filled the advent box for my sons. They are now 20 and 22 but both live at home still. She declared them too old last year and said it was her last year. They enjoy doing it. It is typically a small candy, quarters or a dollar and an occasional slip of paper to get a present. These are things like holiday socks.

I got them each a premade advent set. One has different hot sauces and the other has a different small alcohol each day. My son’s gf also lives with us. I got her a candle a day one.

I really want to do the box for them this year mainly because they like it but a little because my MIL is a turd.

Would you do it for just the boys or would you include the GF? She had a rough upbringing and was sometimes left out. But it was always just a tradition for the boys and she can get sensitive/overwhelmed if she thinks she shouldn’t be involved/included. (Photos etc).
 
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Renea

Renea

Senior Member
I'd certainly include the gf. If she lives with you she's part of the Christmas celebration. Isn't it great that your sons still want to enjoy Advent calendars? How sweet.
 
M

MKat

Senior Member
I'm trying to figure out why MIL is a turd. There must be more to it than deciding not to do something she did for the kids anymore now that they are adults? It's pretty common to discontinue all those traditions as they become adults and especially as their families are expanding.

If you decide you want to do it, I'd include everyone.
 
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Teach 5

Teach 5

Senior Member
I think your mil just decided as she said that they are too old for it. If you want to continue it then go-ahead and do it. She might not realize how much they still enjoy it. I would include the girlfriend. Just be low key when she opens the daily box, so she doesn’t get overwhelmed.
 
Teddi9192

Teddi9192

Senior Member
MCat-she is just a turd. Always. It has nothing to do with the advent calendar except in the manner she told us. Turd was a polite way to describe her.
 
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M

MissESL

Senior Member
You know as an adult, I struggle with traditional things being discontinued, because I think that traditions are connections, especially between generations. I’d be upset over it ending. I still sort of smart over the end of stockings…the littles don’t get what we all had growing up!

I also an a fan of “flipping” traditions. Ok, your sons are grown - why don’t they create your MIL an advent calendar? Even if for this year, it would show an appreciation for her actions over the years.
 
anna

anna

Senior Member
I am wondering why the idea that MIL quit the advent calendar thing morphed into "she is a turd." Perhaps you are bothered by having to take over the role of indulging the children? This sounds like a whine from an entitled person who now has to provide something for her kids.
 
Teddi9192

Teddi9192

Senior Member
Anna,

The turd comment was more about her general personality. Not just this instance. She will inform me that I did it wrong, or some other snide comment. She was particularly nasty when she said she wasn’t going to do it anymore. Quite a bit of informing that I am a horrible person for doing anything for them. And then not doing enough in the next sentence. I can barely stomach the woman. Turd was the most polite thing I could say about her. She lives to shred me. She is very careful to not do it in front of my husband.

I’m not sure how asking if I should include the GF makes me an entitled brat that hates my kids.
 
M

MKat

Senior Member
I kind of love the moniker "turd" for your MIL, especially after your descriptions. Can i borrow it for my FIL?
 
Teddi9192

Teddi9192

Senior Member
MKat - feel free. I actually like to picture her with the turd emoji as her head. But like those filters with her real eyes and mouth. When she is being vile, I will almost bust out laughing because of the image in my head.
 
anna

anna

Senior Member
Now that you added some explanation as to why you resent her I get your initial post . No one called you an entitled brat. You are annoyed with her. I get it. My mil annoyed me once by cutting my kid's hair. I called her something different than a turd.😳
My SIL micromanages everything. I have a name for that too. 😂 It is easy this time of year to be annoyed. Have fun with the traditions of the season.
 
letsgomets

letsgomets

Senior Member
Back to your original question, Teddi - yes, I would include the girlfriend. I still buy my 31 y.o. son a chocolate Advent calendar every year when I buy ones for my great niece and great nephew. I like traditions, so enjoy continuing a tradition that you like. Many blessings of the season to you and yours!
 
K

KetchupChips

Senior Member
Teddi, you did the right thing in both buying prefilled (smart!) Advent for your sons and including the gf. If she wasn’t included, it wouldn’t be very nice. If I was in her shoes, it would hurt my feelings to be left out. I try to “Choose kindness” as much as possible.

Have you thought of secretly recording an instance of when your MIL is being a brat to share with DH?

Have fun with the first day of the advent calendars!
 
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