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I am pregnant, just found out. I have been planning a wedding for a year now and accidentally got pregnant and yes, was using birth control. I don't want to be showing at my August wedding, so I'm thinking of terminating it. If I won't be showing by then, then I might keep it. Not sure what to do. I think it is tacky to be a pregnant bride. Any advice?


Replies to Thread

by Justme

The decision to end pregnancy should be deeper than you want to look hot and thin for your wedding. Move the wedding up if you are so worried, but don't kill the life inside you just so you can be "fashionable" for your wedding. What is truly tacky is that you seem to see the baby as nothing more than an unwelcome fashion acessory for your wedding.


Be sure to really think by Kteach2

You really need to think this major decision through. Terminating a pregnancy just because you don't want to be showing at your wedding is NOT a reason to terminate a pregnancy (in my opinion). You need to talk to your future husband about this and listen to what he thinks.


Tacky!?!?! by phoebe611

What could be more beautiful than a blushing bride than a glowing with pregnancy blushing bride!?!?! That said, I really don't think you are thinking this through - terminate a pregnancy just because you may show at the wedding? Come on, think about it. In this day and age nobody even blinks at that sort of thing. Give it some thought and consider keeping the baby or let someone adopt it if you are not ready to be a mom. Have you discussed it with your fiance? Have you considered uping the wedding date? You have lots of options. Good luck and keep us updated on your decision.


Try to see the bigger picture by Dawn

I can remember being engaged for 3 years, and my fiance and I had many frightening false alarms about being pregnant. At the time, we had decided that we would end the pregnancy if it happened. Now that man is my husband, and after almost 25 years of marriage and 4 children, I cannot imagine what we were thinking. I don't think either of us could live with ourselves if we had ended the life of one of our children...I would always be thinking of that other child we might have had. What I am saying is that there are far worse things to live with than being "tacky." I hope you think this through thoroughly. I agree with the other posters--a pregnant bride is far less upsetting to family and wedding guests than it was in your parents' generation.


Please think things through by abcdefg

Please think this through and involve your husband to be. I understand you were not planning to be pregnant, but you are and there is now a baby involved. This is 2006 and I would rather see a blushing, pregnant bride than know that someone terminated a life just so she wouldn't show. During my first pregnancy, I did not really start to show until about 5 months. Good luck with your decision. I strongly believe that things always happen for a reason. My second son was a "surprise" and he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I really needed him in my life, I just didn't know it at the time.


Please, please by Kiki

Think this through! You say that you'll keep the baby if you won't show but not if you will. First, I strongly believe that every baby is a gift from God. If you were using birth control it is even more of a gift. Secondly, you will only be four - five months and even if you are showing it won't be much. Third, you are comparing a child's entire lifetime to a half a day for you. An ugly hat is "Tacky." A baby is not. I was engaged in March 1999 and found out I was pregnant in July. We upped the wedding, had a terrific time, and now have a terrifc life.

If you aren't sure you want a baby, please consider adoption. There are adopted siblings in my family and it is wonderful!


Mrs.CLB by Saddened

I hate to be the one to be a total downer about this, but I was very saddened to hear that you are considering aborting your child so you don't look "tacky" at your wedding. This is a moral issue that affects much more than how you look for 15 minutes on your wedding day. I know so many people who would be incredibly happy at the chance to have a child, and you're considering throwing it away for a very superficial reason. I have very little respect for people who would do such a thing for such selfishness.

Sorry, but I had to be honest. Think about it.


by BetsyC

I'm not sure how to begin...I know that everyone has their own problems and I don't mean to compare mine to yours and say that yours are less. That being said, I ask you to look at your situation from a different perspective. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for five years. We were pregnant once and miscarried. We've both been through so much with doctors, and I even had surgery a year and a half ago. At this time we are waiting to adopt a baby. We began the adoption process (domestic-adopting within the United States) in September and have been officially activated for a little over four months. There are so many women who are in the same situation as I am and who would consider a pregnancy a miracle! I can't put into words the grief we have been through over not being able to get pregnant...it's just not possible to explain. Please don't terminate this life growing inside of you. Consider it a blessing and be proud of your growing belly even if it shows at your wedding. I can only imagine what it must feel like to realize that I'm pregnant with a little life growing in my womb. If you aren't ready to be a mother then that's okay. Just know that there are many, many couples that would love your baby as their very own given the chance. I already love our little baby and we don't even know her yet! You will be in my prayers.

agree with the others by km

I am almost wondering if this post is for real. I learned I was pregnant after we were engaged and like the other poster, we upped our wedding and everything was wonderful. I was about 5 months at the wedding and didn't show. Most first pregnancies don't show until 4-5 months and even then it is very little. Being pregnant is scary, especially if it is unexpected and unplanned. However, are you scared simply for the fact that your wedding day may be altered a little or are you scared because you now have the responsibility of the life growing inside you? My husband and I weren't really ready to have a child - I don't think anyone is ever really ready - but she is the best thing that has ever happened to either of us and we can't imagine life without her.

If this post if real, you really have a lot of thinking to do and please include your future husband. Terminating a pregnancy for the sake of fashion is a horrible decision and I think you would regret it for the rest of your life.

My two cents by Mackenzie AK

I am truly appalled to think that someown would terminate a life for a wedding. It saddens me. I too am wondering if this post is for real. Please consider adoption over abortion if you truly do not want a child. I guess I cannot even put into words how I feel after reading this post.


by ogteacher

I've known lots of pregnant brides, and they all looked radiant and wonderful. Since it isn't an uncommon experience, they even make lovely bridal gowns to accomodate that bundle of life beneath the gown.

Having just lost my dear granddaughter to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, the idea of terminating a life for the vanity of a flat tummy in a wedding gown really saddens me. Of course, abortion is a personal decision, but if you and your fiance were planning a family eventually anyway, why not celebrate this new life?


agree with BetsyC by slooper

I agree with Betsy C. My husband and I are having the very same problem and just miscarried a baby. If you don't want the baby, at least give someone else the opportunity to love and care for it.


please, please - don't! by calumetteach

I thought I was pregnant when I was engaged. I was so scared - we weren't prepared and didn't have much $ put away. Too bad I wasn't. Turns out it took us 8 soul-searching and difficult years to get pregnant. We didn't think we ever would be able to have kids. Children are a gift - pregnancy is a gift. Don't throw it away. After many years, trials and tribulations I've learned that everything happens for a reason and things work out in the end. Not always like you'd like it to -- but it does.

Also have you told your fiance? If not, you need to-a secret like that is no way to start a life together. I think it's exciting. Enjoy being pregnant and getting married - how exciting! Being pregnant when you get married is much more common and people might talk - but who cares? You need to show them YOU'RE the one with integrity, class --- and values. Think about what's important in the grand scheme of things.


by tweet

I was not pregnant when I got married, but got that way within 6 weeks of the wedding. It was not planned, and yes, we were using birth control. I cried for two weeks when I found out. We were poor, struggling teachers and the last thing I needed was a baby. The baby was born 10 months and 1 day after our wedding. I will never forget the joy on my husband's face as he held our son--the first infant he had ever held.

Twenty-two years later (my son's birthday is Wednesday this week), my VERY unplanned son finishes his student teaching on Tuesday, and will graduate from college May 5, followed by his own wedding July 8. I cannot begin to fathom what life would be like without him--and believe me when I say raising him was a challenge (he's gifted and ADHD).

I never look at my wedding pictures, can hardly remember parts of it, but every moment of my son's life is as clear as crystal. In fact, when I do look at the wedding pictures, they seem so ridiculously out-dated, and I had worked so hard to plan that day.

While I strongly support a woman's right to choose to have a child or not, I personally think this is not the reason for termination.


Is this for real? by BlueEyes

I am a huge supporter for a woman's right to choose. However, it sickens me to think that you would choose to terminate a pregnancy because you don't want to appear "tacky" if you are showing at your wedding. I am hoping that you made this post out of the shock of being pregnant and you aren't seriously considering this. I hope that you discuss this with your fiance before you make your decision and really think about what you're going to do.


Let me get this straight... by Rubyslippers

If you think it is so tacky to be a pg bride, WHY were you engaging in sexual activity before you were married?! That is just as tacky to me. Just because people don't see you have sex, doesn't make it more tactful. And just because a pg is obvious in a wedding gown, doesn't make it more wrong than premarital sex.

I don't have my head in then sand. I KNOW people have sex before marriage. So is that wrong only if you get "caught" ? If you don't think premarital sex is wrong, then why would you be ashamed to be pregnant?

That's a chance you chose to take when you chose a sexual relationship. No form of birth control is 100% effective.

If you do not feel your relationship was a mistake, then don't view your child as a mistake either.


You Couldn't Have Said It Better! by goodgirl49

Evidently people seem to think that they won't get caught and are in a state of perpetual denial about this basic fact.


by smh

Well, I have tried to type a message twice and both times it didn't post (I'm thinking that's a sign). In my opinion, being a pregnant bride is not tacky. However, terminating a pregnancy because you are afraid of what you will look like is by far the "tackiest" thing I have ever heard of. We got pregnant with my son at a very bad time. My husband was in school, I was working a very low paying job, we had nothing saved. I can't imagine not having the joy in our lives that he brings us each and every day from sun up to sun down. I think you are making a very unwise and immature decision and should seriously think about what you are saying. This innocent baby's life is dependent on what you think your belly is going to look like in 5 months. If you think you'll be too big, ok sorry baby. If it'll be small enough, ok I guess I'll go ahead and love you then. This isn't a stuffed toy, this is a living breathing human being that you and your fiance created together. We have some friends of our family who were pregnant at their wedding. Their baby is now 4. This past year they have lost two children. One was a stillborn and one was a miscarriage. Come to find out, she has a rare blood disease that the doctors told her would kill her if she ever tried to have another baby. Their first was a miracle. Could you imagine throwing that miracle away because of such a selfish reason and never getting the opportunity again to have another? Please consider what you are thinking.


scared by n2n2n2n

I too wrote a reply and deleted it. I have a 22 year old son and 18 year old daughter as well as younger child. In my original response I said something along the lines "I would hope my own children would have the maturity and wisdom to realize a child is a precious thing. A wedding can often be simply a one day production starring -- you!"

So I talked to my daughter. Know what her she said???

"A wedding is a committment for a day. A child is a committment for life."


by smh

"A wedding is a committment for a day. A child is a committment for life."

Very smart and very true. Nothing against my husband at all because I love him to death. But our wedding was nothing compared to the day our two children were born. I think because the babies were what really brought us together as a family...that's when our life really started. A marriage liscense and a priest or reverand can say you are committed together for life, but nothing shows love like a child that two people create together. Years later, I barely remember the details of our wedding (I wasn't what they call a bridezilla though, I just wanted to be married and that was it...if it was in a church, a garden, or in an outhouse, I didn't care).


be fair.... by just a guy

Hi, I think you are catching a lot of grief here. Maybe deserved, maybe not, but still not much support.

I might keep it......
I might not......

Do you want a kid? Will you be a good Mom? Will he be a good Dad? Here's your chance to have a kid if you want one. My son has been great, and he has been awful. He is now in a school out of state for outrageous behaviors and experimenting with stuff. After tons of expense/therapy he is now back to being our son. I love him, always have. We have committed to about $120,000 to get this resolved. It is looking good. Would we have him again? Yes. Our daughter is a teen...nuff said there! We'd still have her, too. Your child deserves parents that want him/her. If you can't step up to the plate and love this person, they are better off to not be around for the misery of a life with a resentful and uncaring parent. I suspect you are not a good candidate for adoption because your take is this is inconvenient. Looks like you have some thinking to do. Try a little prayer, it can't hurt. The two of you are the ones that will have to live through whatever decision you make. Either decision will affect you the rest of your life. Make damn sure it is the right one, because you can never go back. Best wishes to you!
Mr. Been There/Done That/Would Do It Again


thanks by scared

Thanks for everyone's replies. After a long talk with my fiance we have decided to terminate the pregnancy. We don't want to start out our marriage with an unwanted child. Also, I am 5 1/2 weeks along and have not been taking care of my body, since I didn't know I was pregnant. (Drinking margeritas, wine, beer, etc.). We don't want a child with "problems". Thanks for you thoughts.


So sorry... by LindaR

I am truly sorry that you have made your "decision." I can only pray that you will listen to your "mother's heart" before you make your appointment. The fact that this little one inside you has overcome the odds of a reproductive barrier (birth control) should be a clear sign that his/her life was just meant to be.

How will you be able to look at your wedding photos with complete joy, knowing that the life you two created (through love for each other, right?) was taken away?

Please take a little more time to pray and listen to the Creator of the precious life within you, growing under your heart.



Good luck to you by Kteach2

This is never an easy decision for anyone to make. I am all for a woman's right to choose, but that choice really needs to be based on what is best for everyone. I am sure you and your fiance really thought this through. You sound young and maybe just not ready to take on the responsibility of raising a child right now. I think you were brave to post this because it is a very controversial topic and people have very strong beliefs. Please remember that even by ending your pregnancy, your feelings for this baby will never go away. A friend of mine aborted a pregnancy when she was a teenager (over 25 years ago) and she still thinks about it to this day. At the time, it was the right decision for her. But now that she is older, she can put her decision in a different perspective. She doesn't regret her decision, because she has a very fulfilled life now. She says that she just always has a feeling that a piece of her is missing. Good luck to you!


I hope you... by Kiki

think long and hard before ever trying to have a baby again. You don't want this child, it's tacky, and you don't want a child with problems. Some people should never be parents. I'm sorry, but I think that your decision is selfish. However, with those feelings, you would not be a good parent anyway. I'm just sorry that your decision affects someone else so much.
I'm sorry, I know that this is not an encouraging comment and I don't mean to judge so harshly but, I need to be honest.

Here's another idea..... by singingsara

If it's not too late to change the wedding date, how about moving the wedding back to a later date, having the baby and putting it up for adoption? Lots of couples change their wedding dates; it wouldn't look odd. And if you just found out you were pregnant, chances are that having been drinking before finding out wouldn't have an adverse effect on your baby. Otherwise, every mother who drinks wine would have a child with birth defects!

I hope this won't sound too harsh, but I think that people would see pushing back your wedding to give your baby a chance at life as a LOT less tacky than having an abortion so the baby wouldn't ruin your "perfect day".


shocked by aussiejane

You will never be the same person again, no matter what you choose to do. I hope you make a decision you can live with.



While trying to fix some of the problems caused by Monday's technical glitch, this thread was accidentally deleted. We are reposting the contents of the thread here. Sorry for the error!


precious baby

Did you know that he/she already has a heart beat? He/she is already a real person. Many women who have had abortions regret it for the rest of their lives. They think about their child who once existed who lives no longer. Abortions can cause depression and a greater chance of cancer later in life.

It sounds like you are definitely not wanting to be a mom right now. Why not let a couple who can't have kids adopt your baby if you don't feel ready to raise him/her? The baby most likely will not have any problems, but even if he/she does, does that mean that he/she does not have the right to live? I'm sure if the baby knew what you were considering right now, he would really wish he could ask you to reconsider. Please let the baby live. Please rethink this, and don't end the baby's life.


Development from conception to birth


Week 12 is especially important.

Day 1: fertilization: all human chromosomes are present; unique human life begins.
Click photo to enlarge.

Day 6: embryo begins implantation in the uterus.

Day 22: heart begins to beat with the child's own blood, often a different type than the mothers'.

Week 3: By the end of third week the child's backbone spinal column and nervous system are forming. The liver, kidneys and intestines begin to take shape.

Week 4: By the end of week four the child is ten thousand times larger than the fertilized egg.

Week 5: Eyes, legs, and hands begin to develop.

Week 6: Brain waves are detectable; mouth and lips are present; fingernails are forming.

Week 7: Eyelids, and toes form, nose distinct. The baby is kicking and swimming.

Week 8: Every organ is in place, bones begin to replace cartilage, and fingerprints begin to form. By the 8th week the baby can begin to hear.

Weeks 9 and 10: Teeth begin to form, fingernails develop. The baby can turn his head, and frown. The baby can hiccup.

Weeks 10 and 11: The baby can "breathe" amniotic fluid and urinate. Week 11 the baby can grasp objects placed in its hand; all organ systems are functioning. The baby has a skeletal structure, nerves, and circulation.

Week 12: The baby has all of the parts necessary to experience pain, including nerves, spinal cord, and thalamus. Vocal cords are complete. The baby can suck its thumb.

Week 14: At this age, the heart pumps several quarts of blood through the body every day.

Week 15: The baby has an adult's taste buds.

Month 4: Bone Marrow is now beginning to form. The heart is pumping 25 quarts of blood a day. By the end of month 4 the baby will be 8-10 inches in length and will be one half of its birth weight.

Week 17: The baby can have dream (REM) sleep.

Week 19: Babies can routinely be saved at 21 to 22 weeks after fertilization, and sometimes they can be saved even younger.

Week 20: The earliest stage at which Partial birth abortions are performed. At 20 weeks the baby recognizes its' mothers voice.

Months 5 and 6: The baby practices breathing by inhaling amniotic fluid into its developing lungs. The baby will grasp at the umbilical cord when it feels it. Most mothers feel an increase in movement, kicking, and hiccups from the baby. Oil and sweat glands are now functioning. The baby is now twelve inches long or more, and weighs up to one and a half pounds.

Months 7 through 9: Eyeteeth are present. The baby opens and closes his eyes. The baby is using four of the five senses (vision, hearing, taste, and touch.) He knows the difference between waking and sleeping, and can relate to the moods of the mother. The baby's skin begins to thicken, and a layer of fat is produced and stored beneath the skin. Antibodies are built up, and the baby's heart begins to pump 300 gallons of blood per day. Approximately one week before the birth the baby stops growing, and "drops" usually head down into the pelvic cavity.


Risks of Abortion

Abortion Risks
by David Reardon, Ph.D.

While abortion seems like a "quick fix" for a long-term problem, it is a permanent decision that has physical, emotional and spiritual risks to the mother of the baby.

Physical Risks:

Breast Cancer:
The risk of breast cancer almost doubles after one abortion, and rises even further with two or more abortions.

Cervical, Ovarian, and Liver Cancer:
Women with one abortion face a 2.3 relative risk of cervial cancer, compared to non-aborted women.

Placenta Previa:
Abortion increases the risk of placenta previa in later pregnancies (a life threatening condition for both the mother and her wanted pregnancy.)

Immediate Complications:
Approximately 10 percent of women undergoing elective abortion will suffer immediate complications of which approximately one-fifth (2 percent) are considered life threatening.

Emotional Risks:

Many women rationalize the need for an abortion and therefore repress any initial feelings of guilt. As a result, many emotional reactions to abortion are delayed, sometimes for as long as five to 10 years.

Here are some possible emotional consequences of abortion:

Sad mood
Sudden and uncontrollable crying episodes
Deterioration of Self-concept
Sleep, appetite and sexual distrubances
Reduced motivation
Disruption in interpersonal relationships
Extreme guilt and anxiety
Psychological "numbing"
Depression and thoughts of suicide

Abortion is a permanent decision that can never be taken back. To get face-to-face and caring counseling for your post-abortion stress, go to www.Optionline.org If you would like resources to help understand about post-abortion you can request them now from our online resource center.


how sad

It saddened me to read that you were planning to terminate your pregnancy. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years (with the help of a fertility specialist) and still no baby. It is frustrating to hear stories like yours. Do you know how many couples would love to have children but can't? I hope that you think long and hard before you do something you will regret.


New Member
I feel that you'll feel later regret

While I definitely believe that you have a right to choose, I feel that you'll later regret your decision. It may not be apparent now, but it probably will effect the course of your marriage. Your husband may throw it in your face every time you have an argument, for example.

My attitudes toward abortion have changed over the years, and especially since I had children. I was lucky that I never had an unplanned pregnancy, and both my children were born when my husband and I truly felt ready. I can understand that some couples don't want children, but I feel that those who are open to the possibility have a better success at marriage.

Like others have mentioned, there isn't much social stigma today about being pregnant when you get married, especially since may people today don't even bother to get married when they have children, which is something that I don't condone. Many people today wouldn't understand, but I didn't have sex until I got married because birth control wasn't readily available to single people and social pressures were much stronger.



Full Member

I am very upset by your decision as well, even though I do not know you and it is truly none of my business. However, it bothers me to know that someone would end a baby's life for such self-centered reasons. (It was ok to have premarital sex, but now that you have received a consequence--an innocent baby-- it has to be removed...)

Who knows-- your child could have been (could be) a huge benefit to our society. He/she maybe could have found the cure for cancer, helped end world hunger, become an influential leader in government, etc... But if you do this, you'll never know.

At the same time, as sad as it is to say it, it probably is better for you not to go through with your pregnancy. I'd hate to see a child be riased with your example of vanity and selfishness.

I'm sorry to sound hateful or judgemental, but I'm very sad by what you've shared with us.


New Member

PLEASE think very carefully about a termination. Have you and your future husband spoken about having children? If not then youhave to ask yorself the question" can I tell him I am pregnant. Howwill he react?"
If you have you will know what he thinks. If you don't tell him about a termination and he finds our how will he react to this. You will be denying him a say in his baby's future. he may want the child. He will be hurt that you deceived him.
think - How will you feel if in the future you decide to have a child after terminating this one because it is inconvenient to have it.... How will you feel then....
if you cannot talk to your future husband about any of this then you have to ask yorself, "why am I marrying him if I can't confide and trust in him"

Please think before you act. This is an innocent little life you are playing with.


Senior Member
Make sure...

you make a decision you can live with.

I got pregnant less than a month after I got married, and I'd been trying to get pregnant for months before the wedding. Had it happened before the 'big day' and I were showing, I would have been so proud of my belly! When I DID start showing, I was less concerned about fashion and more concerned about the health of my child.
My husband and I knew we loved each other and were going to get married, so it wouldn't have made a difference to either of us. We were the ones getting married, we were the ones expecting a child --not anybody else. I didn't care what anyone thought. Why would YOU care what people think? This is your life, and you only get one shot at it. Make decisions based on what you think and believe - not on what you think LOOKS good to other people.

OH...lots of people have had drinks in the early stages of pregnancy - when they didn't know they were pregnant - and things were fine. Don't let that be an excuse.


Full Member
to CatKem

thanks by scared

Thanks for everyone's replies. After a long talk with my fiance we have decided to terminate the pregnancy. We don't want to start out our marriage with an unwanted child. Also, I am 5 1/2 weeks along and have not been taking care of my body, since I didn't know I was pregnant. (Drinking margeritas, wine, beer, etc.). We don't want a child with "problems". Thanks for you thoughts.

She has spoken with her F. THEY have decided they don't want it. Every time I read this post it infuriates me!!!!!!!!!


Senior Member
ya know...

For some reason I keep coming back to this even though I am so saddened by it. I guess I'm hoping that she'll change her mind, her reasons will seem less selfish (TACKY!!!!! UGH!), or something. I'm sad for the baby who has no choice, I'm sad that people refuse to accept consequences for their actions beacuse of fashion and because there are easier alternatives. We truly are becoming a disposable society.

I became pregnant with my first while I was engaged. I told my mother, "I'm sorry that your friends will see me pregnant on my wedding day. I'm sorry that you may feel embarrassed by that. But, I Will NEVER be sorry that God gave me this baby and this baby will NEVER be an embarrassment to me." Ya know what my mother, who was raised that pre-marital sex is WRONG said to me, "You are giving me a grandbaby. How could that ever embarrass me?" The gift of my children is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my husband but that wedding day, where it was "just about me" (and him) seems so dim compared to the joy of carrying two children, their births, and the person I have become and the life we have created for (and because of) our children.

Oh well, guess I'm a tacky person.


I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion.

And you know what scared? I support you.

She does not want the baby. I realize that couples try so hard to have kids but cant, and that she could put it up for adoption...but you know what? I wouldnt want to carry around a child in my stomach for nine months if I didn't want it anyway.

I doubt this is a rash decision, or a decision based just off of vanity. I'm sure she realizes that it is a life inside of her...but I personally wouldn't want to be pregnant on my wedding day either...even if you are supposed to "deal with the consequences of your actions"...she actually is. She might not be making the decision that you would make...she is making her own path.

"Mrs.CLB 04-26-2006 07:00 AM

She has spoken with her F. THEY have decided they don't want it. Every time I read this post it infuriates me!!!!!!!!!"

^just because it isnt the decision that you would have made, it doesnt mean that it is a wrong one. She took the necessary steps, and she did speak to her fiance...so you know what...I say that she is making a mature decision...instead of a rash one by herself. If they dont want it...it is their choice...don't beat someone up because they chose a different road to go down instead of one of your preference.

Scared I thought you could use some support in your decision...since you obviously haven't gotten any from the rest of them. Do what you have to do...and feel good about knowing that the decision that you make is the one that you want to make.


Full Member

Scared came to this board asking for advice. This is what she has been given - by mothers who have "been there, done that", and by women who would desperately love to be in her position, so can see that side of the story.

Scared is maybe 6 weeks pregnant by now. Her decision to terminate IS rash - not long enough to make a life and death decision.

This is a long thread, but I have yet to see a post from anyone who made the same decision and went happily along with her life with no regrets.

We all acknowledge that this is a BIG situation, but I think we all encourage Scared to look at the bigger picture.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.....


Junior Member
I am sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. If you and your fiance truly are not ready for a child and cannot imagine being parents right now then I support your right to choose. I hope that you have thought through things and are making the decision on more than just how you will look in a wedding dress. My wish for you is that you make a decision that you will not regret later, no matter what that decision is. I don't envy your situation or having to make such a difficult choice. Take care.


Actually Aussie....

I have actually been there. My husband and I couldn't be happier with our decision. Like Scared, I wasn't ready for a child...and like Scared I had an abortion because I wasnt married and because I thought that was the best way for us to go. We have 2 children and can provide them with things now that we wouldnt have been able to provide them with if we had made the decision to have the child. We have no regrets about our decision at all.


Senior Member

Do you truly mean that you couldn't be happier with your decision? Aren't there times when you think back to that baby and (even though it was the right choice in your mind) wonder about what could have been. I have never terminated a pregnancy (and could never - MY choice) but, there are still decisions I've made with my children along the way that I regret - things I could have done better. I'll concede that "scared" has the right to her choice. I don't agree with it but, it's the law. But for you to say that you couldn't be happier with your decision and that you have no regrets - well, I find that really hard to believe. I don't think anyone can choose to end a life without a lot of heartache involved. (Geez, at least I HOPE that people can't enter that decision so easily.)

Maybe I'm just too worried about your choice of words. I'm glad that your life has turned out well with your husband and the children you chose to keep. I just don't get how you can choose...


children with "problems"

Hello. I'm going to steer clear of the decision she's made, because so much has already been said. What I'd like to point out, though, is that most parents of special needs children didn't set out to have children with "problems." Some of us took fine care of ourselves, had no risk factors, and still have children with special needs. It can happen to anyone, at anytime, whether you took great care of yourself or not. It's not really fair to say "we don't want a child with problems," because there are no guarantees, EVER. When you decide to have a child, or keep an unexpected child, you have to commit to any child that is born to you. This girl really needs to grow up. It's pretty 'tacky' to not be able to accept that a child of hers could be anything but perfect. I sincerely hope she never teaches my children, because most teachers will teach a child with some type of physical or cognitive need at some time in their career, and on some level she's admitting that she thinks less of them, as if they're unacceptable in some way. In the meantime, I'll continue to teach special needs children and raise special needs children, and value each of them.


New Member
Willingness to Accept the Unknown

You made a very good point. Parenthood certainly implies that you have a willingness to accept the unknown. None of us know what life has in store for us. We think that we can always have life under our control, but we can't. My sister lost her husband a couple of years ago with no warning. He was only 49 years old.



To "scared"

I am pregnant, just found out. I have been planning a wedding for a year now and accidentally got pregnant and yes, was using birth control. I don't want to be showing at my August wedding, so I'm thinking of terminating it.

I'm pro-choice, but this post makes me want to puke. You're a terrible, self-centered, immoral person. This is not the reason why we have the right to an abortion.

Please don't ever get pregnant again or have children. They will clearly be screwed up.

I'm sorry for being so harsh and mean, but I am left with my mouth agape and tears in my eyes at your sheer, animalistic brutality.


Full Member
judgemental tones

When someone begins such a controversial topic, posts are going to get heated.

In my opinion, "Scared" honestly didn't sound like she truly wanted advice. Her two posts have not had one bit of remorse or sincere though--all superficial and selfish. This nonchalant attitude toward ending human life is sickening.
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Senior Member
The OP "scared"...

is inmature, selfish, irresposible and doesn't deserve to have a child EVER! She doesn't need to be teaching them either, IMO. And her fiance is just as bad for agreeing to it. What kind of a MAN says "okay-let's kill our child." ?If he won't give support and understanding now, what will happen in the future? And you? Will you get a divorce the moment your husband gets a beer belly, or has a disability or gets cancer? Will your husband run out on YOU when you start getting grey hair, or varicous veins or if you get breast cancer and have a masectomy? After all...that would be "problems" and we know you can't accept those!


Junior Member
ITA Ruby!!

and like Kiki I keep coming back to this post, I guess in hopes that maybe "scared" will come to her senses. To be completely honest, the whole mess has brought me to tears. It really does break my heart to know that this child had no choice to be created and now has no choice but to die for two irresponsible, immature, selfish, and superficial people. Do you often have others pay for the mistakes you make? The alcohol drinking is a HUGE cop-out, but hey...if it makes you feel better about killing your baby, I guess that's what you have to do. I just feel sorry for any future babies you and your husband decide you might want to keep (depending on if they meet your standards of course). In the meantime, I will continue to pray for your little one and know that if you do decide to end its little life that he or she will be in a much much better place.