Second evaluation disaster

[NHSecondary]

I'm a student teacher at a high school in Social Studies. This is a second career for me. I'm not a spring chicken by any measure. I received my bachelor's degree in history in 1995. I'm now getting my Master's degree in secondary Education. My first evaluation was terrible. My second one yesterday was also a disaster. I'm good on paper, my lesson plans, but when I go to teach I fall apart. They said that my areas of concern are pedagogy, content and delivery. Which is basically everything a teacher does. I do agree with them. Why can't I get this? Why can't I connect my lessons to actually teaching it? I have severe depression and anxiety and tend to just freeze up and forget what all I learned. I think that I'm always just not good enough for any of the jobs I've had in my 30 plus working years. I just always come up short of getting good at my jobs. I'm feeling that again now. I don't want the sacrifices I've made to be wasted. All the time I took from my family, better paying jobs to pursue the education field. I'm just so down now. I've wasted so much time and money. I wont be able to pay off my large student loans working at my husband's store as counter help.

 

[MrsFrazzled]

I’m very sorry

To hear about your experiences. I hope you are getting the help you need with the anxiety and depression. Knowing that, I’m not sure teaching is the right job. It is very stressful and students are harsh. If you let them get under your skin, your depression might worsen.

I did not know just how stressful it would be and my first year was terrible. I cried a lot, stayed up many nights too late getting work done, I let things students said and did bother me too much, etc.

I, too, feel inadequate most of the time. I’ve never been very confident in myself. I’m very shy and introverted. Most people wondered how on earth I could be a teacher. I had an aunt ask me if I was going to learn sign language to teach because I am such a quiet person. I didn’t find it funny. But it’s weird, I can stand in front of a room full of high schoolers and you’d never know.

You just need to remember that they won’t be able to recall anything you’ve said after the class is over (at the end of semester or year). So if you happen to make a fool of yourself, more than likely they won’t remember. Don’t beat yourself up.

If you struggle with learning the material and then having to turn around and teach it, make notes in a notebook and keep it near or make a PowerPoint with talking points. That has always helped me. I had a chem professor in college who kept a legal pad with all the notes on it that he wrote on the board. I do the same thing.

Just be patient with yourself. Ask for help from anyone that you think will be helpful. You can do this!