Speaking of crying...

[Katherine]

I teach 4th grade in a very small private school. Out of the 6 boys in my class, 5 of them have been in tears at various points during the school year. One boy in particular cries when his team doesn't win review games or doesn't get "chosen" first for a variety of activities (I use a random popsicle stick jar to choose people), or an assortment of things that he sees as a loss (like last week when his suggestion for a class poem topic wasn't selected by his peers). I've spoken to his mother about his emotional reactions before. She claims he's just "sensitive" and "competitive" and she's glad he doesn't take after her (who apparently throws fits and tosses things when she loses) Uugh.

Is it "normal" for 4th grade boys to burst into tears all the time? I can't ever remember happening this to me before, nor have I heard of it happening from other friends that teach this age level. This is my first year teaching and it seems like everyday is a learning experience for me. I've had a rather enjoyable year, to be honest, but this issue just BAFFLES me.

This has been on-going all year long, but with less than a month of the school year left to go, the issue still resurfaces from time to time. I had hoped there'd be a little growth during the year.

My other cryers cry for a variety of reasons. One boy cries when his name is written on the board for talking, another boy cries when he gets back exams with unfavorable grades. Another cries when he realizes he has left his homework at home They're all incredibly stressed out little boys for being only 10. I'm such a laid back, casual teacher too. I think they're all just so comforable with crying in front of one another that it's no big thing----but as their teacher, the behavior continues to baffle me.

 

[MrsBev]

I have no other advice for you, but to just stick it out and hope that next year's crop of boys are a bit more emotionally mature.

Are these boys only children, by any chance? What are the parents like?

 

[Teach4]

Crying

I've been teaching fourth grade in a private school now for several years. My boys cry all the time. For the same reasons you said but mainly if they forget homework or think they're going to get in trouble for something. But also I get way out of proportion tears, yells, etc. for very minor injuries. What's up with that? My conclusion is this. One, mom and dad do everything for them and smooth out their life so they see only success all the time. When the tiniest bit of failure comes their way, they cry. Two, mom and dad lavish them with attention when they are injured so they play it up for all it's worth. Gone are the days when things are the child's reponsibility and every minor scrape isn't cause for major sympathy. I sometimes wonder how I survived my childhood without all this hand-holding nonsense.

 

[maryteach]

My boys cry

and I teach sixth. That really still surprises me, because I don't remember boys crying when I was in sixth grade. Maybe I just don't remember it. But my boys are criers. Even some of the tough guys cry at parent/teacher conferences when the news isn't good and they're in trouble with their parents. But what really, really surprises me is that my sixth grade boys cry IN FRONT OF THEIR FRIENDS. That was, I think, my biggest surprise, coming to sixth.

 

[SoCalTeach]

Criers

I also teach 4th in a small private school. Some of my boys cry after PE or recess, when their team loses a game. I just ignore it, and they eventually calm down. Last year, a fifth grade boy would throw crying fits (loud ones!) if he or his team lost a game.

 

[SC]

Crying

I teach 4th in a private school also. I have seen more boys cry than I did when I taught middle school, but it is usually if they get into trouble or earn a bad grade. It seems like the ones who have older brothers and sisters don't cry as much as the ones who are the first born in their family. Some of the students are major fakers about injuries and cry more easily than others. I think it also has to do with the parents - I've seen how some of the parents baby their kids, and those are the ones who cry more often.

 

[Brooke]

Thought it was unusual

This morning I drove to school thinking, "my kids haven't cried for a few weeks." Today one cried. I've taught fourth for five years and never had a class full of crying kids as I've had this year. I honestly found it to be an usual class, significantly less mature than classes I've taught in the past. It's nice to know my fourth graders aren't the only ones crying! Only 21 more days of school, I still have a few boys who haven't cried. Today's tears came from someone who has been immune all year. Isn't it interesting?

 

[Gina TX]

I teach 6th and have a few that cry too. I have also found this very odd. Mostly it's at parent conferences, but I have seen a few other too. On the other hand my girls cry all the time. Those hormones and the fact that the boys don't __________ (fill in the blank, basically everything). It's starting to drive me nuts. 12 days of school left for us, yea!!!!

 

[anonymouse]

sounds familiar

I have been going through this too. I had a conference recently with a mother who told me "I hate her son." He cries when he doesn't follow instructions, fools around and doesn't get his work done and I make him do it for homework. He cries when he loses his homework, can't find his classwork, doesn't get his way. His latest thing is "I have a stomach ache and I need to go home" along with the tears. Mom went to the principal and said he is afraid of me and that is why he is doing poorly and wants to stay at home. How do you tell a mother that the reason her son is doing poorly is because she babies him and accepts all of his lame excuses. Parents don't seem to realize that there is a corrolation between academic success and actually DOING the work required to succeed. This mom thinks that I am too tough because I require him to do the same work as everyone else. It seems to me that I have a boy like this every year - and he is always accompanied by a mommy who runs to his rescue each time he gets himself in a jam.

 

[Gina TX]

Have you noticed

it's the boys like this more than the girls? I certainly have.

 

[BlueEyes]

I teach 4th grade and my boys cry A LOT more than my girls this year. I'm a first year teacher so I don't have anything to compare it to but I definitely know what you're going through! Mine will cry at the strangest things.

 

[hindypo]

Private school kids crying?

I am just interested to know, since so many people wrote in about this...and several (including the OP) mentioned that they taught in private school. It is my prejudiced, undocumented, unreasonable opinion....but kids in private school might be a little more spoiled? I dunno. I would be interested to know how many of those who posted work for private schools.

I work in public schools as a sub (next year a "real" job - yay!) and I have seen tears, but when they happen with the older kids, those kids really try to not make it public. They are embarassed. Kids that cry around other kids later on seem to be less socially skilled. IMHO.

As a mother, I have observed this. I have a 12 year old daughter, and she is spoiled beyond belief (ok! I admit it!). She wouldn't get fully potty trained until she was five. Why? Well, she went to kindergarten and when she wet her pants, the kids made fun of her. I knew this would happen all along and I didn't stress about it (although my mother-in-law did!). She didn't have a physical problem, she was just lazy. But peer pressure straightens it all out.

She also used to cry like a BANSHEE whenever the least little thing happened. That too, I sort of observed and didn't make a big deal out of it. Well, guess what? She won't go hysterical in class now, and hasn't forever. Not because of ME, it was because at school it became embarassing.

She has never been good at taking regular baths and I took the lazy route that my mom did with me. I was terrible as well on it, but you finally stick the kid in the tub when they are so filthy or stinky that you can't stand it. Otherwise, they won't die from being unbathed! Guess what, she is JUST like I was, I hit puberty and started getting very anal about bathing and so is she!

I know, I know, I sound like a slacker mom and perhaps I am. But a lot of stuff straightens out on its own...But I am VERY curious about kids, boy OR girl, who cry in public when they get older. Peer pressure usually makes kids stop wailing in public, stop wetting their pants, and start bathing regularly. There is something very off in kids that continue to do such oddball things. Because it is NOT cool with their peers....

 

[KinderTeach]

Interesting

It's good to hear that I'm not the only one going through this. I just got offered a job in a private school for next year so it's interesting to read about all the crying boys.

 

[Brooke]

private or public

My crying fourth graders are in a public school. My son, who has always been in private school, finds this crying like nothing he's ever witnessed in school. I don't know what makes my fourth graders hyper-sensitive. As I mentioned above, I never know who the crier will be. It's not one child consistently, but a consistent demonstration of sadness through crying. The other fourth grade in my school doesn't have a problem with criers.

 

[apple annie]

Crying? I wish!

I teach second grade in public school, and I think I would just about fall out if my tough guys started crying over bad grades. I can't stand crying and whining, but I do wish they cared enough about their bad grades to at least FEEL like crying! Is a little remorse too much to ask?

 

[Katherine]

Wow. What a very interesting thread. Here I thought I was all alone in this.

To answer the other posters question about whether this is a problem that is exclusive to private school children? Perhaps. One of my closest friends teaches 4th grade at a public school, and she has never had a child (boy) break down into tears unless there was a serious physical injury. I did my student teaching in public school, but that was in 1st grade. There were some tears in that class, however.

Very interesting stuff. Who knew.

While the situation has been frustrating to me, at least my family gets "amusement" out of it. My husband enjoys asking me every Friday, "So who did you make cry this week?" *roll eyes*