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Teacher Disorders


Senior Member
As most teachers know there are disorders that affect teachers only. No health plan covers them, most are chronic not fatal. Most of us have at least one of these. The longer you are a teacher, the more of these disorders you may have developed.

1. Name aversion... Are there names that make your blood pressure soar? Are there names you swore you'd never give a child of your own. Are there names you have just blocked out of your memory? You've got name aversion. It is in some cases reversible, in other cases, well... it's a teacher quirk.

2.Alphabet soup blues....NCLB and AYP got you down? Can't eat alphabet soup with out seeing those combos on your spoon? This disease is make worse by various state letter groups for tests , standards and the like. Do you get palm sweats and cold chills at staff meetings when the letters start flying? Sorry, it's caught you. Many of us have this one, so you're in good company.

3. Voice modulationitis.... Can't stop your voice from projecting? Can't speak above a whisper around grown ups? Both are symptoms of the same disease. You can't speak over lunch and recess bells for other classes ,quiet a room or keep attention with out either losing modulation control or becoming hyper aware of your own voice.

4. Compulsive bin disease.... Oh I need another bin. Maybe a bin might help. I need a bin for the stuff for the rock unit. Do bins outnumber students in your room? Then you have bin disease.Most teachers have mild forms due to our curiculum demands. In advanced cases, it takes over our homes too. Buy stock in your favorite bin company, get some of your cash back.

5. Overhead fixcation... I'll put the notes on an overhead, I'll make a transparency of the math, language arts and science.. Where did my marker go??? This is one I'll admit to. I almost crashed when I blew a blub in the middle of a lesson.

6. Rainbow fingers...This is the modern variant of the purple digit disease. Erasing your white board with your fingers for the sake of speed is the culprit here. If not treated with in 5 minutes can cause color to embed. Hand sanitizer makes the situation worse not better.

7. Super nose... Can you smell bubble gum without turning around? Can spot a permenant marker in a heart beat? Know the smell of a white out painting? This is handy in a classroom ,but among the masses, this can become overwhelming especially when shopping for plastic bins in your favorite office goods store.

8. Staff Meeting Zone out... You were listening once.... what time is it? To do later..photocopying, ...Did you draw that trapezoid??? What sheet? Problem you sat down and your mind exploded with all the details you still need to get done. In self defense your brain took a lunch break.

I'll bring you more disorders as they develop.


Senior Member
Are these original?

I am amazed at your ability to talk in such specific terms to those you've never met! You are truly walking in our shoes...or, at least mine. Thanks for the humor! It's the only way to survive!


Senior Member
a few more

When you are going out with your friends you say... Does anyone need to use the bathroom or go pottie before we leave?

I have a pall bearers list of former students who I want to carry my casket so I can get back at them for the torture they put me through. I'm a big girl so I'll have the last laugh:D

You can't pass up a clearance bin or the dollar store.

You can find a use for anything anyone is discarding


Senior Member
Yes. I'm writing these on my own.

Thanks again for stopping by. Thanks, Gloria. I love the pall bearer one!!!! I'm a big girl myself. I never thought of that one. I've got several students in mind.:)


Junior Member
"walking on the line disorder"

You are welcome to add walking on the white line (or yellow line, or crack in the sidewalk or whatever your school has) disorder to your list. I find most K teachers suffer from it. You can always pick us out from the crowd when even during student-free days we find ourselves walking on the line, turning corners with military-like precision - even without our flock of ducklings behind us.


Senior Member
I am laughing so hard tears are falling

This is me to a tee! bravo for putting it so wonderfully! You should keep these and put them in a book!