Glory Train
Is this the play you are speaking of?
The Glory Train
CHARACTERS:
SISTER MUCK DE MUCK (Very high class) – 4 parts
SISTER CHANCE (Loud and talkative) – 1 part
SISTER CASH (Sophisticated) – 2 parts
SISTER NEWSY (Nosey and gossipy) – 4 parts
SISTER GOODY GOOD (Self-righteous) – 7 parts
SISTER PARSON (Sanctimonious) – 1 part
SISTER SLIP AROUND (Sneaky, shifty eyed) – 2 parts
SISTER TAINT SO (Negative, loud and wrong) – 2 parts
SISTER LIVING RIGHT (Meek and humble) – 2 parts
CONDUCTOR (Impersonal) – 11 parts
Skit opens with all passengers seated on a bench waiting. All are dressed, except Sister Living Right, who is very plainly dressed.
Conductor: All Aboard! This train is bound for Glory.
(All singing, I’m Going Home on the Morning Train.)
(Sister Living Right starts toward the front of the train.)
Sister Muck De Muck: (Taking Sister Living Right’s arm). Mrs. Living Right, why are you going to the front? The front seat is mine!
Sister Parson: (Pushes both aside). Oh, No! As the preacher’s wife, naturally I must have the front! I sing on the choir and I serve on the Missionary Board. (Takes the front seat.)
Sister Muck De Muck: Well! I have served on the Pastor’s Aid Club and Hospitality Club. I am president of the women’s circle and the choir. I know I am going to be near the front. (Takes the second seat.)
Sister Cash: (Speaks quickly) I know I didn’t come all this way to sit in the back! I gave $3,000 to the building fund. My name was first on the $1,000 list. I support every program. (Takes third seat. Sister Living Right takes fourth seat.)
Sister Goody Good: Now, Sister Living Right, (pulling her up from seat) you know you can’t sit near the front. Why, look how you’re dressed. I think you would be more comfortable on the back (leading Sister Living Right to second to last seat) where people can’t see you. Now, I don’t drink, I don’t lie, don’t gamble, smoke or sin period! I shall sit here. (Takes fourth seat.)
Sister Newsy: Old Living Right could do better! Always giving to the others less fortunate like who is less fortunate than she is! I agree with you Sister Goody Good. She makes me sick! You and I refer the poor to the proper agency so we can spend all our time praising the Lord. Why I wear better clothes than that to the dog track….OOPS (covers mouth and quickly sits in the next empty seat.)
Sister Chance: Well, I know one thing if I weren’t going to Glory this morning, I would raise Hell! Here I have been paying my tithes on my salary plus everything I won. I am sitting here!!! (Takes next seat.)
Sister Slip Around: I am next to you. (Takes seat.) I went to church every Sunday, went to every meeting, heard every sermon. I know I deserve a good seat.
Sister Taint So: You deserve! Huh! What about me? If I told what I heard about some people, I would be first. Let me hush. Sister Living Right you move back. I don’t want to catch anything.
Sister Living Right: I will sit anywhere last, so I make it by God’s Grace. (Moves to the last seat.)
Conductor: First stop West Hell. All liars! Sister Taint So, your stop. (Sister Taint So moves off.)
Sister Newsy: Amen!! I hate liars.
Conductor: Entering East Hell. All fornicators and adulters. (Conductor looks at Sister Slip Around.)
Sister Slip Around: (Getting up moving to the front.) Sister Parson, come on you weren’t at all those meetings. You were at the same places as I and your husband never knew any better! Come on. (Pulls Sister Parson off. Sister Parson covers face.)
Sister Goody Good: Lord, I though she was saved.
Sister Newsy: I could have told you about those two. I heard that Deacon—well never mind. I told her husband everything over the phone.
Conductor: Annex. All peace breakers! Ms. Newsy, Sister Chance your stop. (They leave in a huff.)
Sister Goody Good: I am sure glad I am not like those people. I am so pure I can’t even think nor will I talk to sinners.
Conductor: Main gate to Hell!!! Muck De Muck, Cash—your stop.
Sister Muck De Muck: Wait. I have receipts—you can ask anybody. You can see my good work. Of course I didn’t visit the sick nor shut-in. I might catch something and I have my standards.
Sister Cash: Mr. Conductor, if it is a matter of money, we can pay your price.
Conductor: Too late. You get what you have paid for. (Both ladies leave sorrowfully and crying.)
Sister Goody Good: Hallelujah! I thank God I am better than that. (Riff, riff.)
Conductor: Last stop before the Kingdom, Mrs. Goody Good your stop.
Sister Goody Good: But I can see the Kingdom (pointing). I have been good. You mean I have good for nothing?
Conductor: Did you feed the hungry?
Sister Goody Good: Food is so high!
Conductor: Did you visit the sick?
Sister Goody Good: All those germs, of course not.
Conductor: Did you help the poor?
Sister Goody Good: I told you, I didn’t have time!
Conductor: This is your stop. (Sister Goody Good leaves reluctantly.) Mrs. Living Right, I believe the first seat is yours and the joys of the Kingdom.
Sister Living Right: By the Grace of God, thank you. (Sings, I Made it Over.)
