virginity

[holly]

I am 25 and still a virgin. It is quite embarrasing to me. I never thought I would still be a virgin at the age of 25. But the right guy has never come along. I dated a little towards the end of my high school years, and a few guys in college, but none that I was really interested in. I truly believe in waiting for a guy that I love to loose my virginity with. I'm not waiting until marriage to loose my virginity, but a guy that I have a serious relationship with. I get a little embarrased when my friends are talking about their boyfriends and sexual experiences. I have neither. No boyfriend and I'm still a virgin. I always try to change the subject cause I am embarrased by this. I know its the right thing for me. It would be stupid to have sex just so I won't be a virgin anymore. But even though I know its the right thing for me right now, I'm still somewhat embarrased about still being a virgin at 25. I guess I feel that if people knew that, they would think there was something wrong with me.

 

[dkd1173]

Give her a break!

I think that the last reply was mean-spirited. Yes, this is a what many people would consider a private topic, but I've seen many posts on here before about "private" issues, and I don't think this one is out of bounds.

Holly - I have a friend who is 32 and still a virgin. She feels the same way you do, but also says that the right guy hasn't come along. Do NOT have sex just to "not be a virgin anymore." You have to do what's right for you. Don't worry about what anyone else is doing. They're living their lives, but only you can live yours. I think it's great that you are standing by your beliefs and know what's right for you. And, although I'm sure you feel that 25 is old enough to not be a virgin, as you get a little older, like me, you will realize that 25 is still very, very young. You have plenty of time. When the right guy comes along, you'll know. Good luck!

 

[chiteacher]

Oh my gosh! I can't believe that PP!! If you don't want to partake in this post, then don't open it! What a meanie!!

I commend you for waiting! I think that is wonderful. I waited until I met my husband (my last year of college) b/c I knew for me it was the right thing to do. It was hard to talk to my friends about their experiences. I didn't want them to think of me as a goodie goodie or someone who looks down on them. Which I didn't.

When you do find the right guy, he will be so honored that you waited for him.

 

[Carolyn]

Well, this is the "Teachers' Lounge," and as long as we're in good taste here, we can talk, as we will in the lounge. The fact that the original poster came here suggests that she wants advice from people who she doesn't know and won't make fun of her, and really needs helpful advice from. I will agree with the others in that you aren't doing anything wrong, but biding your time until the right man comes along. Most girls I have known have felt that their first time was intended to be rather special and that just having a fling to "get rid of" virginity is not the right thing to do. Don't worry about the bragging of the others.

 

[Eydie]

You answered yourself!

Holly...
You answered yourself in the first two sentences of your post!
"I haven't found the right guy yet"
Stick to that. Don't worry about what others think and be proud not embarrassed that you have the morals and values to wait! So many people today let it go to whoever shows interest in them. You'll know when that right guy comes along because it will just feel so right, comfortable and natural. If you can, do wait until marriage because that is a wedding gift that can never be replaced and one that most women can not give. Your husband will always feel honored that you waited and saved this part of you for him.

 

[Vol]

Nothing to be embarrased about

You're right Holly, you just need to find the right guy. I highly recommmend that you get out there and start meeting people. Volunteer, join clubs, get a part-time job around people your age and try the singles web-sites too but be VERY picky about what you want. Right an add that rejects most guys yet is open to just the right guy. It's worth the wait. Good luck.

 

[SoCalTeach]

I'm 32 and...

I'm still a virgin! For the exact same reasons as you. I do date but things always fizzle. I refuse to have sex with someone with whom I'm not in a committed relationship. When I was younger (20s) I was toying with the idea of "getting it over with", but I'm glad I didn't. It is weird when talking with others, but if that's the way it has to be, then so be it. The only thing that I have a problem with is when to tell a guy. I don't want to get into an intimate situation and have the guy think everything's "good to go"!!!

 

[phoebe611]

wait

I don't care what anyone else says, sex just for the sake of it, is just not all it's cracked up to be. Sex (making love, whatever you want to call it) with a spouse or partner makes it the wonderful, meaningful experience that everyone looks for. Plus, outside of a committed relationship there may be unwanted pregnancies, diseases (with no cures), guilt that you didn't wait, etc. It's just not worth it. Save yourself for someone that it will really matter with. Sex should not be the big deal that our society makes it out to be. Life can exist while you wait for the right person. Good luck and bless you for waiting.

 

[5th teach]

I have to admit, I too was a virgin until about 23. It was a bit embarrassing. I am not an ugly homely girl who couldn't get a boyfriend... I just didn't have a serious one... i think you should go out there and experience men a bit.... that may sound sleazy, but I think you are missing out on some fun, take it from someone who somewhat regrets it. I also agree with the second poster that this is a bit of a personal topic. It amazes me what gets asked on this board. Sometimes I wonder why we go on here. Do we have trusted friends of our own, why ask total strangers... anyway, obviously you should stay true to your beliefs, but I would go out there and see what it's like... guys do it all the time and no one thinks less of them...

 

[wig]

Congratulations!!! And I do mean that sincerely! You sound like a mature young woman who understands that one does not have sex just so you do not have to be a virgin or that you have "experiences" to discuss with your friends.


Obviously I strongly disagree with the "try it - it's fun" attitude. Sex is not a "right of passage" to be compared with getting a drivers license, getting your first job, etc. It's not an activity to try out as you would water skiing or rock climbing. IMO it is the ultimate binding of a man and woman who have already bound themselves together emotionally and spiritually. To join together physically before the others have taken place can actually hinder that development, as the focus of the relationship has changed. While I realize that I am probably in the minority, I strongly believe that the development of the sexual relationship is best left until after marriage. Marriage gives warmth, security and liberty for the sexual relationship to develop richly and emotionally sound.

Don't feel embarrassed about making a mature decision. Instead feel embarrassed for those who treat sex as an encounter casual enough to discuss in a group.

One day you are going to find that special young man who will make you so very happy that you waited to share the most ultimate expression of love for him. Hopefully he will have done the same for you.

 

[Ima Teacher]

I can name FAR more people I know who are embarrassed because of LOSING their virginity than HAVING their virginity.

In all honestly, unless you choose to share that information, nobody will ever know anyway.

 

[SusanTeach]

embarrassed

It may seem embarrassing to have to admit it, but honestly it should be more embarrassing to admit that you're NOT. Seriously, if you ask a guy (an honest one) most will tell you that he would prefer his future wife to be a virgin. What a wonderful gift to give your husband on your wedding night! That's not something you can get back, so most definitely wait. When the subject comes up, you can either change it or just find a tactful way to say that you're not giving up that "once in a lifetime" gift to just anyone. If the other girls who are talking about it are honest, they'd admit they wish they could take back what they did, too!

 

[abcteacher]

on not being a virgin

I was 18 when I entered college. My high school friends used to grin and talk about losing their virginity, as if it was a cool thing to do. My mother would ask me if I was in danger of getting pregnant, aka "are you having sex yet?" I told her no, because I did not seriously consider doing that with just anybody. Once in college, my roommate and the other girls were talking about the sex they were having with the guys, and the girl next door in my dorm actually said, "You mean you're not 'doing it' yet???" After hearing that, I felt it was my duty to dispose of my virginity. At the age of 20, I found a nice guy who I considered to be the likely candidate, and I even thought I was in love, but I later realized that it was only my hormones talking. I was still pretty immature and had a lot of growing up to do, also. Neither the boy, also 20, nor I, were ready for a lasting relationship. We broke up not long after our first encounter and went our separate ways. We hadn't dated very long before we had sex--maybe six months--and overall I felt jaded by the experience. Moral: take your time and find someone who is willing to make a lasting commitment.

 

[tia]

my response

to teacherish: i have requested that your post be removed--it is rude. this is exactly what the teacher's lounge forum is for.

to holly: don't be embarrassed! by proud! brag about it! you are disease-free! you aren't pregnant before you're ready! you aren't chained sexually to anyone! you have morals!

i kept my virginity until about 24 and was extremely proud of the fact (and later very grateful when i looked back at some of the losers i could have lost it to!) i actually ended up losing my virginity to my future husband! i certainly wasn't a goody-goody, but something that special was not going to be wasted on anyone NOT special.

good for you!

 

[Carolyn]

disease free

There are so many sexually transmitted diseases out there that it's a scary thought. I read that condoms don't actually help, either against HPV or HIV. HPV (human papilloma virus) is a disease which can cause cervical cancer. There are many practical reasons why you don't just want a casual relationship with anyone, and this is certainly one of them.

 

[NYCTeach]

Just wondering

WHERE did you hear that condoms are ineffective in preventing HIV? I have never heard this, and honestly don't believe it.

 

[BB]

cONDOMS DONT ALWAYS WORK

Condoms usually but do not always work, because sometimes they break and I know because this has happened at least twice in my life!

Also, I am of the opinion that having sex with people you are not commited to is something to be embarrased about. And dangerous.

 

[keepingitreal]

for tia et al

just to remind you....

'Take a break today! Let's talk turkey, beef, casseroles. What are your favorite movies and TV shows? Want to talk about your son or daughter's latest tantrums or teenage crushes? Share your great recipes and advice for those with concerns and pleas for help with their daily life.'

That's what this board is all about.
Growl.

 

[wig]

To keepingitreal

"Share your great recipes and advice for those with concerns and pleas for help with their daily life."

Isn't this daily life? or am I misunderstanding your post?

 

[Carolyn]

do that on another thread

Okay, no problem with that. How about if you start one of those, keepingitreal? If you don't want to read about a certain topic, then pass on by. The thread's topic is clearly listed, and if you're not interested, then read something else, or write about something else. Nobody requires us to read all of the posts, and I know I skip the ones that don't interest me or I can't relate to. This board is about personal topics, hence its name "Teachers' Lounge."

 

[tia]

regarding pleas for help

wig--

keepingitreal (who is not logged on to proteacher, i see) is referring to the banner line that explains what the Teacher's Lounge is all about.

i have been visiting the board for several years, gleaning knowledge from teachers around the world--improving my teaching, as well as getting ideas for my personal life, and hopefully, helping others with my own knowledge. i appreciate the positive, long-time posters here so much.

it is a shame when a few teachers choose to use these boards as immature sniping grounds. it's really too bad because it hurts feelings and causes people to stop posting (or feel they have to post anonymously--which i feel is silly. if you feel strongly about something--and aren't sharing something confidential about your school--own up to it and leave your real name or proteacher login name). i know many people have stopped using a specific other teacher website because so many people leave nasty posts. a real shame that a helpful place would turn hurtful.

bottom line: if something doesn't interest you, don't read it. leave proteacher a positive place for everyone. (by the way, i love that the editors are so proactive in trying their best to keep it positive!)

 

[Carolyn]

tia's message

Well said, Tia. Let's keep it peaceful here and allow people to vent and ask questions, so long as they don't intentionally hurt feelings.

 

[wig]

Being Positive

I have enjoyed posting here for that very reason. This is the first "sniping" I has seen, so I wasn't sure whether I was misunderstanding or not. (I've lurked more than posted).

 

[gabanndor]

Shouldn't be embarrasing

I think that you should be proud of yourself. You should be able to shout it from the rooftops and people should applaud you! When the time is right....

 

[sara]

I don't agree that anyone is missing out cause they are still a virgin. I don't think age matters at all. I think our society makes sex out to be this adult thing and you aren't adult until you have, which is ridiculous. Sex is a very special thing that in my opinion should only be shared between a husband and a wife, no matter what age you are when you get married. I feel strange about my beliefs because I still and will always believe that people should not have sex before marriage. It may sound old-fashioned, and I guess that is what I am. I am also a Christian and volunteer with my church's youth group. We have a program called "True Love Waits" which encourages teens to wait until marriage. It promotes abstinence which I think is the best thing. There are too many unwanted pregnancies and those could be prevented if people just waited until marriage. Unwanted pregnancies can happen at any age, and its ashame to bring a child until this world just because the parents made unwise decisions. I go to a very conservative Christian church and we definitely promote abstinence until marriage. It doesn't matter how old you are when you get married, my church believes that you wait until marriage, however old you are when you get married. I was a virgin until my wedding night when I was 31 years old and I don't regret it one bit. I know there's a double-standard between men and women, that men can go out and do it but women can't. That may be wrong, but thats just how society is. I think a wife can handle that her husband had premarital sex better than a husband can handle hearing that his wife did. No husband wants to hear that his wife had sex with several different men before him. So I think waiting until your wedding night is the best gift that a woman can give to her husband. He will feel so wonderful to know that she waited until she found true love with him.