Why can't I.....

[Anon.]

I teach third grade and have a kid who questions everything I ask him to do. If I give directions that something is to be done in a particular way he wants to argue with me. He doesn't follow directions. If I say stay in your seat I get "Why can't I walk around?" If I say to underline something in his reader he raises his hand and wants to have a discussion on whether or not he can do it in highlighter, crayon or red pen instead of pencil. When I give directions it is always "Why can't I...?" The other thing he says is "This is the way my mom wants me to do such and such"After a month of repeating myself when he raises his hand to say "why can't I " I have started asking other children to explain the directions that I just gave to him. I ask if anyone can explain the directions I just gave to the class. THis is not a question of him not understanding the rules, he just wants his own way CONSTANTLY. The question I have is how do I get this kid to follow the rules?

 

[Marcus]

Well

What I would do is make up a new rule. You may not argue with the teacher. This would apply to everyone. Then when he does, his name is on the board, or whatever type of punishment you give out.

 

[Teach 5]

agree

I agree with Marcus. Do not let yourself be pulled into these arguments. A simple, "because I said so" is all that's needed. If he continues to protest than he gets in trouble, following your discipline procedures, such as the name on the board or whatever you are using. After a few days of because I said so, I wouldn't even say that anymore, the student would automatically get in trouble.

 

[CH28]

why, why, why

Nip this in the bud, and give him a consequence for every time he tries to argue with you. He likes the attention he receives when he argues with you, and if you give it to him, he wins. My guess is he wins at home, and that is the parent's fault. Just let him know that there will be no argument. And if he wants to save it for when he is an attorney, that's fine, too.

 

[SC]

Discipline issue

His arguing is definitely a discipline issue, and he needs consequences. You should follow your behavior plan that you have in your classroom for breaking rules.

In addition to consequences, I think you should talk privately with this student about the situation.

 

[javamomma]

Sounds like a control issue

I am a big Love and Logic fan, and this sounds like a control issue to me.
Could you allow him some control on some of the small stuff (the whole class) do you want to underline with pen or pencil? Do you want to start on the front or back first?

Then when you need something done a certain way, you can say I really need "" done my way this time.

 

[AD]

How annoying

I would definitely nip it ASAP too! He sounds like the kind of kid who asks "Why can't I..." for the sake of talking. I wouldn't re-explain or have other students explain to him the reasons why. Maybe you can pull him aside and talk to him. I think it's great to give kids choices sometimes, but they also need to know that sometimes there isn't a choice. I wouldn't give him the time of day when he questions your directions. Hopefully he'll realize that he's not getting a reaction from you and stop.

My guess is that he gets what he wants at home when he annoys his parents by asking "Why can't I..." Let him know it won't work on you!

 

[speeder1]

But why?

I would tell him these are the directions and if he chooses not to follow them, then he will be given a zero. It is his decision, no more discussion. I definately would not argue with him.

 

[Aisling]

Bet he's an only child

I'm guessing he's an only child and his mother actually encourges this kind of questioning and happily gives him detailed answers. She probably thinks she is developing his logical skills and that it is wonderful that he sees all sorts of possibilities. I'm sure she is thrilled that she has the time to be able to do this (more than one kid and it would never fly.) This kind of questioning probably gets him lots of attention and strokes at home and he feels entitled to use it everywhere else. Since the other kids don't do it (and he has been told it is a very positive skill) he probably feels superior.
Unfortuntately this is the kind of child that stirs up our worst negative responses. His parents would probably be horrified to know how you are feeling about him and his constant second guessing and questioning.
I read recently in a book called (I think) Indigo Children that children today are consumers. They always want to know what their options are and whether they are getting value for their time. Obnoxious, yes. But I see it all the time.
I agree that you should give the class some choices where it works for you to do so. That should help some. But you will do the kid the biggest favor if you can get across the message that many times in life we have to do things a certain way because the person in charge (which is certainly not him) gets to say so.

 

[fun_friend]

another suggestion

You are getting some great advice from the others. Maybe you could limit him to one or two questions of that nature per period. Maybe he could ask for an exception once and you can let him know if an exception can be made that one time and let him know that that is his only chance to question you. If he persists let the discipline ladder be climbed (name on the board etc. etc.)

 

[M.]

Re

Give him a limit. He can only question the directions once or twice a day. If he asks them aloud any more than that, he loses 5-10 minutes from his recess. If he has already asked his limit of questions about the directions, he can write you a note and give it to you quietly during work time. He then have the option of answering him or not...if he is actually being serious, then you would want to, but if he's trying to bend the rules like usually, just ignore the note!

 

[M.]

Re: Forgot to add...

Sometimes if you answer with a reason, he might actually see why. For example, if he asks why he can't walk around, you could say that walking around will distract others and take away from his work time. That way, the student knows your motives for things and doesn't think that you are just coming with these rules for torture!

 

[Music Teach]

I had the same problem

One of my beginning band studets would do the exact same thing. I agree with CH28. He is just trying to get your attention. By explaining everything to him, or explaining yourself and your reasoning he is getting extra attention. The student is feeing off this and will contiunue to do so. What I did is ignore my students, or give him a look. His questioning of my authority has shown so much improvement and he is acutally a joy to have in class rather than a pain.

 

[Tara]

questioning nature

I have a student who I think genuinely wants to know why! I talked to him about questioning me, but that didn't really work. Parents say he does it at home so here is what I do, I say:
1) "I'm the teacher, that is why. If you become a teacher you can do it differently."
2) "I would love to discuss this with you. I have some free time at recess."

The last one usually takes care of it.