Why do I still feel ashamed?

[KatieViolet]

I am a grown woman in my late thirties who has not lived so the my parents for almost 20 years. Yet when they just happened to show up unexpectedly to my house midday as I’m unloading groceries, I am keenly aware of the large bulk-size bottle of whiskey I bought for Dh (which will last months) and the box of wine I got for us both.

I tried to surreptitiously tuck them in the pantry, but of course, my dad made a big show of noticing them. “Why do you need so much alcohol? Who drinks whiskey in this house?” Dad was an alcoholic for many years but stopped drinking altogether when I was a teen. So while I recognize that it may hard for him, I’m still a grown up and allowed to drink it in moderation.

Still, I feel like I’m getting in trouble and now I feel like he thinks I’m just a drunken housewife. Do we have a face palm emoji here?

 

[h0kie]

My father’s parents were both alcoholics and they did some pretty awful things to my dad and his twin.

Consequently, we never had alcohol in our house growing up.

As adults, I drink once in a great while (as in when we have a babysitter…which is almost never) but my brother loves craft beers and goes to beer festivals and all kinds of events with alcohol.

My dad was very worried about my brother’s drinking. He talked to him about it several times. He wasn’t judging so much as saying, “this is an issue that runs in our family…you’re potentially playing with fire.”

I totally get why you feel the way you do but, not knowing your father, maybe try to take it as him worrying about you instead of judging?

I’m betting he doesn’t think you’re a drunken housewife.

 

[Tori58]

He wasn’t judging so much as saying, “this is an issue that runs in our family…you’re potentially playing with fire.”

This is me. I've watched so many people, family and friends, ruin and even end their lives with alcohol that it's hard for me to not worry. I think sometimes people in my family think I'm judging but, really, it's concern because I'm aware that there's a hereditary component to alcoholism and I don't want to have to grieve for any more family members because of alcohol.

Not that I'm a complete tee-totaler myself. I like a nice craft beer myself from time to time, and I don't worry too much about family members unless I have to deal with actual drunken behavior. If I were you, I would simply bat it out in the open that you understand his concern but that you are both able to drink in moderation.

 

[bandmom]

We're always our parents' child. Parents will always be parents.

I'm 62 years old and my parents died in 2005 and 2006 and I still feel guilty when I do things of which I know they would disapprove.

 

[Haley23]

I still want to please my parents. It's an ingrained thing! I have it a little easier living across the country. They're not involved in my day to day.

“this is an issue that runs in our family…you’re potentially playing with fire.”

I heard this a lot growing up. My parents didn't drink for religious reasons and we never had alcohol in the house. Nobody on my mom's side drank. OTOH my dad's side had a lot of problems with alcohol. My mom worried herself sick when I turned 21 and I got MANY lectures. It was sweet of her to think I hadn't been drinking before then in college .

I decided at a young age not to keep alcohol in my house for this reason. I do drink socially, but I wanted to remove any and all temptation to slip into bad habits with having a drink here and there after work, then it becoming a slippery slope, just in case.

Now that I'm past the "party phase" of life, I drink so infrequently. I also don't drink and drive at all, and a lot of the time it's just not worth it to me to deal with uber/lyft or public transit. I went to a little wine night one weekend this summer, and before that the last time I can remember drinking was last Halloween. Younger me wouldn't believe that . Just getting old, I guess.

 

[ICrazyTeach]

My parents think alcohol sends you straight to hell OK, maybe not quite, but close. I am 46 years old and still will not drink in front of them or have alcohol in my house where they will see it.

 

[love_to_learn]

My parents bring me a ton of alcohol when they visit, haha! Beer, wine, rum, whiskey all came with them last visit.

However I still hide my tattoo!!